Case of the Ex
by fangirl1982
Summary: Starts off the same way as The Aftermath but then goes into the territory of dealing with having your partner's ex always around. Thought given Jack and Gabrielle's individual histories, it made for plenty of angst!
1. Chapter 1

**Case of the Ex**

**Chapter One**

"I, uh, don't suppose you're doing anything tonight?" Gabrielle Jaeger, Nursing Unit Manager of the All Saints Emergency Department, found herself nervously asking her colleague and sort-of friend, Doctor Jack Quade. Sort-of friend because he had only recently been instated as a registrar in the department following his emotional breakdown and resignation from the surgical department just a few months previously. She had been reluctant to have him on board because of the way he had coldly seduced and then discarded one of her casual nurses, humiliating her with his indifference so deeply that she felt she had no option but to quit. It had been one of many examples that had characterised his destructive behaviour over the previous year, and she didn't want someone like that working on the ward. Especially since her ex, alcoholic and perennial womaniser himself, Steve Taylor, had walked out on her the previous week. She had _definitely_ not been in the mood to deal with another arrogant doctor whose main hobbies consisted of womanising and boozing it up.

But she had found the returning Jack to be much more at ease than the one who had quit his surgical position, thoughtful, insightful, in touch with his patients. She had found herself able to confide in him what she couldn't confide in anyone else but ED Head of Department Frank Campion – that Steve was an alcoholic and, following his return after walking out on her, was a drain on her emotional reserves. Jack always seemed to be able to make her feel that little bit better. Maybe it was just the way he always seemed to be waiting especially for her when their shifts ended about the same time to walk her to her car. Or the way he smiled at her when she joined the group at Cougars for after-work drinks in a way that made her think he'd been looking forward to her company. Or maybe the way he'd brush his hand across her shoulders when she was stressed or frustrated, just a silly gesture of affection that she enjoyed.

She didn't know what it was exactly. But she _did_ know that she needed company tonight, and she needed the company of someone who understood how close they had all come to losing their lives at the hands of a group of criminals who thought nothing of blowing up the pathology lab to create a diversion while they looted the pharmacy. Even now, she shivered to think about a gun being held at her face. She had no doubt the crazy woman would have shot her, had her boyfriend not come back.

"Hey." Jack noticed her shiver and reached out to rub his hand up and down her arm. "It's alright." But it wasn't, really, and her understood her need for company. He hadn't been part of the ED which had been held hostage by the trio, had spent the worst of it unconscious, but that in its own way reminded him of how easily things could have turned out differently. Only a few of the dozens of people who had been in the pathology lab at the time had survived. It could just as easily have been him.

"I don't mean to be an imposition," she found herself babbling. "But I really don't want to be alone and Steve's spending the evening with his sponsor and..." she trailed off, realising that she was making it out to sound like she didn't want him for himself, just a consolation prize for the one she really wanted. Which wasn't true. In fact, in all honesty, she would rather have Jack's company. She wasn't in the state of mind to deal with Steve's issues as an alcoholic on top of everything else today.

"That sounds good," Jack said. He didn't want to be alone either, and he didn't want to go home to Dan and Erica behaving like the disgustingly-in-love couple they were. He didn't blame them, but he didn't want to feel like he was unwelcome anywhere but his room, not tonight. "I just have some things to do first and I'll come over," he said.

"Seeing other women?" she couldn't help but tease.

"Yeah, tall, blond, aqua-grey eyes," he deadpanned, getting a small thrill out of seeing the look of disappointment on her face when he said that. "Kind of like mine. You've met Bec, she's the one Bart's terrified of after he made the mistake of not realising that everyone else knows who she is and lets her in."

Gabrielle laughed to hide her embarrassment over feeling a fission of jealousy when Jack mentioned seeing another woman. Yes, she had briefly met his sister. Twenty-one with all the confidence and arrogance that beauty, youth and intelligence could buy. She found herself looking into Jack's eyes to see that, yes, they really were aqua-grey, right now closer to green than anything else. "Are you guys close?" she asked.

"She always wanted a big brother and when she found out she had one... well, she's got quite an exuberant personality and once she had her heart set on it, there wasn't a lot I could do," Jack said ruefully in a tone that suggested he didn't mind in the slightest being co-opted into the relationship his sister wanted. "She'll hear about what's happened soon enough so I want to let her know I'm OK, then I'm all yours." He flashed her a smile that made her think she would enjoy being 'all his'.

* * *

They had both missed having someone's company over drinks. Between Dan's Hep-C and Steve's alcoholism, alcohol was pretty much a no-go and drinking alone was no fun. They talked for hours, starting off with light things about work and movies they'd seen and books they'd read, then onto childhood stories. Gabrielle found a sympathetic listener in Jack as she found herself telling him about Steve's infidelity. "To this day, I wonder if there wasn't something I could have done to make him stay. I get in my head that it was his choice and I did the best I could but there's always this part of me that wonders if there was something I did or didn't do. It gets lonely and then I wonder if _I_ had something to do with it."

Mostly because of the alcohol but partly because he recognised in Gabrielle someone who had been deeply wounded, even permanently scarred by someone who had used their sexual inexperience as a toy – someone who should have been old enough and compassionate enough to know better – he found himself telling her about Patrick. Gabrielle listened to him with the silence he deserved, rattled but somehow not all that surprised. Travis must have meant something huge to him that Jack had taken his death so hard. Naturally, there had been rumours that the two men had been unnaturally close, especially for someone like Jack who everyone knew had a wide homophobic streak. You couldn't really blame the more catty of gossips to wonder if that homophobic streak was just a cover for homosexual tendencies.

She hadn't been inclined to believe it. The way Rachel had blathered on about him – Jack certainly wouldn't be the first man to be a competent lover in bed while hiding gay tendencies – but she struggled to believe someone could be as absolutely devastating in bed as Rachel claimed and be hiding gay tendencies. But then, what did she know, she was just a silly girl from the country. Now it made sense. His promiscuity stemmed from his desire to prove he was straight, not from a desire to hide his homosexuality. "I'm sorry," was all she could say.

"It's OK. I'm dealing with it. Frank makes me see a counsellor- it was one of the conditions of me coming back."

Suddenly it struck her how well he was keeping it together, given what he had to deal with. It made her see him in a whole new light and she found herself opening up to him in a way she hadn't thought possible.

The night went on and the drinks and conservation flowed."I'm glad you came," she admitted after several hours – and several drinks – when the alcohol was giving her a pleasant buzz. "I didn't want to be alone."

"Me neither." Rebecca had been as understanding as she could, but there was only so much someone who hadn't been there could appreciate. "What keeps coming back to me is that I could have died when I hit the ground – just never woken up and registered what happened. Still, I wouldn't have wanted to be you. I've had syringes pointed at my neck and that was bad enough. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a gun pointed at you."

His words managed to cut right through the bravado she had been trying to build up ever since James had bolted with his cache of drugs. She had tried telling herself over and over that Melissa wouldn't _really_ have shot them – _threatening_ to kill someone was a whole lot different than actually doing it – but now that bravado crumbled in the basic honesty of Jack's words and she found herself shaking. "Here, it's OK," he said, drawing her into his arms. "It's OK. Let it out." He ran his hands up and down her back, as much to keep his mind focused on something and not give into the panic that routinely threatened to overwhelm him. Now more than ever was he aware of how close he had come to dying today and it scared the crap out of him.

She was crying into his chest now, and she could feel the way his heart was racing against her cheek. It felt perversely good to know he was just as distressed as she was, for all that he was acting like the macho man who didn't _get _distressed. She tightened her arms around his neck, not wanting to let go, wanting to get as close to him as she humanly could – closer than was humanly possible – close to one of the few people who had been as scared out of their wits today as she was - and the only person who had bothered to find time to keep her company. "Jack," she cried his name. "Jack." She tightened her arms around his neck again, and he knew instinctively that was his cue to hold her tighter as well. "Don't let go."

"I've got you," he whispered huskily. In spite of the circumstances that had brought them together, she felt so good in his arms, like she belonged here, like things had been building up for some indeterminate period of time for them to be together like this. Far away in his mind he was aware that it was shock and a need for affirmation of their existence and survival that was causing them both to act like this, but he didn't care.

"Jack," she said again. Her fingers were digging into the back of his neck and he suddenly became very aware of how good she smelled – vanilla, he thought it was.

At the same time, she became suddenly aware of how strong his hold was, and how safe she felt in his arms. And that despite the beer on his breath, he smelt clean, like proper soap and not the disgusting dry antiseptic soap they used at the hospital. She lifted her head so she could look into his eyes and noticed they were closer to gray now. God, they were mesmerising. She wondered if he was one of those people who's eye colour changed the their mood and found herself thinking she wanted to stick around to see if they did.

Neither of them were able to remember who kissed who, but in the next second they were kissing frantically, tongues in each other's mouths, hands all over each other's bodies. She had only ever been with Steve and she found the different feel of his body intoxicating. He was thinner, taller, more muscular, and the smell of soap, shampoo and deodorant clung to him in a way that Steve had never managed. She twisted his hair in her fingers and rubbed her cheek against his, thinking she could become addicted to the feel of being with someone clean-shaven.

For him, there had been many women in his life – almost too many to count – but this was something different altogether. He was aware of the situation enough to know that part of it was the pure thrill of survival but it was more than that. It was – it was – he shuddered when he felt her bring her hands up under his shirt and run them up his back. He pushed her down into the couch and started kissing her face and neck, thinking that he could become addicted to the smell of vanilla. His fingers felt clumsy as he attempted to undo the buttons on her shirt, kissing the bare flesh as he exposed it, opening her shirt up to her bra and smothering kisses across the swell of her breasts above the confining garment. She whimpered in pleasure and willed him to go further. "Jack!" she almost screamed when he dragged his mouth over the material. "Oh, God, please..."

She had never particularly liked sex and found herself struggling to wedge her hands between their bodies to get at the buttons on his shirt the way he seemed to be able to do with such ease. Finally she gave up and just yanked the shirt up. She dug her nails into his back and dragged them down. He didn't flinch. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he responded by thrusting his groin against her thigh so his state of arousal was unmissable. She brought her hands around and managed to wedge them between their bodies to the button on his jeans and struggled with it.

He raised his head slightly and asked raggedly, "Is this what you want?" He wasn't sure how exactly he was going to stop, only that he had to make sure it was what she wanted.

"Yes," she panted. She had never wanted anything more in her life, or been so sure of wanting something. She knew she was more than a little tipsy, knew they both were, knew they had been through a traumatic situation... which was precisely why they both needed this. She nudged his head with hers so she could kiss him again. God, but he was a good kisser. She whimpered in disappointment when he pulled away from her and got off the couch. He stood up and held his arms out for her. She scrambled into them and he swung her into his arms with ease.

"Where's your bedroom?" he asked.

"Through that door, turn left," she said breathlessly. Steve had never been able to lift her, let alone with such apparent ease. He carried her into her bedroom and laid her down on the bed with as much gentleness as he could manage, given the way she was panting and with her shirt half-undone like that meant he couldn't concentrate on much beyond wanting to finish the job. He climbed on top of her, balancing his weight on his knees, and finished off what he'd started with her shirt and tried to remain patient while she fumbled with the buttons on his. He was rewarded for his patience when he shrugged his shirt off and she ran her hands across his chest and back with abandon. He went back to kissing her, feeling like he could never get enough of her. He ran his hands along her body and reached around her to unclip her bra, freeing her breasts. He kissed them hungrily and felt as horny as he had been when he'd been sixteen. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this kind of heat with a woman.

"Gabrielle," he said huskily.

"Gabby," she directed him.

"Gabby." He tried the name out and found he liked it. "You're so sexy."

_Sexy?_ She couldn't remember feeling so sexy. She started trembling when she felt Jack's hands move down her chest and abdomen to the waistband of her jeans. It didn't take much effort to unbutton them and pull them down her legs, tossing them onto the floor. He grabbed her hands from where they were roaming his back and brought them to the front of his own jeans. She moved one down to his groin and found herself surprised, excited and a little nervous at the strength of his erection. There was something so insanely masculine about him that Steve had never possessed that overwhelmed her almost as much as it excited her. She threaded the button through the hole and pulled down the zipper until he was as naked as she was, clad in only his boxers.

He went back to kissing her and moved his hands down her body again, pausing briefly at the top of her panties before sliding his fingers under them. He took his time moving down until she was whimpering in protest at the time he was taking. "Jack, please," she said giddily. God knew, Steve had never made her feel like this.

He slipped his fingers inside her and began touching her in a way that she had never been touched before. Within a few minutes she was bucking wildly against his touch, clawing at his back and planting kisses along his face and neck. "_JACK!_" she screamed as she climaxed with a hard shudder.

Pleased at her response, he yanked her panties down and then discarded his own boxers. He grabbed her hand and wrapped it around his erection, confident that she would like what she got. "Ready?" he asked, suddenly feeling a little apprehensive himself. He hadn't intended to get involved with someone so soon, but with Gabrielle, it felt so right... She nodded. He positioned himself between her legs and penetrated her slowly, almost instinctively aware that he needed to take his time with her. He was surprised at how tight she was despite how ready she was for him. It excited him, and he restrained himself from going too fast with her. "Tell me if it hurts," he whispered. He felt her nod against his chest and, taking that as permission to continue, began moving in and out of her as slowly as he could stand until he felt her responding enthusiastically, rubbing her hands up and down his back, then becoming more frantic as he began touching her, digging her nails into his back, running her mouth against his face and neck, kissing, sucking, biting. She wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him as close to her as was humanly possible, willing him closer. She screamed his name as she climaxed again and went limp in his arms.

He finished soon after and climaxed with a drawn-out groan. He buried his face in her neck and felt like he could just come and come and come. He was shaking when he rolled off her and drew her into his arms. "Wow," was all he could say.

For a few minutes they lay entwined in silence. Then Gabrielle spoke up. "I've never done that before," she said. "I mean, I have, I just haven't – "

He kissed the top of her head. "I know what you meant."

"I've never – _acted_ like that before."

"Gabs, I get it. It's natural. There's actually a psychological term for it. We were both confronted with our mortality, it's natural you want to defy that by going out and procreating." He laughed ruefully at that. The last thing he needed was to get another colleague pregnant. "Speaking of which –"

"You don't have to worry, Jack. I'm on the pill."

"Is there anything else I have to worry about?" he asked, trying to keep his voice casual.

"Like what?"

"Like, uh... HIV and hepatitis."

She stiffened in his arms. "You don't trust me to tell you something like that?"

"I trust you plenty. It's Steve I don't."

She had actually forgotten about Steve. "I didn't trust him either," she admitted. "We never did it without a condom."

"Must have been hard," he murmured. "Not trusting him, I mean."

His words reminded her that Jack himself didn't have the best of reputations when it came to women, and now that the initial rush was over it began to sink in what she had done. She had just slept with Jack Quade – a man who had seduced and then humiliated one of her temps into quitting. She understood now why he had done it, but that didn't take away the fact that he had done it. By his own admission, he wasn't fit to be in a relationship. So where did that leave them, where did that leave her? "Jack, what do you want from me?" she asked.

"How do you mean?"

"I mean... what happens tomorrow?" she asked. "I can't just quit like Rachel did." Technically, she hadn't even been staff to quit. As a temp, Rachel could just not come back. Gabrielle had no such option. And it wasn't one she wanted, either. She had been lucky to get a NUM's position at her age, and damned if she was giving it up. Damnit, what had she been thinking?

"I'm not asking you to."

Frustrated and hurt by Jack's seeming indifference, she pulled away from him and got out of bed, reaching for her dressing gown so she could cover herself as quickly as possible. "Hey," Jack said gently. "Look, I'm not good at this in the best of circumstances, OK? I wasn't rejecting you, I just didn't understand what you meant. I want to see you again, I just... don't know what I can give right now." Jack pulled himself up into a sitting position and his eyes got a distant look. "Sometimes after my counselling I'm a wreck and I'm not ready for you to see me like that. But I can give you my friendship and loyalty and fidelity, if that's enough for you right now."

It sounded good to her. "What about acknowledgement?" she asked.

"Is that what you want? 'Cos I can hold your hand tomorrow if you want but I figured it was best if we see where we stand with each other first."

She hadn't thought about that. Gossip was rife in the hospital, and having their 'relationship' – whatever it was exactly – scrutinised so soon made her anxious. She trusted Jack, but was well aware of his reputation, was well aware that people would talk – and talk viciously – about how she was just one in a long line of conquests. She was ready for that. "I understand," he said when she explained, a little relieved himself. He liked his privacy and wasn't ready to give that up for what so far was a one-night stand, albeit one with potential to be far more. "But listen, Frank needs to know."

She groaned and buried her head in the pillow. The thought of Frank knowing something so initiate about her life made her even _more_ anxious than the general population knowing. "_Why_?" she asked plaintively.

"Cos he took me back on the proviso that I don't bring my private life to work, and getting involved with his NUM is a pretty big deal. Plus, I've kind of screwed him over in the past doing that," he admitted, thinking about the upheaval he had caused, first with Nelson's jealousy over finding out about him and Terri and then with Deanna using him as a backer when she cried sexual harassment about Frank.

Gabrielle squirmed at that, both because she knew Jack was right – far better for Frank to find out on their own terms rather than being caught out or him finding out through the gossip vine – and because she didn't like to be reminded that Jack had such a chequered past. She actually found it easier to deal with the fact he had slept around in the past than to think about the fact he had been in love with two of her predecessors. It didn't help that Terri Sullivan was _still_ considered something of a legend in the hospital. It was already a source of frustration for Gabrielle – the woman had been NUM in the ED for less than a year, and Gabrielle had taken the job a year after her departure (not to mention at least three NUMs later, four if you counted the fact that Nelson had done two stints), but people _still_ referred to her as 'Terri Sullivan's replacement'. She groaned and buried her head further in the pillow.

"I'm sorry," Jack said when she explained the source of her frustration. "We don't – we can just forget about it, if you want."

"I don't want to forget about it, Jack, I just want people to stop referring to me as Terri Sullivan's replacement. That's only going to get worse. Now I'm her replacement in two ways."

"Hey, you are _not_ her replacement, not in the job and not with me. We didn't – I didn't have a connection with her the way I do with you." He realised now that Terri had been right, at least more right than he had been. They hadn't been suited to being a couple. She had been too much older and despite their fondness for one another, they had been too different to work long-term. They made better friends than they had lovers. "Besides, you think it's going to be easy for me? _My _ex lives on the other side of the world. _Yours_ I have to work with. You're not going to be reminded of my past relationships every single day."

"Rachel still temps, mostly in oncology," Gabrielle remembered. She had gotten along really well, both personally and professionally, with the younger woman and had given her a glowing recommendation when Rachel had left the ED. She still saw her every week or so for a drink or coffee or just about the hospital grounds.

Jack cringed at that. Then he thought of something. "Then she has to know, too," he said.

"What? No!" Gabrielle protested. She remembered how heartbroken Rachel had been when Jack had ignored her and continued to ignore her. The girl would be devastated to learn that Jack had moved on – with a woman she considered a friend.

"Gabs, how would you feel if you were in her position If Steve started dating someone you used to work with, who you're friendly with – say, Cate – and you found out about it through the gossip vine?"

Gabrielle processed that thought in silence. She wouldn't like it at all, especially if she found out so impersonally. It wasn't quite the same thing – she and Steve had dated for years, she wasn't just some casual conquest to him, but still, she would have expected better than that and knew Rachel deserved it too. "OK," she admitted reluctantly. "Do you want me to come with you?"

Jack laughed at that. It was sweet of her to offer, but entirely inappropriate. "How would you feel, in the same scenario, if Steve went to tell you, Cate in tow?" She asked. "It's my mess and not fair for either of you to drag it out like that."

He had a good point, and she was relieved to be off the hook when it came to telling Rachel something like that. She could barely imagine how the girl would feel when she found out – she had been in love with Jack, or at least deeply infatuated, everyone but Jack himself had known that at the time. "Thanks," she said.

They lay in silence for a few more minutes as the euphoria wore off. Jack flexed his shoulders back and realised just how deep she had dug her nails in. "Ow," he complained with a grin, "what did you _do_ to me?"

He turned onto his side when Gabrielle instructed him to so she could inspect her handiwork. "Sorry," she said sheepishly.

"Remind me never to cross _you_ if that's your idea of affection," he said, secretly liking the fact she had been so into it that she'd dug her nails in so deep. Weren't nurses supposed to keep their nails trimmed? But then, if you dug in deep enough, it didn't matter _how_ sharp the object was. _Blunt-force trauma_, Jack thought, stifling the urge to giggle over it. "I'm going to take a shower," he said. "Care to join me?" he asked, a cheeky grin on his face.

"Jack! You cannot possibly be ready to go again," Gabrielle said disbelievingly.

He poked his tongue out at her. "You'll be surprised at just how much stamina I have," he said. "C'mon, up you get. The night is still young and I'm not finished yet."

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**Case of the Ex**

**Chapter One**

"I, uh, don't suppose you're doing anything tonight?" Gabrielle Jaeger, Nursing Unit Manager of the All Saints Emergency Department, found herself nervously asking her colleague and sort-of friend, Doctor Jack Quade. Sort-of friend because he had only recently been instated as a registrar in the department following his emotional breakdown and resignation from the surgical department just a few months previously. She had been reluctant to have him on board because of the way he had coldly seduced and then discarded one of her casual nurses, humiliating her with his indifference so deeply that she felt she had no option but to quit. It had been one of many examples that had characterised his destructive behaviour over the previous year, and she didn't want someone like that working on the ward. Especially since her ex, alcoholic and perennial womaniser himself, Steve Taylor, had walked out on her the previous week. She had _definitely_ not been in the mood to deal with another arrogant doctor whose main hobbies consisted of womanising and boozing it up.

But she had found the returning Jack to be much more at ease than the one who had quit his surgical position, thoughtful, insightful, in touch with his patients. She had found herself able to confide in him what she couldn't confide in anyone else but ED Head of Department Frank Campion – that Steve was an alcoholic and, following his return after walking out on her, was a drain on her emotional reserves. Jack always seemed to be able to make her feel that little bit better. Maybe it was just the way he always seemed to be waiting especially for her when their shifts ended about the same time to walk her to her car. Or the way he smiled at her when she joined the group at Cougars for after-work drinks in a way that made her think he'd been looking forward to her company. Or maybe the way he'd brush his hand across her shoulders when she was stressed or frustrated, just a silly gesture of affection that she enjoyed.

She didn't know what it was exactly. But she _did_ know that she needed company tonight, and she needed the company of someone who understood how close they had all come to losing their lives at the hands of a group of criminals who thought nothing of blowing up the pathology lab to create a diversion while they looted the pharmacy. Even now, she shivered to think about a gun being held at her face. She had no doubt the crazy woman would have shot her, had her boyfriend not come back.

"Hey." Jack noticed her shiver and reached out to rub his hand up and down her arm. "It's alright." But it wasn't, really, and her understood her need for company. He hadn't been part of the ED which had been held hostage by the trio, had spent the worst of it unconscious, but that in its own way reminded him of how easily things could have turned out differently. Only a few of the dozens of people who had been in the pathology lab at the time had survived. It could just as easily have been him.

"I don't mean to be an imposition," she found herself babbling. "But I really don't want to be alone and Steve's spending the evening with his sponsor and..." she trailed off, realising that she was making it out to sound like she didn't want him for himself, just a consolation prize for the one she really wanted. Which wasn't true. In fact, in all honesty, she would rather have Jack's company. She wasn't in the state of mind to deal with Steve's issues as an alcoholic on top of everything else today.

"That sounds good," Jack said. He didn't want to be alone either, and he didn't want to go home to Dan and Erica behaving like the disgustingly-in-love couple they were. He didn't blame them, but he didn't want to feel like he was unwelcome anywhere but his room, not tonight. "I just have some things to do first and I'll come over," he said.

"Seeing other women?" she couldn't help but tease.

"Yeah, tall, blond, aqua-grey eyes," he deadpanned, getting a small thrill out of seeing the look of disappointment on her face when he said that. "Kind of like mine. You've met Bec, she's the one Bart's terrified of after he made the mistake of not realising that everyone else knows who she is and lets her in."

Gabrielle laughed to hide her embarrassment over feeling a fission of jealousy when Jack mentioned seeing another woman. Yes, she had briefly met his sister. Twenty-one with all the confidence and arrogance that beauty, youth and intelligence could buy. She found herself looking into Jack's eyes to see that, yes, they really were aqua-grey, right now closer to green than anything else. "Are you guys close?" she asked.

"She always wanted a big brother and when she found out she had one... well, she's got quite an exuberant personality and once she had her heart set on it, there wasn't a lot I could do," Jack said ruefully in a tone that suggested he didn't mind in the slightest being co-opted into the relationship his sister wanted. "She'll hear about what's happened soon enough so I want to let her know I'm OK, then I'm all yours." He flashed her a smile that made her think she would enjoy being 'all his'.

They had both missed having someone's company over drinks. Between Dan's Hep-C and Steve's alcoholism, alcohol was pretty much a no-go and drinking alone was no fun. They talked for hours, starting off with light things about work and movies they'd seen and books they'd read, then onto childhood stories. Gabrielle found a sympathetic listener in Jack as she found herself telling him about Steve's infidelity. "To this day, I wonder if there wasn't something I could have done to make him stay. I get in my head that it was his choice and I did the best I could but there's always this part of me that wonders if there was something I did or didn't do. It gets lonely and then I wonder if _I_ had something to do with it."

Mostly because of the alcohol but partly because he recognised in Gabrielle someone who had been deeply wounded, even permanently scarred by someone who had used their sexual inexperience as a toy – someone who should have been old enough and compassionate enough to know better – he found himself telling her about Patrick. Gabrielle listened to him with the silence he deserved, rattled but somehow not all that surprised. Travis must have meant something huge to him that Jack had taken his death so hard. Naturally, there had been rumours that the two men had been unnaturally close, especially for someone like Jack who everyone knew had a wide homophobic streak. You couldn't really blame the more catty of gossips to wonder if that homophobic streak was just a cover for homosexual tendencies.

She hadn't been inclined to believe it. The way Rachel had blathered on about him – Jack certainly wouldn't be the first man to be a competent lover in bed while hiding gay tendencies – but she struggled to believe someone could be as absolutely devastating in bed as Rachel claimed and be hiding gay tendencies. But then, what did she know, she was just a silly girl from the country. Now it made sense. His promiscuity stemmed from his desire to prove he was straight, not from a desire to hide his homosexuality. "I'm sorry," was all she could say.

"It's OK. I'm dealing with it. Frank makes me see a counsellor- it was one of the conditions of me coming back."

Suddenly it struck her how well he was keeping it together, given what he had to deal with. It made her see him in a whole new light and she found herself opening up to him in a way she hadn't thought possible.

The night went on and the drinks and conservation flowed."I'm glad you came," she admitted after several hours – and several drinks – when the alcohol was giving her a pleasant buzz. "I didn't want to be alone."

"Me neither." Rebecca had been as understanding as she could, but there was only so much someone who hadn't been there could appreciate. "What keeps coming back to me is that I could have died when I hit the ground – just never woken up and registered what happened. Still, I wouldn't have wanted to be you. I've had syringes pointed at my neck and that was bad enough. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a gun pointed at you."

His words managed to cut right through the bravado she had been trying to build up ever since James had bolted with his cache of drugs. She had tried telling herself over and over that Melissa wouldn't _really_ have shot them – _threatening_ to kill someone was a whole lot different than actually doing it – but now that bravado crumbled in the basic honesty of Jack's words and she found herself shaking. "Here, it's OK," he said, drawing her into his arms. "It's OK. Let it out." He ran his hands up and down her back, as much to keep his mind focused on something and not give into the panic that routinely threatened to overwhelm him. Now more than ever was he aware of how close he had come to dying today and it scared the crap out of him.

She was crying into his chest now, and she could feel the way his heart was racing against her cheek. It felt perversely good to know he was just as distressed as she was, for all that he was acting like the macho man who didn't _get _distressed. She tightened her arms around his neck, not wanting to let go, wanting to get as close to him as she humanly could – closer than was humanly possible – close to one of the few people who had been as scared out of their wits today as she was - and the only person who had bothered to find time to keep her company. "Jack," she cried his name. "Jack." She tightened her arms around his neck again, and he knew instinctively that was his cue to hold her tighter as well. "Don't let go."

"I've got you," he whispered huskily. In spite of the circumstances that had brought them together, she felt so good in his arms, like she belonged here, like things had been building up for some indeterminate period of time for them to be together like this. Far away in his mind he was aware that it was shock and a need for affirmation of their existence and survival that was causing them both to act like this, but he didn't care.

"Jack," she said again. Her fingers were digging into the back of his neck and he suddenly became very aware of how good she smelled – vanilla, he thought it was.

At the same time, she became suddenly aware of how strong his hold was, and how safe she felt in his arms. And that despite the beer on his breath, he smelt clean, like proper soap and not the disgusting dry antiseptic soap they used at the hospital. She lifted her head so she could look into his eyes and noticed they were closer to gray now. God, they were mesmerising. She wondered if he was one of those people who's eye colour changed the their mood and found herself thinking she wanted to stick around to see if they did.

Neither of them were able to remember who kissed who, but in the next second they were kissing frantically, tongues in each other's mouths, hands all over each other's bodies. She had only ever been with Steve and she found the different feel of his body intoxicating. He was thinner, taller, more muscular, and the smell of soap, shampoo and deodorant clung to him in a way that Steve had never managed. She twisted his hair in her fingers and rubbed her cheek against his, thinking she could become addicted to the feel of being with someone clean-shaven.

For him, there had been many women in his life – almost too many to count – but this was something different altogether. He was aware of the situation enough to know that part of it was the pure thrill of survival but it was more than that. It was – it was – he shuddered when he felt her bring her hands up under his shirt and run them up his back. He pushed her down into the couch and started kissing her face and neck, thinking that he could become addicted to the smell of vanilla. His fingers felt clumsy as he attempted to undo the buttons on her shirt, kissing the bare flesh as he exposed it, opening her shirt up to her bra and smothering kisses across the swell of her breasts above the confining garment. She whimpered in pleasure and willed him to go further. "Jack!" she almost screamed when he dragged his mouth over the material. "Oh, God, please..."

She had never particularly liked sex and found herself struggling to wedge her hands between their bodies to get at the buttons on his shirt the way he seemed to be able to do with such ease. Finally she gave up and just yanked the shirt up. She dug her nails into his back and dragged them down. He didn't flinch. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he responded by thrusting his groin against her thigh so his state of arousal was unmissable. She brought her hands around and managed to wedge them between their bodies to the button on his jeans and struggled with it.

He raised his head slightly and asked raggedly, "Is this what you want?" He wasn't sure how exactly he was going to stop, only that he had to make sure it was what she wanted.

"Yes," she panted. She had never wanted anything more in her life, or been so sure of wanting something. She knew she was more than a little tipsy, knew they both were, knew they had been through a traumatic situation... which was precisely why they both needed this. She nudged his head with hers so she could kiss him again. God, but he was a good kisser. She whimpered in disappointment when he pulled away from her and got off the couch. He stood up and held his arms out for her. She scrambled into them and he swung her into his arms with ease.

"Where's your bedroom?" he asked.

"Through that door, turn left," she said breathlessly. Steve had never been able to lift her, let alone with such apparent ease. He carried her into her bedroom and laid her down on the bed with as much gentleness as he could manage, given the way she was panting and with her shirt half-undone like that meant he couldn't concentrate on much beyond wanting to finish the job. He climbed on top of her, balancing his weight on his knees, and finished off what he'd started with her shirt and tried to remain patient while she fumbled with the buttons on his. He was rewarded for his patience when he shrugged his shirt off and she ran her hands across his chest and back with abandon. He went back to kissing her, feeling like he could never get enough of her. He ran his hands along her body and reached around her to unclip her bra, freeing her breasts. He kissed them hungrily and felt as horny as he had been when he'd been sixteen. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this kind of heat with a woman.

"Gabrielle," he said huskily.

"Gabby," she directed him.

"Gabby." He tried the name out and found he liked it. "You're so sexy."

_Sexy?_ She couldn't remember feeling so sexy. She started trembling when she felt Jack's hands move down her chest and abdomen to the waistband of her jeans. It didn't take much effort to unbutton them and pull them down her legs, tossing them onto the floor. He grabbed her hands from where they were roaming his back and brought them to the front of his own jeans. She moved one down to his groin and found herself surprised, excited and a little nervous at the strength of his erection. There was something so insanely masculine about him that Steve had never possessed that overwhelmed her almost as much as it excited her. She threaded the button through the hole and pulled down the zipper until he was as naked as she was, clad in only his boxers.

He went back to kissing her and moved his hands down her body again, pausing briefly at the top of her panties before sliding his fingers under them. He took his time moving down until she was whimpering in protest at the time he was taking. "Jack, please," she said giddily. God knew, Steve had never made her feel like this.

He slipped his fingers inside her and began touching her in a way that she had never been touched before. Within a few minutes she was bucking wildly against his touch, clawing at his back and planting kisses along his face and neck. "_JACK!_" she screamed as she climaxed with a hard shudder.

Pleased at her response, he yanked her panties down and then discarded his own boxers. He grabbed her hand and wrapped it around his erection, confident that she would like what she got. "Ready?" he asked, suddenly feeling a little apprehensive himself. He hadn't intended to get involved with someone so soon, but with Gabrielle, it felt so right... She nodded. He positioned himself between her legs and penetrated her slowly, almost instinctively aware that he needed to take his time with her. He was surprised at how tight she was despite how ready she was for him. It excited him, and he restrained himself from going too fast with her. "Tell me if it hurts," he whispered. He felt her nod against his chest and, taking that as permission to continue, began moving in and out of her as slowly as he could stand until he felt her responding enthusiastically, rubbing her hands up and down his back, then becoming more frantic as he began touching her, digging her nails into his back, running her mouth against his face and neck, kissing, sucking, biting. She wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him as close to her as was humanly possible, willing him closer. She screamed his name as she climaxed again and went limp in his arms.

He finished soon after and climaxed with a drawn-out groan. He buried his face in her neck and felt like he could just come and come and come. He was shaking when he rolled off her and drew her into his arms. "Wow," was all he could say.

For a few minutes they lay entwined in silence. Then Gabrielle spoke up. "I've never done that before," she said. "I mean, I have, I just haven't – "

He kissed the top of her head. "I know what you meant."

"I've never – _acted_ like that before."

"Gabs, I get it. It's natural. There's actually a psychological term for it. We were both confronted with our mortality, it's natural you want to defy that by going out and procreating." He laughed ruefully at that. The last thing he needed was to get another colleague pregnant. "Speaking of which –"

"You don't have to worry, Jack. I'm on the pill."

"Is there anything else I have to worry about?" he asked, trying to keep his voice casual.

"Like what?"

"Like, uh... HIV and hepatitis."

She stiffened in his arms. "You don't trust me to tell you something like that?"

"I trust you plenty. It's Steve I don't."

She had actually forgotten about Steve. "I didn't trust him either," she admitted. "We never did it without a condom."

"Must have been hard," he murmured. "Not trusting him, I mean."

His words reminded her that Jack himself didn't have the best of reputations when it came to women, and now that the initial rush was over it began to sink in what she had done. She had just slept with Jack Quade – a man who had seduced and then humiliated one of her temps into quitting. She understood now why he had done it, but that didn't take away the fact that he had done it. By his own admission, he wasn't fit to be in a relationship. So where did that leave them, where did that leave her? "Jack, what do you want from me?" she asked.

"How do you mean?"

"I mean... what happens tomorrow?" she asked. "I can't just quit like Rachel did." Technically, she hadn't even been staff to quit. As a temp, Rachel could just not come back. Gabrielle had no such option. And it wasn't one she wanted, either. She had been lucky to get a NUM's position at her age, and damned if she was giving it up. Damnit, what had she been thinking?

"I'm not asking you to."

Frustrated and hurt by Jack's seeming indifference, she pulled away from him and got out of bed, reaching for her dressing gown so she could cover herself as quickly as possible. "Hey," Jack said gently. "Look, I'm not good at this in the best of circumstances, OK? I wasn't rejecting you, I just didn't understand what you meant. I want to see you again, I just... don't know what I can give right now." Jack pulled himself up into a sitting position and his eyes got a distant look. "Sometimes after my counselling I'm a wreck and I'm not ready for you to see me like that. But I can give you my friendship and loyalty and fidelity, if that's enough for you right now."

It sounded good to her. "What about acknowledgement?" she asked.

"Is that what you want? 'Cos I can hold your hand tomorrow if you want but I figured it was best if we see where we stand with each other first."

She hadn't thought about that. Gossip was rife in the hospital, and having their 'relationship' – whatever it was exactly – scrutinised so soon made her anxious. She trusted Jack, but was well aware of his reputation, was well aware that people would talk – and talk viciously – about how she was just one in a long line of conquests. She was ready for that. "I understand," he said when she explained, a little relieved himself. He liked his privacy and wasn't ready to give that up for what so far was a one-night stand, albeit one with potential to be far more. "But listen, Frank needs to know."

She groaned and buried her head in the pillow. The thought of Frank knowing something so initiate about her life made her even _more_ anxious than the general population knowing. "_Why_?" she asked plaintively.

"Cos he took me back on the proviso that I don't bring my private life to work, and getting involved with his NUM is a pretty big deal. Plus, I've kind of screwed him over in the past doing that," he admitted, thinking about the upheaval he had caused, first with Nelson's jealousy over finding out about him and Terri and then with Deanna using him as a backer when she cried sexual harassment about Frank.

Gabrielle squirmed at that, both because she knew Jack was right – far better for Frank to find out on their own terms rather than being caught out or him finding out through the gossip vine – and because she didn't like to be reminded that Jack had such a chequered past. She actually found it easier to deal with the fact he had slept around in the past than to think about the fact he had been in love with two of her predecessors. It didn't help that Terri Sullivan was _still_ considered something of a legend in the hospital. It was already a source of frustration for Gabrielle – the woman had been NUM in the ED for less than a year, and Gabrielle had taken the job a year after her departure (not to mention at least three NUMs later, four if you counted the fact that Nelson had done two stints), but people _still_ referred to her as 'Terri Sullivan's replacement'. She groaned and buried her head further in the pillow.

"I'm sorry," Jack said when she explained the source of her frustration. "We don't – we can just forget about it, if you want."

"I don't want to forget about it, Jack, I just want people to stop referring to me as Terri Sullivan's replacement. That's only going to get worse. Now I'm her replacement in two ways."

"Hey, you are _not_ her replacement, not in the job and not with me. We didn't – I didn't have a connection with her the way I do with you." He realised now that Terri had been right, at least more right than he had been. They hadn't been suited to being a couple. She had been too much older and despite their fondness for one another, they had been too different to work long-term. They made better friends than they had lovers. "Besides, you think it's going to be easy for me? _My _ex lives on the other side of the world. _Yours_ I have to work with. You're not going to be reminded of my past relationships every single day."

"Rachel still temps, mostly in oncology," Gabrielle remembered. She had gotten along really well, both personally and professionally, with the younger woman and had given her a glowing recommendation when Rachel had left the ED. She still saw her every week or so for a drink or coffee or just about the hospital grounds.

Jack cringed at that. Then he thought of something. "Then she has to know, too," he said.

"What? No!" Gabrielle protested. She remembered how heartbroken Rachel had been when Jack had ignored her and continued to ignore her. The girl would be devastated to learn that Jack had moved on – with a woman she considered a friend.

"Gabs, how would you feel if you were in her position If Steve started dating someone you used to work with, who you're friendly with – say, Cate – and you found out about it through the gossip vine?"

Gabrielle processed that thought in silence. She wouldn't like it at all, especially if she found out so impersonally. It wasn't quite the same thing – she and Steve had dated for years, she wasn't just some casual conquest to him, but still, she would have expected better than that and knew Rachel deserved it too. "OK," she admitted reluctantly. "Do you want me to come with you?"

Jack laughed at that. It was sweet of her to offer, but entirely inappropriate. "How would you feel, in the same scenario, if Steve went to tell you, Cate in tow?" She asked. "It's my mess and not fair for either of you to drag it out like that."

He had a good point, and she was relieved to be off the hook when it came to telling Rachel something like that. She could barely imagine how the girl would feel when she found out – she had been in love with Jack, or at least deeply infatuated, everyone but Jack himself had known that at the time. "Thanks," she said.

They lay in silence for a few more minutes as the euphoria wore off. Jack flexed his shoulders back and realised just how deep she had dug her nails in. "Ow," he complained with a grin, "what did you _do_ to me?"

He turned onto his side when Gabrielle instructed him to so she could inspect her handiwork. "Sorry," she said sheepishly.

"Remind me never to cross _you_ if that's your idea of affection," he said, secretly liking the fact she had been so into it that she'd dug her nails in so deep. Weren't nurses supposed to keep their nails trimmed? But then, if you dug in deep enough, it didn't matter _how_ sharp the object was. _Blunt-force trauma_, Jack thought, stifling the urge to giggle over it. "I'm going to take a shower," he said. "Care to join me?" he asked, a cheeky grin on his face.

"Jack! You cannot possibly be ready to go again," Gabrielle said disbelievingly.

He poked his tongue out at her. "You'll be surprised at just how much stamina I have," he said. "C'mon, up you get. The night is still young and I'm not finished yet."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Rachel Simms caught sight of Jack waiting for her outside the exit she had to take to get out of Oncology. She immediately did a right-turn and started marching off in the opposite direction. "Wait, hold on a sec!" Jack called after her. "I need to talk to you."

"What, rubbing my nose in your latest conquest the first time wasn't enough?" Rachel asked bitterly. It was all over the hospital that notorious womaniser Jack Quade had spent the night with someone; people were tripping over themselves to tell her.

"How did you know about that?" he asked.

"Apparently you told your sister and Dan that you were spending the night with the other and they compared notes."

"Ah." That would explain the missed call on his mobile from Rebecca that he hadn't gotten around to returning. And that meant Dan must have told everyone he came across that Jack had lied about who he was spending the night with. Jack scowled at that. He knew he should be used to Dan's gossiping by now, but it still sucked when the man blabbed about his private life. It was none of his business.

"What you do is none of my business, Jack, you made that perfectly clear," Rachel snapped. "You can screw whoever you like."

He hurried after her. "It's Gabrielle," he blurted out. He had intended to break it to her more gently, but she wasn't giving him much opportunity.

She stopped and stared at him for a few seconds, and for a moment, she looked like she was going to cry. It was exactly what Jack had been worried about. Then she tossed her head defiantly. "If she's stupid enough to think spreading her legs for you will get her anywhere, well, that's her problem."

She started walking off again and Jack raced to catch up with her again. "That's exactly what I'm trying to tell you," he said. _Geez, you try to do someone a favour and they snap at you_. "It's not just a one-night thing. I want to date her. I like her, I care about her. I want to see her again. I'm seeing her tonight, as a matter of fact."

She stopped again, and stared at him, her resolve crumbling. "And you didn't care about me?" she asked.

He shook his head. No point in trying to sugar-coat it. "No."

She stared at this man who had used her and discarded her the next day, humiliating her into quitting, who was now telling her that he had moved onto her boss and friend, worse than that, that he _cared_ about her. She raised her hand and slapped him with all her strength.

He recoiled slightly but took the blow without trying to deflect it. "Feel better?" he asked.

"No."

"You want to try again? You hit worse than my sister, and she's younger than you."

For some reason, the comparison was so ridiculous that she found herself smiling for just a second. "Do I want to know what you did that made her hit you?" she asked.

"Wouldn't go to her stupid Cancer Orphans support group."

"Jack, that's horrible!"

"What? It's a stupid name, she's not an orphan, and secondly, I barely knew our mum. She abandoned me when I was eighteen months old and reappeared when she was dying. I'm sorry if it sounds callous, but I didn't know her, let alone love her. I'm not going to insult her memory and the real grief of all those so-called Cancer Orphans by going along and pretending to feel something I don't."

That actually made sense. "But you love your sister," she mused out loud. She remembered something Erica had said, that she never missed her own brother more than when she saw Jack and Rebecca together, because there was no bond quite like the one between siblings. Jack nodded slightly. They said you could tell the kind of person a man was by the way he treated his younger sister, and that was part of why she didn't understand Jack's behaviour. "Everyone says you're this great guy who treats women with respect – that's why I don't understand the way you treated me. I really liked you, Jack, and I thought you liked me... but all you wanted from me was a warm body, and if that was the case, why didn't you use some common sense and pick some random woman in a bar?"

"I did that too, remember?" he reminded her.

She made a face. "Classy, Jack," she said sarcastically. But she could tell he still felt bad about Mercedes. "That's something else I don't understand. She meant nothing to you, but you still felt bad about what happened – and it wasn't your fault. I can't reconcile this great guy who everyone raves about with the guy who seduced me and discarded me. What happened that you changed so much?"

He hadn't realised now how badly he had hurt her, and how much she needed closure. "If I tell you, you can't tell anyone," he said guardedly.

She was surprised. How bad could it be? "I'm serious," he said when she said as much. "Five people know, including my counsellor." And maybe Erica, but he had never asked Dan if she knew because he wasn't sure he was ready to deal with such a potential betrayal of a confidence. "I wouldn't even tell you if you didn't deserve to know why I treated you that way."

Wow, it had to be serious. "Of course I won't say anything," she said.

He nodded. "Why don't we go grab a drink? I really don't feel like talking about it here."

... "The funny thing is, when Travis first showed up in my life, I just wanted him to go away. I offered to clear out my savings account and send him packing. It didn't seem fair that everything should come back to bite me on the ass after everything that had happened – if I believed in God, I would have thought he'd owe me one already. But when he started to deteriorate, I realised how much he meant to me. He was the only person who really understood what I had gone through. You can't – I mean, you've treated rape victims before, I'm sure, you know the damage that can be done, but – it's not something you can truly understand until you've been through it." Jack shivered despite the fact it was a warm evening and he was wearing a jacket. "Gwen – my counsellor – tells me what I was doing was proving I was straight – _look at all the women I've slept with_. It made me feel good about myself, for a little while."

Rachel found herself nodding in understanding. Jack was right, she couldn't truly comprehend what he had been through. She had seen kids like him but that wasn't the same as understanding what they had been through. And yet she understood better now what had possessed him to sleep with her and discard her so shabbily. Always looking for that fix to prove he was straight, never truly forgetting both the pain of being raped or the accusations that he had asked for it, that he was secretly gay. To lose the one person who understood what you had gone through – "I know I humiliated you and made you feel dirty and I feel awful about it. I felt awful about it the next day, I just couldn't tell you why. If it's any consolation to you, he made me feel worse dozens of times."

And there it was, the closure she had sought. She had hated him before, but how could she hate someone who had been through so much? He had said it so concisely; he had made her feel dirty, but not nearly as dirty as he had been made to feel on more than one occasion. His actions had been those of a boy trying to prove himself, not a man who didn't care about anything but his own selfish desires. "It's OK, Jack," she said. "I understand – well, as much as anyone can. And you don't have to worry. I won't tell anyone. If you don't mind me asking, who else knows?"

"Dan, Mike, Frank, Gwen, Gabrielle... and now you."He smiled ruefully. "That's how things got started between us last night. We got to talking about personal stuff and I found myself opening up to her. Gwen wasn't impressed," he added. "I wasn't supposed to get involved with someone for at least six months. Too late now."

And it suddenly hit her how much work Jack and Gabrielle were going to have to put into their relationship. He was only just starting his road to recovery, there was a reason this Gwen had recommended against getting involved with anyone too soon. There had been a time Rachel had desperately wanted Jack to feel the way about her that he felt about Gabrielle... but now she wouldn't want to be in the older woman's shoes, knew she didn't have the strength to be involved with someone in the place Jack was right now. She didn't envy either of them.

"I miss her," she found herself admitting. "She was the best boss I ever had. And Frank's not nearly as bad as everyone makes out. Is the ward still in need of nursing staff?" she asked hopefully.

"I thought you didn't trust me."

"I didn't trust you because I didn't understand. I think I can work with you now."

"I'll talk to her," Jack said cautiously. "It's nothing personal but I don't know how she'll cope having you around. I know _I'm_ not happy about having to work with Steve."

"Of course." Now that Jack had brought it up, she envied the older woman even less now. It couldn't be easy, dating someone with Jack's reputation. She had been too infatuated with him at the time to think about it, but now she realised it took a far more secure woman than her to endure the constant talk about Jack's exploits.

Glad that things with Rachel had turned out so well, Jack went back to the hospital to find Frank. "You know, Jack, if you're going to use me and Bec as alibis so you can get laid, you really should let us know," Dan greeted him with a grin when he saw Jack.

Jack scowled at him. "Heard of respecting my privacy?" he asked grumpily, his good mood immediately dimmed.

Dan wiped the grin off his face. "Is everything OK?" he asked when Jack was close enough that he could talk to the doctor without people overhearing. "I mean – I just don't want to see you go down this road again."

"What road?" Jack asked testily.

"Using alcohol and women to deal with your problems," Dan said bluntly. "I was worried about you last night when I realised you weren't with Rebecca. I thought Gwen warned you against this."

"Relax Dan," Jack said gruffly, secretly a little touched that Dan cared. "It wasn't like that. I can't explain it right now but – it wasn't like that. I'm OK. I'm better than OK, really I am. I came in to see Rachel – I _was_ trying to let her down gently before she heard anything through the gossip vine," he added with what Dan had long found to be typical Jack snarkiness.

"Sorry," Dan said, actually feeling bad and wondering how serious Jack was about being OK. He certainly _looked_ much better than he did after one of his all-nights with a carton of beer and a random woman. It made Dan wonder just how random the woman was. He looked tired, but happy. You tended not to get that from a one-nighter with a stranger.

"It's fine," Jack said. "It's done. I just came to see Frank about something."

"Wait, he's not –" Dan started to explain, but Jack was headed towards Frank's office and out of Dan's earshot before he could get the words out...

... "I'm sorry I couldn't make it last night," Steve was saying to Gabrielle at the same time. Frank was off dealing with admin and Zoe was doing rounds, which meant he had found Gabrielle on her own. He was pleased with that. He had felt bad about not being able to take her up on her offer of company last night; if it had been any other night, he would have taken it, but he had known that if he didn't talk to his sponsor after such an experience, it would lead to a bender.

"It's OK, you did what you needed to," Gabrielle said. _We all did_. She sucked on her bottom lip, sure she could still taste Jack on her mouth – despite the fact Jack had tasted like beer. How come Jack's beer-tasting kisses were so much nicer than Steve's? Possibly because even drunk, Jack actually knew how to kiss and wasn't sloppy and forceful the way Steve was when drunk, but she knew it was more than that. She knew what Jack and she had shared last night was more than the sum of its parts – their being drunk, their being rattled, their needing a connection. She stifled the urge to grin in front of Steve, thinking about the marks she had left on Jack's body – she had _never_ acted like that before, never been so uninhibited, never wanted to cling and bite and scratch like that. And Jack hadn't exactly left her body untouched, either.

She knew people were talking. Thankfully, no-one had made the connection between them. She hoped it would stay that way for a while. She wasn't ready to share what they had with the whole world.

"But _you_ needed me," Steve pressed, wanting her to admit to it.

"I got by," she said dryly. The image of Jack taking her hard and fast from behind in the shower came to mind, and she hoped her make-up covered her blushing.

"I was thinking I could come by tonight," Steve said. "Have dinner, watch a few DVDs... just like old times."

_ Jack slammed into her_, _pushing her even harder against the tile wall._ _She screamed in abandoned ecstasy._"I, uh, have plans for tonight," she managed to mumble.

_She had plans for tonight?_ Since when? Gabrielle never did anything. Certainly when they had been together, they had never gone out. Steve conveniently forgot that was largely because he _liked_ staying at home where a bottle of Scotch was cheaper than buying shots at a pub, and Gabrielle's cooking was superior to any pub food. "Another time, then," Steve persisted. "I miss you." He cupped her chin with his hand and pulled it up so she was facing him. She was trembling slightly, and he credited it with his close proximity. He wondered if that was what she had wanted from him last night. He leaned in to kiss her...

And pulled away when the door opened suddenly. "Frank, I –" Jack started. He glowered when he saw Steve with Gabrielle in what looked like a pre-kiss pose. "I was looking for Frank," he said needlessly.

Steve scowled when he saw Jack. Wasn't it the guy's day off? He hadn't liked Jack from the beginning – too full of himself and his Sydney-born-and-bred attitude, too close to Gabrielle for Steve's liking. "He's in admin," Steve said shortly. He could have throttled the younger man when Gabrielle got up out of her seat and made her excuses about seeing her patients. She brushed past Jack, feeling her body burn when their arms touched. She knew Jack was upset. She couldn't blame him. She hadn't encouraged Steve to try and kiss her at all, but she knew if she had caught Jack in the same position with, say, Rachel, she'd be upset too.

She tried to talk to him as he made his exit. "Later," he said. "Not here." He needed time to calm down and he didn't want to make a scene. In his gut, he knew Gabrielle hadn't encouraged Steve to try and kiss her, but that didn't stop him feeling a little jealous. He wanted her all to himself. He didn't want to share, didn't want to think about her being with someone else – having _ever_ been with someone else. He knew that was hypocritical, but he couldn't help the way he felt.

He found Frank dealing with Oliver Marone, and the man was only too happy to be distracted. He didn't remain happy for long, after Jack admitted that he and Gabrielle had spent the night together. If Jack hadn't grown up with a step-mother who's bitter resentment over her husband's infidelities and alcohol abuse gave her a brutal temper, he would have been frightened in the face of Frank's anger. "I thought I told you not to bring your personal life into my ward!" he raged.

"I didn't mean for it to happen, Frank," Jack said, a little indignant that Frank seemed to think he had nothing better to do than lie awake at night thinking of ways to piss Frank off. But then, he couldn't really blame him for thinking that when his past habit of bringing his personal life into work had caused so much havoc. Guiltily, he remembered how Frank's heart attack had been caused by Deanna's manipulations, which she had only been able to pull off having an infatuated and gullible Jack as her back. "It's not what you think. I care about her. I want to date her. I just thought you had a right to know."

"I have a _right_ to be able to depend on my doctors," Frank said grumpily. He still wasn't sure if he had made the right decision, letting Steve come back. And God knew what would happen once Steve found out about Jack and Gabrielle's relationship. The two men hadn't gotten along from day one, and Jack being involved with her would only make things worse.

"Frank, I'm sorry. If I could make things easier, I would." But he could not in all honesty say that he regretted what had happened between him and Gabrielle. "I just wanted you to know. I know I've done the wrong thing by you in the past."

Frank grunted at that, refusing to concede that it was decent of him to do that, and to acknowledge that his behaviour in the past when it came to his personal life hadn't been exemplary. Frank remembered all the aggro that had gone on with Terri Sullivan when any idiot would have known that the two weren't going to make it in the long run (although what Terri, who had otherwise impressed him with her common sense, had thought would happen after she tired of an obviously-infatuated Jack, he didn't know) but it had created a simmering tension between Jack and Nelson that had never really been resolved, and played a part in Terri's eventual decision to leave the country. And the less said about Deanna Richardson, the better. And it was certainly more decent of Jack to be upfront about their relationship that Steve had been about his alcoholism. "If you cause me _any _trouble_ – _" Frank warned.

"I know, Frank."

"And that includes how Taylor reacts when he finds out – and don't think he'll take it in his stride," Frank added.

"Yes, Frank," Jack agreed, glad to be getting off so lightly. On top of Rachel's acceptance of his new relationship with Gabrielle and her understanding of why he had treated her the way he had, things had gone better than he had expected. He wondered if that was a good sign.

Then he remembered catching Steve trying to kiss _his_ girl and scowled. Frank thought Steve wouldn't take it in his stride? How did he think _Jack_ would feel about Steve hitting on his girl?

Suddenly, all the obstacles they had talked about last night were that little bit more real.

* * *

Gabrielle had been hard at work from the second she had arrived home – actually, from the second she had left the hospital. The more she replayed Steve's almost-kiss in her head, the worse she felt for Jack and she wanted to make it up to him. She had dropped by a lingerie store on her way home and bought the kind of nightie she would never had dreamed of wearing before (no matter how Steve pestered) – red satin with a black lace trim and a black satin dressing gown tied loosely around her waist. She felt exposed and excited at seeing his reaction.

She worked on dinner while she waited for him – she had heard him say more than once that Dan's diet consisted of TV meals and two-minute noodles, so she bet it had been a long time since someone had made him a decent home-cooked meal. It was their first 'proper' night together – not counting their impromptu liaison last night – and she wanted to make him feel special. Especially after what he had walked in on. Not that it had been anything, and not that she would have let Steve kiss her if he'd actually managed it, but she still felt bad. Jack wasn't the type to just take it when other men paid attention to his girl.

There was a knock on the door at half past six, and she went to get it. There he was, freshly showered and in different clothes to what he had been wearing today at the hospital. He hadn't been working, so he wouldn't have gotten dirty, which must mean that he had showered and changed just for her. That was sweet. She smiled at him, taking in his appearance, thinking how cute his hair looked when it was wet and spiky. "You look... great," he said huskily when he took in what she was wearing. He wondered if it was new. It didn't seem like the type of thing she wore.

He followed her into the kitchen. "Something smells good," he said appreciatively. "It's been a while since someone did me a home-cooked meal." She squirmed with pleasure at that. She had been right and she had made him happy. She stood facing the counter and Jack stood behind her, her back against his chest, his hands on her hips. "Is there anything I can help you with?" he asked. She shook her head and leaned back into him, enjoying the sensation of hips lips on her neck.

"Jack..." she murmured as his fingers started tracing random pattern across the slinky material of her nightie. She could feel the heat of his movements through the thin material as if she were naked. She had known that last night's chemistry had just been about two bodies needing to prove that they were alive, but she hadn't realised until now just how hot she was for him. She couldn't believe she had gotten through the day without his touch. "I missed you," she said.

It was exactly the thing he needed to hear. "Yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"I missed you, too." And to prove it, he thrust his crotch against the small of her back so she could feel his erection pushing against her.

"Jack!" she admonished him. "I'm trying to prepare dinner."

"Dinner can wait. I have other appetites." She had no doubt that was true. Jack moved his hands from her stomach up her arms and tugged at the thin straps of her nightie. She figured there was nothing to do but go along with what he wanted – not that she had much inclination o resist him. He pulled the material down slowly, brushing his fingertips along her skin as he bared it until she was whimpering softly. He hadn't even kissed her properly yet, but who needed kisses when you had someone who knew how to touch like Jack?

Pulling the material down to expose her breasts, he caressed her sensually until she was doing more than whimpering. "Jack, please..."

He nibbled on her ear. There was something intoxicating about making her plead that went beyond the usual desire to know he had a woman wanting it so bad she would beg. He knew part of it came from the childish urge to know he was a better man than Steve, but he made himself feel better by reminding himself that it was about a conquest, it was about how he felt about her. That he was proving himself to be a better man than Steve was just the icing. "You want me?" he asked teasingly.

"I want you," she breathed. "Oh, god, Jack, I want you." She couldn't believe it was her voice saying those words. So brazen. She didn't care, especially when Jack moved his hands away from her breasts and down her body to the hem of the skimpy nightie and pulled it up a few inches so expose the tiny black lace g-string that matched the outfit. Before she was fully aware of what was happening, he had pulled it down her thighs and from there, gravity took care of the rest. The scrap of material was soon at her feet. "_Jack_." She was panting now, her own urgent. She was glad she had her back to him, because she wasn't sure she could face him given how wanton she felt right now... even if he _was_ the cause of it.

It was all he could do not to take off his pants and bury himself inside her, but that would be selfish, and there was no fun in being selfish. His brought his fingers between her thighs and penetrated her, first slow and shallow, going deeper and faster as the seconds went by. He kept his free arm tightly around her waist as she began bucking against him, putting in a decent effort given she was wedged between his body and the kitchen counter. Screaming his name, she climaxed and would have collapsed if it wasn't for his supporting arm.

He didn't give her time to recover. Swiftly unzipping his pants and yanking them down along with his boxers, he plunged into her from behind. It was then that he realised he wasn't really in control either. The day had seemed to go on forever, especially when compounded with his feelings of jealousy. He thrust hard and fast, his fingers working as frantically between her thighs as he was behind her and it wasn't long before they climaxed together. "You're mine," he grunted possessively as he spilled himself inside her.

The initial frenzied need past, he helped her back into her g-string and pushed her nightie and gown back into place, turning her around and hugging her, kissing her chastely on the top of the head. "You're mine," he repeated, though far more gently.

"I know," she agreed contentedly.

He hugged her for a minute or so, then pulled away. "I'm going to have a shower," he said.

"Jack! You can't be serious!"

He looked at her blankly for a second. "Oh, that. No, I really do need a shower." She would soon realise that showering after sex was a compulsive need ingrained for over fifteen years that wasn't going to be fixed overnight. He flashed her a cheeky grin. "But I do like showering with you, and I won't be hungry for a while." And with that he sauntered off.

"Cheeky bugger," Gabrielle muttered, watching him walk off as if he owned the place after just one night. Maybe she should try hitting him up for rent, when was likely to be spending a lot of nights here. Then realising he was perfectly serious about having a shower, she followed him. He was right. Dinner could wait.

After a shower and dinner, they spent a few hours thrashing around in bed before they were tired and she snuggled into his arms. It was only then that she had the courage to bring up what he had seen that afternoon. "I'm sorry about what you saw," she said. "Between me and Steve, I mean. I had no idea he was going to try that. I didn't encourage him at all."

"I know that."

"You don't sound like you know it," she said warily.

He sighed. "I get it in my head, Gabs. But there's a difference between knowing in my head that you're not that kind of person and never will be and actually seeing that he obviously still has feelings for you with my own eyes. It's a lot harder to deal with in reality that was last night." Last night, when they had still been partially drunk and wrapped up in each other's arms and feeling like there were no other lovers in the world and never had been. "You should tell him, you know. About us."

"Jack... I don't want to dump this on him so soon into his recovery." It hadn't been until today that she had realised how slim a hold Steve had on sobriety. She knew she shouldn't been surprised, it had been less than three months since he had quit drinking. She was proud at how well he had dealt with yesterday's trauma, and aware now at how easy it would have been to slip back o his old ways at the first sign of trouble.

"Gabs, Steve is in the same position as Rachel is except despite what I might think of the guy, he deserves a heads-up more than she does, more than Frank does. You know how you'd feel if the situation was reversed."

She knew. But she also knew she was far stronger emotionally to handle such a bombshell. "Just... give it a while," she pleaded. "Let's see where this is going before we tell him anything."Jack reluctantly agreed. "Before _I_ tell him anything," she corrected, realising it was hardly fair to conscript Jack into any talk with Steve after he had confronted both Rachel and Frank on his own. Which reminded her – "How did things go today?"

"Better than I expected," he said, explaining Frank's response. "And I ended up telling Rachel about what happened to me." He shrugged when Gabrielle questioned if that was such a great idea. "It was the only way she was going to get closure, to understand what was going through my head at the time – and I treated her like shit, I owed her closure. She took it well. I think she got that I'm not an easy person to date. I would have made her even more miserable than I did avoiding her," he added, laughing ruefully. "Actually, she misses working in the ward. She misses you too, ironically enough. She wanted to know if you needed temp."

"What did you say?"

"I said it was up to you. I know I don't like being in the same room as Steve so I'm not about to try and make you do the same thing just 'cos I feel like I owe her one."

"Maybe I'm more mature than you," she teased.

"Maybe."

" Honestly, I miss her too. It was nice having a nurse around my own age who wasn't busy being disgustingly in love all the time," she said. "I was furious with you when she left 'cos of you."

"Yeah? Looks like you've forgiven me," he teased, smiling, his eyes sparkling. God, but there was nothing like watching his face light up like that and it gave her a thrill to know she could make him do that. "You think you can handle it, get her in for a shift or two. If you can't, I don't think she'll hold it against you."

"I'll talk to her then," she decided. She cuddled up closer to him. Things had gone better than they had both expected.

"I was thinking, we should go on a date," Jack said after a few minutes of companionable silence.

She had to laugh at that. "We've spent the last two nights in a row together, I think it's a bit too late for a first date."

"It's never too late," he said indignantly. "I want to date you, Gabs. I don't want it to be just about sex."

She was speechless at that. From what he had said last night – friendship, loyalty, fidelity. He'd never said anything about dating. She hadn't realised he was that serious, and it gave her a thrill. "OK," she agreed, suddenly feeling as shy as he had been when she'd been sixteen and Steve had first asked her out. "You got anything in mind?"

"A few things," he said. He knew that despite living here for over a year now, she'd barely seen Sydney. "I'll surprise you."

She liked the sound of that. And so ended their second night together.


	3. Chapter 3

"This is delicious, Mr. Jaeger," Rebecca Rowe said with impeccable manners. Jack was waiting for the other shoe to drop. She wasn't the most tactful of people in the world. In fact, she reminded him a lot of himself when he had been twenty-one, when the word _arrogant_ didn't begin to define it. So it had been with great reluctance when Gabrielle suggested they invite her over for dinner when her father and brother told her they were coming to Sydney for the weekend to see her that Jack agreed. At this point, he and Gabrielle had only been seeing each other for a few weeks. Once, he had taken Gabrielle for dinner to his step-father's house so he and Rebecca could meet her properly; Rebecca already having had met the older woman in passing several times. It had gone well, especially since he didn't get along too well with his step-father. And now Gabrielle's father and brother were up in Sydney to properly meet him.

It was a strange situation. They had only been seeing each other for a few weeks, but in those weeks things had been very full-on. They saw each other every chance they got. Because they had been sleeping together from the word go, it gave their relationship an immediate intimacy that took a little getting used to. Coupled with the fact that no-one at the hospital knew they were together other than Rachel and Frank – not even Dan or Steve – made for a relationship that was just in its infancy on some levels and full-blown on others.

So here they were, having dinner together. And Rebecca was on her best behaviour. It helped that Ben was just a little bit infatuated with her. Jack could kind of see why. If _he_ were nineteen and suddenly presented with a gorgeous, sophisticated twenty-one-year-old, he might be infatuated too. Sibling thing aside, of course.

"Thankyou, it's nice to be appreciated," Russel said.

"You're nicer than Ned," Rebecca commented.

"Who's Ned?" Russel asked.

"My dad," Jack supplied, shooting Rebecca a warning look that she chose to ignore. "I don't get along with him that well."

"Yeah, 'cos he hit on me," Rebecca said indignantly.

Jack cringed and sent Rebecca a filthy look. That was precisely the reason he had been stalling on introducing Gabrielle to his dad and brothers; none were the kind of men big on respecting a woman's personal space... and being the half-sister of their son/brother hadn't afforded Rebecca any favours, so Jack doubted being the girlfriend of said son/brother would do, either.

"You're kidding," Ben said incredulously, too sheltered to really think men like Ned Quade existed.

"Nope." Rebecca made a face. "And he's like, _old_." Jack had to suppress a smile at that, both at the fact it was what Rebecca found most traumatic – if Ned had been young and good-looking, the fact that he was Jack's father wouldn't have mattered nearly as much – and that it was true. He hadn't been young when Jack had been born, and coupled with the age difference between Jack and Rebecca made Ned old enough to be her grandfather. A young grandfather, but a grandfather nonetheless.

"You can't seriously have been so traumatised that you still carry on about it two years later," he complained.

"No... I remember that you really had a go at him about it, and I thought that was sweet." She faced the table. "I'd only known Jack for about six months at that point and I thought it was really sweet that he'd call his dad on shit behaviour over a sister he'd known for six months."

_That_ impressed Russel. He clearly had a lot of loyalty towards Rebecca, and in Russel's opinion, you could tell the merit of a man by the way he treated his female relatives. God knew, Steve didn't get along with any of his siblings.

Jack flashed Rebecca a grateful smile. She flashed one back as if to say _and you thought I would ruin it for you_.

"That's for understanding you shouldn't stay," Gabrielle said when she saw Jack and Rebecca to his car – well, Jack really, since Rebecca bolted to the car and strapped herself into the passenger's seat, studiously ignoring the new lovers. She liked Gabrielle, but she knew what Jack could be like when he was infatuated...

"Your dad isn't the first man I've met who won't let go of the idea that his little girl is a virgin until she's married with kids," Jack said with a smile. "I get it."

"And he likes Rebecca. I never knew she was such a sweetheart. Was that bit about your dad true?"

Jack had to laugh at that. "It was true, but that wasn't the reason she was a sweetheart. She likes you more than she liked Deanna."

Gabrielle had to laugh at that. She had heard plenty about her predecessor – both as NUM and Jack's girlfriend. "I'll take that as a compliment." Not that it sounded hard. From what she had heard of the woman, being more likeable than Deanna was about as difficult as graduating first grade. "Look, dad and Ben go back on Tuesday. Why don't you come over then? I'll make it up to you."

* * *

Jack padded barefoot through the house to the front door. If it was a salesperson, he was going to give them a piece of him mind. He wanted to be left alone to get drunk, thankyouverymuch. He had been expecting to see Gabrielle tonight, but she had bailed on him yesterday, explaining that Steve had a friends-and-loved-ones meeting that he wanted her to go to with him, to understand more what it was like to be an alcoholic, and since he didn't usually like being around people after his counselling session, she didn't see the problem in postponing their night together until Wednesday. (Which was actually Sunday, given the way his roster went. Since Frank had insisted on telling Charlotte, who was responsible for the rosters, you would think Charlotte would give him as many shifts close to Gabrielle's business hours as she could manage. What was Steve doing with Friday night off, anyway? It wasn't like he was about to hit the bars.)

And besides, as the months and sessions went on, he found himself feeling a little better each week after them. And he had been looking forward to spending the night with Gabrielle. Instead, she was spending the evening with Steve and his stupid AA.

Jack took a spiteful delight in getting drunk, knowing it was a luxury Steve couldn't afford anymore.

So he was grumpy when there was a knock on the door. Dan knew to leave him alone on Tuesdays, so he always spent the night with Erica. And the only person who might be dropping by was Rebecca, who had some inane medical soap that she liked to watch on Tuesdays. That suited Jack find, because he had never told his sister about what had happened to him (she felt bad enough as it was that she had grown up with two parents who loved her while he'd had a father who had taken him in under obligation and a step-mother who had hated him) and had never felt inclined to deal with her never-ending energy when he'd already had to deal with an emotionally draining counselling session.

So here he was, alone, when he really wanted to be with his girlfriend, and no he had to deal with someone knocking on his door at – he checked his watch. It was only seven. Bloody hell, time was crawling by. He opened the door, ready to give the person on the other side an earful.

It was Rachel.

"Hi," she said nervously. "I heard you and Gabrielle talking yesterday about her seeing Steve today and you were grumpy for the rest of the day so I thought maybe you could deal with some company."

"I'm fine," he said sullenly. That Rachel had bothered to show up over something she had overheard while Gabrielle was spending the evening with Steve just seemed to make thing suckier.

"You're not." She shoved the door open before he could shut it completely. He scowled at that. He forgot sometimes that nurses often had beguiling strength. He had no choice but to let her in, unless he wanted to get into a physical fight with a woman who appeared to be a lot weaker than him from street view. "You want to see a movie or something?" she asked. "You look like you could do with the company."

"Thanks, Rachel, but I doubt you're interested in the same movies as me." He had meant to sound scathing but his tone dropped. He had too much heart to be bitchy.

"Try me."

"OK, there's an International movie festival showing at the Colosseum. There's a movie I saw a few years ago that I've been wanting to see again on the big screen, _The Last Kiss_."

"Oooh, I loved that movie. With Zack Braff and Rachel Bilson?"

Jack made a face. "I don't know those names, but I bet it's the American remake. I meant the Italian version."

"I didn't even know there _was_ an Italian version," Rachel admitted.

"That's why I said I doubted you were interested."

"No, I'm interested," she said. She was already here and it sounded interesting. And Jack looked like he could do with the company – she wasn't Gabrielle, but she had to be an improvement on sitting at home, drinking alone and feeling sorry for himself.

... "I think I get you a little more now," Rachel said after the movie was finished. She was driving them back to Jack's place. He had insisted that she drop by the bottleshop for more beer. She didn't think that was a good idea, but he seemed pretty determined and besides, he had proved to be great company, very knowledgeable and scintillating. No wonder he made Gabrielle happy. And knowing he made Gabrielle happy gave her an odd sense of calm. She could see that despite being a very interesting, sociable person, he was stressed. Loving someone like that couldn't be easy, and she knew she couldn't do it. Something told her they would be much better friends, where she would be on the edge of his damaged phsycie, then they would have been as a couple.

She wished she had realised that several months ago, but, _c'est la vie_.

"How do you mean?" he asked.

"People say you're an intellectual snob. That's what I thought too when you sniffed at – _the American remake_." She actually did a decent job of mimicking the disdain that had been in his voice, and he laughed at her. "But I sort of see why you prefer the Italian movie. It was – " she struggled to find the right words.

"Sexier? Sharper? Smarter?" Jack offered.

"All of the above. Kind of like comparing you and Steve."

"That's the warpedest compliment I've received in some time," he said dryly. "In fact, I'm not sure it _was_ a compliment. I don't like being compared to Steve."

"I've noticed. Look, you shouldn't take it so personally. She's crazy about you. I can't believe no-one's picked up on it."

"Really?" sounded dubious.

"Yeah, really. I watch you two together – it's so obvious that you care about each other. I know I have inside information and all, but you'd think someone else would have worked it out just by looking at you. She doesn't have that with Steve. She never did. I remember watching them last year, when they were still together. There was no connection there. I got the feeling she didn't quite trust him."

Hearing her say that pleased him. "I'm surprised you seem so calm about it," he commented.

Rachel shrugged. "So am I, sometimes. But the more I know about you, the more I know that I couldn't handle being with someone so –" she fumbled, realising she had chosen e wrong brace of words.

"Damaged?" Jack offered.

"In need of healing," Rachel amended. "She's stronger than me. I couldn't deal with you like this week after week, I don't care _how_ good you are in bed."

It was so audacious that he had to laugh at that. And it was good she could joke about it, it meant she couldn't be _that_ cut up about it. "I'm sorry for what happened," he said.

"I know you are."

When she dropped him home, Dan was there. "Where were you?" he asked, sounding like a concerned parent. "I came home and you were gone." He took note of Rachel, and got even more confused.

"We went to see a movie," Jack said, a little belligerently because he had had a good time and Dan was being a downer.

"You don't watch movies," Dan said.

"No... I don't watch stupid American action movies," Jack shot back. "I watch proper movies with decent writers and actors." It was a swipe at Dan's somewhat lowbrow taste in entertainment, and they all knew it.

"I think I should get going," Rachel volunteered, eager to let the two men hash it out if that's what they needed. Really, Jack was a grown man, and Dan was behaving like a concerned parent. Then she remembered that Dan had put up with Jack's behaviour as he dealt – often badly – with his abuse, more than anyone, more even than Gabrielle. She wondered what Jack had put him through, and found herself thinking once more that she was glad nothing further had happened between them than a one-nighter.

"I'll walk you out," Jack volunteered. "Sorry, he's usually more laid back," he apologised for Dan's alarm. "I put him through a fair amount of shit. You, uh, weren't exactly the only woman and I'm sure he's jumped to the wrong conclusion now that he knows I was out with you." Rachel made a face. The last thing she needed was for people to think something was going on between them. "Don't worry, I'll set him straight." And he said goodbye to her and went back into the house, oddly amused by the idea of him and Rachel together.

His amusement faded when he got into the house and saw Dan on the phone. He glowered. "I'll talk to you later," he said quickly. "Love you. Bye."

"Couldn't wait five minutes to start gossiping?" Jack asked sarcastically.

"I was talking to Ricki," Dan said. "What the hell was that about?"

"What was what about? It was a freaking _movie_, dad," Jack snapped.

"With Rachel? Jack, what is up with you? You've been secretive ever since the bomb at the hospital. You're never here. I'm worried about you. I've seen how you deal with stress."

"Dan, I'm fine. And I'd be much better if you weren't nagging me."

"Sorry for caring," Dan said sarcastically. "Look, just tell me you're not screwing Rachel over again. She's a sweet girl and she doesn't deserve – "

Jack burst out laughing at that. "Me and _Rachel_?" he asked. "No offense to her, she's a sweet kid, but... God, no. She just came over 'cos she thought I could do with some cheering up after my counselling session." _Which was better than Gabrielle could do_, he thought, trying not to still feel a little bitter about it.

* * *

It didn't take Gabrielle long to hear the news that Jack and Rachel had gone out the night before, except by the time she heard it, an innocent trip to the movies had turned into a steamy night in his bed. Gabrielle knew it wasn't true – at least, not the bit about a steamy night in his bed. But she was still incredibly annoyed over it. Jack had said he didn't want her to see him after his counselling session, then made a big deal that she had agreed to do something to support Steve _on the same night Jack insisted he didn't want to see her_. He couldn't just change his mind as he saw fit.

Rachel had been quick to apologise and tell Gabrielle what happened. "He just needed some company, that's all," she said. "I was worried he'd drink himself into a stupor, he seemed pretty pissed off."

"He's the one who didn't want to see me on Tuesdays," Gabrielle pointed out.

"I know... but he's not exactly in the healthiest frame of mind right now. I can't imagine how badly it hits him when he gets down."

Something told Gabrielle that Rachel wasn't telling her everything that she had gleaned from Jack, and it came as a surprising kick in the guts. She knew she should be happy that Jack had found someone to talk to if he really was in that kind of destructive mindset, but – why did it have to be _Rachel_ of all people? For the first time since she and Jack had gotten together, she found herself feeling a little jealous, and she didn't like it.

"You can't possibly be jealous," Rachel said, tapping into Gabrielle's thoughts. Gabrielle had momentarily forgotten that part of the reason she had valued Rachel so much was her insight into the way people thought. "Nothing happened, there's nothing between us. There never was," she added ruefully. "It took me seeing you guys together to realise that."

"I think you need to get back to work," Gabrielle snapped, uncharacteristically short with Rachel. That Rachel seemed more aware of what she and Jack were thinking, right down to her feelings of jealousy, only made her mood worse.

Jack wasn't in that day, and she was cool towards him the next day at work. "I do anything wrong?" he finally asked, as casually as he could manage, when he had had enough of her being cool towards him. What did _she_ have to be cool over? _She_ was the one who had bailed on him to go and be with Steve.

"Not at all," she said frostily.

"Oh, come _on_, Gabs, I don't have time for this. If I've done something, spit it out. Is it about Rachel?" Thanks to Dan and Erica, most of the hospital knew they had been out together the night before last. Jack was seriously thinking about moving out. Living with someone he worked with, having his private life on display for a colleague, had been an issue from the word go and become worse in the last year. Jack was fond of Dan, but the nurse did his head in at times. He felt for Rachel more than anything. He knew her reputation had taken a battering when it had become public knowledge that she had become his latest conquest. He had largely scotched the rumours by telling anyone who would listen (and several people who wouldn't) that she had been returning something that Erica had loaned her and come across him in a bad mood and in the mood for company (not true) and that all it had been was a movie (true). Rachel had taken it with good grace, realising that it was something that came with the territory after first sleeping with Jack and then forming a friendship of sorts with him. In Jack's mind, she had far more right to be upset than Gabrielle.

"I don't know _why_ I would be upset that half the hospital seems to be convinced that my _boyfriend_ spent the night with a former flame," Gabrielle said sarcastically.

Jack's eyes flashed. She was on dangerous turf, accusing him of cheating on her. It was guaranteed to get his defences up in record speed. "Didn't know I had a girlfriend," he replied, just as sarcastically. "She won't go public, hell, she won't even tell her ex that she's seeing someone else."

"He's not ready for that kind of blow yet!

"Yeah, I noticed that. Still needs you to hold his hand. Enough to break a date with me."

"You told me you don't want to see me after your conselling sessions!" More than anything, it hurt that Rachel had somehow managed to stumble on the fact that Jack was ready – even eager – to have company after his gruelling sessions after weeks – and that had only been in the time they had been dating, months if you counted since he first started the counselling – on the same night that she turned him down, not realising that was the first time in months he had actually wanted company. Why oh why couldn't it have been last week? Or next week? And why did it have to have been Rachel, of all people? Cate or Charlotte or Rebecca and she would have handed him over with her blessing. But Rachel... she knew in her head that there was nothing going on, that there had _never_ been anything going on, but she still found herself a little jealous at sharing Jack with someone he had gone to bed with.

Jack sighed and groped behind him for a chair. He didn't want to fight with her. Fighting with her upset him, more upset than he could remember being in a while. Oh, sure, when Patrick had re-entered his life he had been angry, felt dirty... but he only ever got upset when he lost something – or someone – that he cared about. Usually a some_one_. Actually, some to think about it, he couldn't remember feeling this upset since Terri and Lucy had left. Christ, he had to be crazy about this girl if he hadn't been this upset over fighting with her in, what, three years?

Surprising that he had to think about how long it had been now since he had seen Terri. And Lucy.

"Rachel said something which put words to something I'd been feeling for a while... I know I'm damaged. Don't argue with me, OK," he directed her when she looked ready to interrupt. "I can't stand those bullshit platitudes about how it really wasn't that bad and that I'll get over it. I _won't_, at least not for a long time, if ever. Most people treat cockroaches kinder than he treated me for two years. I've always felt damaged and dirty. But these last few months I've felt a little better every day, even when it hurt so much to deal with it... and when I'm with you, I feel something close to clean and whole."

She hadn't realised she meant that much to him. She suddenly felt mean and petty and small to have felt so jealous. "Jack..."

"I'm not good at sharing, especially not with exes," he admitted. "I want you all to myself. I want to know you're mine. I want the _world_ to know you're mine."

"Jack... why don't you come over tonight? I can prove to you that I'm yours."

* * *

Jack bit down hard on his lip, but that didn't stop him from crying out from the exquisite pleasure. He was lying on her bed, on his back, naked, and when he recovered he wouldn't want to know where she learnt a blow job like that. He clenched his fists, fighting some primeval male instinct to put his hands on the back of her head and thrust hard. He came with a scream and lay afterwards shaking.

She pulled away and went to the bathroom to rinse her mouth. He could smell the Listerine the second she entered the door. He had to smile at that. He had never mentioned he couldn't stand the taste, made him throw up, she had known on her own. God, he loved her. No-one had ever known him like she did.

She curled up in his arms and he wrapped her up tightly, wishing there was some way he could get closer to her. Having her naked body pressed tightly against his wasn't enough sometimes.

"I was thinking I should move in," he blurted out after they lay together for a while.

"What?" she murmured, stirring. There was something very therapeutic about listening to Jack's heart pound while his body worked to redirect the flow of blood. Today he was particularly still. It hadn't taken her long to learn that the stiller he was, the more at ease he was, and the more at ease he was, the greater a compliment it was to her and how he felt about her.

"I was thinking I should move in," he repeated.

"No, I heard you," she said. "Where did that come from?"

"Dan's really shitting me lately. He can't help but talk about me, it's the kind of guy that he is. It didn't used to bother me, or rather, I could deal with it... but lately I've really been resenting his nosiness and it's affecting our friendship. And with him and Ricki getting engaged and Luke living there – I don't feel welcome in my own home. And it would be much easier to keep our relationship a secret if I was actually living with you."

Her heart fell. So he wanted to move in out of practicality. Her heart had leapt when he had first said it, not knowing that she herself had been thinking the same thing - except how wonderful it would be to have him around all the time. Between their often-mismatching schedules, they didn't see each other as often as they would like, but if Jack was living with her, at least they would have most of their nights together, even if it was just him coming in at three in the morning and curling up next to her.

But no, he just wanted to move in because he was pissed off at Dan.

She turned away from him, her heart full of hurt. "Hey, that wasn't exactly the reaction I was hoping for," he said.

"Well, what do you expect? You tell me you want to move in with me because it's _practical_?"

He stared at her for a second. "You goose, you really think I want to move in just because it's practical? I want to move in because I don't see you as much as I would like. I want to move in because I don't care if get back after you're asleep, I want to fall asleep next to you. I want to move in because I love you."

"You what?" she asked in a whisper. She couldn't remember the last time Steve had said he loved her when he was sober.

"I love you. I want to live with you so I can be with you all the time. Bloody hell, Gabs, how many women do you think I've said this to?"

_Not many_, she thought, on a rush at the thought. How many people had he loved in his life – and how many of _those_ had he loved romantically? There was Rebecca, of course, Charlotte, Cate, maybe Dan, maybe Travis, but none of those had been romantic... she paused for a second when she thought of Terri Sullivan. She _knew_ Jack had loved her. Everyone said so. He had even said so.

She tossed her head back defiantly. Terri Sullivan was long gone. Everyone said so. "I'd love for you to move in with me."

* * *

"Can't say I'm exactly sorry," Dan admitted to Erica. "I love the guy like I do Luke, but... bloody hell, he was a Nazi about his privacy."

"You mean he didn't like it when you gossiped about his private life?" Erica teased. Dan was a known gossip; Jack was deeply private. It was bound to happen that, no matter how well the two men got alone, there were going to be clashes. "I think he'll be happy with her. She's got a strong personality. No offense, but if anyone knows how to handle him, it will be her."

* * *

"Hi, my name's Gabrielle Jaeger, there seems to be a problem with my phone bill," Gabrielle complained. She disliked Telstra heartily, but as a country girl, she couldn't see herself going anywhere else. It didn't matter that there were plenty alternatives when you lived in Sydney; she couldn't shake the belief that if you wanted a working line, you had to go with Telstra.

Dan immediately looked sheepish when he overheard Gabrielle's opening line. He had meant to warn Jack to warn Gabrielle about the ISD calls, and he had meant to warn Gabrielle himself that Jack was known for ringing up the bills making international calls. But in the flurry of activities for the wedding, he had forgotten to do both. "Gabrielle!" he called.

She placed her hand over the receiver. "I'm on the phone," she hissed.

"I know. It's about the phone bill, isn't it?" he asked. Jack had fessed straight up to the calls being his, and paid every month without delay, which was part of the reason Dan had forgotten to say anything; there had never been any aggro. Gabrielle nodded, bewildered. What would Dan know about her weird phone bill? She hardly called anyone, save her family, and she knew that number by heart, so a bunch of numbers from an area outside Australia were clearly _not_ hers. "Does the number start with forty-four?" Dan asked. Gabrielle checked her bill. They did too. All she had done was look at the strange numbers and the prices, and figured Telstra was in the wrong. "They're Jack's," Dan said.

"U... I'm sorry, I seem to have made a mistake," Gabrielle said, and hung up before the guy could berate her. She stared at Dan. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"Forty-four is the international dialling code for Scotland," Dan explained. "Jack calls there all the time. He has a better grasp of when is a good time to call Lucy than Lucy does of when is a good time to call him, so he calls her. He and Terri have this arrangement that they split the bill – or maybe she just squares him with honest-to-goodness Scottish Scotch – " (God, but Dan was going to miss that stuff, especially now that he could drink again – he had put in an order for twenty bottles as a wedding gift from Jack) " – I don't know, but he'll pay for it. I meant to explain, sorry. I was so used to Jack squaring the bill that I forgot."

"Ah, OK. Problem solved." Gabrielle pretended that it didn't matter. After all, she and Jack were still keeping things quiet. She couldn't really react badly that the man most people thought was just her housemate was regularly calling his ex-girlfriend in Scotland.

But inwardly, she was deeply hurt.

"Why didn't you tell me you were calling her?" Gabrielle demanded to know when she and Jack were home alone together.

Jack shrugged. "You knew we were still friends and besides, I have to call at such odd times that you were never around that I needed to explain. It doesn't mean anything."

"Like hell it doesn't mean anything!" she raged. "Is it true that you proposed to her?"

Jack fidgeted. He'd almost forgotten that embarrassing little incident when he'd stooped to desperate measures to make Terri stay with him. Thankgod she had called it the impulsive reaction that he did; he could find himself stuck with here. They made much better friends than lovers, he had long since decided. "I did," he admitted, because it was so deeply embedded in hospital folklore that he couldn't really deny it. "But it didn't mean anything." He realising telling a woman that 'it didn't mean anything' to propose to another woman wasn't the best of moves. "I meant... look, I was twenty-four at the time. I was young enough to think she was the love of my life and stupid enough to think dogged pursued could win her over. Did I mention I was young and dumb? Please, Gabrielle," he added, reaching desperately for her hand. He only ever called her Gabrielle when he was distressed. "She's just a mate now. I'd keep in contact with Cate or Char the same way I do with her... and you're not jealous of _them_, are you?"

"No," she admitted. Damn, why did Jack make so bloody good sense? Her head got it, but her heart... it was hard to get over that your boyfriend was still in regular contact with a woman a lot of people thought of as the love of his life... a woman he shared no mutual friends, no family, no kids with... a woman who had a step-child that Jack adored... not to mention Terri's reputation as a nurse. It was hard to compete with her, both as nurse and girlfriend. "But that was a nasty thing, Jack. I had a right to know you were calling your ex – before you even moved in, not to mention as the mortgage-owner I have a right to know if you're making calls to _Scotland_."

"I'm sorry," he said, glad that that seemed to be the end of the argument. "It's just... hard, setting boundaries and figuring out what you need to know," he admitted. That was true enough. He should have told Gabrielle about Terri, but the whole foundation that their relationship was based on was weird. It was hard to know where you stood with exes when it seemed you were both constantly haunted by the ghosts of exes past. "For what it's worth... I thought I loved her at the time. But I didn't. I was this dumb kid and... what I have with you pales in comparison."

She beamed. She liked the sound of that.

* * *

"Jack's having a birthday party three Saturdays from now, would you like to come?" Gabrielle asked Dan.

Dan had to laugh at that. "Let me guess, he told you, 'a few friends from Canberra' are coming?" he asked. Gabrielle nodded. "I swear Jack knows everyone who went to AUMEL between 'ninety-seven and two thousand, and Rebecca knows everyone from oh-six on. They could create their own MENSA group between them, given they must know half the best academics of the last decade between them."

Gabrielle didn't get it. She knew Jack had gone to the Australian University of Medicine, Engineering and Law, knew Rebecca went there now as a law student, but what was this to do with his party? "He seems to know everyone, and everyone knows him," Dan explained. "I think I was fortunate enough that a lot of them are gamers so I get along OK, but... I dunno, pad it out with as many normal people as you can," Dan advised.

Gabrielle took his advise and invited as many 'normal people' as she could think of.

* * *

"Hang on, I'm coming!" Gabrielle yelled to whoever was at the door. She and Jack were getting ready for their three-month anniversary. He was taking her out to a show _Evita_ and she was looking forward to it. The closest to a stage musical that Steve had ever taken her to was when one of his sister's had been in a school production of _A Christmas Carol_. She had even bought a new dress for the occasion. Dark green – it was more low-cut than she would have liked, but Jack assured her it suited her colouring and made her look more gorgeous than ever – with a diamante earring-and-necklace set that Jack had bought her for the occasion. She was glad they were only diamante, because as it was, the setting was so classy that she knew it must still have cost him a bit.

"Gabrielle," Steve breathed, taking her within an inch of her life. She looked... stunning. She looked gorgeous in that dress and she had a glow about her. Was this the same girl he had been stupid enough to walk out on? "I bought tickets to an ice-hockey show," he said. "I thought you might like to come, seeing's you missed out last time."

"Thanks Steve, but - " Gabrielle started to say before Jack cut in, walking towards the door to address Gabrielle.

"Babe, I'll be off the phone in a minute. My sister doesn't seem to understand the importance of 'three-month anniversary'," Jack called over the receiver. He ran into Steve in his walk to the front door, and his face fell almost as much as Steve's. "Oh, crap," he said. "Look, I'll, uh, give you a minute?" he offered, and with Gabrielle's nod, he shot off to his bedroom.

"Three months?" Steve asked disbelievingly. "You've been with him for _three months_?"

"Steve, I meant to tell you – " she started.

"Damn right you did. So, what, have the two of you been laughing at me this whole time? That Steve is such a dumbass he can't work out his ex is seeing a colleague?"

"No, of course not. I just didn't want to break it to you when you weren't ready."

"Like I'm some fucking china doll?" Steve asked. Gabrielle realised Jack had been right. The longer things went on, the more likely it would be that Steve found out in less-than-ideal circumstances. Like showing up with tickets to ice hockey while she was getting ready for their three-month anniversary. "I thought I expected better from you." And he turned to go.

She started to go after him but Jack caught her arm. "It's our anniversary," he said quietly. Gabrielle didn't try to resist. Jack was right. She couldn't spoil something they had both been looking forward to over Steve.

"You were right," she murmured later in bed together after a marathon session.

"Right about what?" he asked.

"About telling Steve. I should have broken it to him when we first got together. It was _never_ going to be a good time, he would never have been OK with it – but I owed it to him to tell him upfront. I just hope he's OK."

"If he's not, you can't hold yourself responsible," Jack told her gently. "He's always going to take blows in his life. We all do. This is me you're talking to, remember? I don't exactly have a track record for taking blows with dignity and control. But we all make choices, and he knows what his limits are. You can't be responsible for his actions. You never were."

"I was thinking," Gabrielle said. "Now that Steve knows, there isn't much point in us keeping it from everyone else. I was thinking that your birthday would be a good time to out ourselves."

He kissed her. "I think that's a great idea."

As it was, Steve took it rather well. He got in his head that Gabrielle had every right to move on, and in all fairness, she had been very happy these last few months. Maybe there was something about Quade that he didn't know. Maybe he was a decent bloke after all.

* * *

Everyone was abuzz about Jack's birthday. Once it got out that there would be a lot of AUMEL students and alumni there, it became the hottest invitation in the medical community. That, and a woman like Rebecca had to know heaps of gorgeous lawyer women. At one point, Bart offered him a bribe for an invite. The desperation had amused him so much that he had invited the guy anyway – minus the cash.

The problem was, what to get him. Jack was a difficult man to buy for. Not many people knew him well enough to know what he liked sentimentally, and the bits and pieces that he wanted, he bought for himself as they came up. Dan had bragged endlessly about how he had managed to locate a first-edition copy of _War and Peace_. It would be difficult to top that.

"I have the_ best_ birthday present for Jack, and it didn't cost me a penny," Charlotte bragged.

Gabrielle raised her eyebrows at that. "I think you'll be surprised, I have something special in mind," she said. On top of their outing, she had found a gorgeous man's bracelet. She remembered Jack telling her, with some bitterness, that his father and step-mother had devoted so much more attention to his two older half-brothers, including expensive watches on their eighteen birthdays. He had his own watch now – one of the things he had bought for himself as the desire had come up – but she had thought a bracelet would be nice. She figured she had Dan and Charlotte both topped.

"No... my present's _really_ special," Charlotte said, and Gabrielle had to wonder. They were close, had been for several years, maybe there was something she didn't know about Jack that Charlotte did?

Jack's birthday arrived, and the house was packed with people from all walks of life – the lawyers and doctors Jack and Rebecca knew, a fair chunk of the hospital staff, friends Jack had accumulated along the way. Gabrielle was looking forward to telling everyone. They had agreed at the moment that he opened presents.

The doorbell rang. Gabrielle answered it. It was Charlotte. "Hi, sorry I'm late, my present took longer getting ready than I expected," she apologised.

"No worries," Gabrielle said. "Just put it next to the wall with the rest of them."

Charlotte grinned smugly. "My present is _far_ too special to be put against a wall," she said. "Can you get Jack for me, please? I kind of want him to see it for himself before anyone else does."

A little miffed, Gabrielle nonetheless went and got Jack. He hugged the older woman and kissed her on the cheek. "What is it that couldn't wait?" he asked her.

A little girl dashed out of Charlotte's car and through the door, unable to keep her excitement in anymore. She wrapped her arms around his legs. "Daddyjack!" Lucy Stevens-Sullivan yelled happily.

Her step-mother, Terri Sullivan came behind her, looking a bit guilty that Lucy had ruined the surprise. "Hi, Jack," she said. "Happy birthday."


	4. Chapter 4

Lucy, now seven-and-a-half, raised her arms in the air in an _up_ motion. Jack knelt, wrapped his arms around the little girl's waist and hoisted her onto his hip as if he had been doing it all her life instead of not having seen her for the better part of four years. "I told you he could still lift me!" she said delightedly to Terri. "Can I call Paul?"

"Lucy, you are not calling Paul just to gloat," Terri said, trying to sound stern. It was hard when Lucy was obviously delighted to be back in Jack's arms. They had taken to each other immediately in the last day's of Terri's relationship with Jack before she had left for Scotland, and when Terri decided that it was time to go back to Australia, all Lucy had asked was when they were going to see Daddyjack. When Terri had found out from Charlotte that Jack was having a big birthday party, it had seemed like the perfect surprise – and her, the perfect present.

"I don't get it, who's Paul?" Jack asked.

"Paul would be a man I was dating before Lucy scared him off," Terri said, a light note in her voice. She couldn't really hold Lucy's stubborn dislike of any many she dated against her. Jack had been devoted to her, far more devoted than Terri could have asked any man, let alone one that she had jerked around romantically, and so far, all the men that Terri had dated had failed to measure up.

Looking at them now, Terri instantly realised why. Jack had a natural knack for kids – Charlotte said he was just as devoted to Zach as he would have been their own little girl, and was a much better father-figure than Spence ever would be – that no other man in her life could compete with – not even Mitch, she thought suddenly, because although Mitch had been devoted to Lucy, he hadn't been devoted to every child who came into his life the way Jack was.

Jack looked at Lucy with that look he gave her that was part-serious adult, part watered down so she would understand, and asked, "You wouldn't do that, would you?"

"Actually, she did it to every man I dated," Terri admitted after Lucy buried her head in his shoulder rather than admit the truth."I actually thought you were behind it, she was so effective at it, then I realised she used the exact same m.o. every time; no-one was as young or smart of kind as her DaddyJack. I guess they all figured I wasn't worth pursuing enough to go through her," she added with a laugh. Strange how things she had wanted to smack Lucy for more than once were now just things to laugh over. She tried to remember if Jack's eyes had always sparkled like that. Or if he had always been that fit and muscular. She remembered how deceptively well-built he was under those long-sleeved shirts he liked, and the way he had hoisted up a twenty-five kilogram Lucy like he was lifting a book, the way he had her balanced on his hip as if she were nothing more than a bag of shopping... Despite herself, she remembered the way he had been able to lift her over his shoulder. She had resented it at the time but somehow now it seemed a whole lot sexier.

"Lucy, that's naughty," Jack told the little girl in a tone that suggested he was actually a little pleased with her. It was nice to inspire that kind if loyalty in a female, even if she _was_ only seven. "Sorry," he said apologetically to Terri.

"I got over it," Terri said dryly. "Anyway, happy birthday," she said, handing him an exquisitely gift-wrapped present. "I thought I would give it to your personally."

At that exact moment, Dan drifted over. "Is that what I think it is?" he asked hopefully.

"No," Terri and Jack said in unison. Jack had confided in Terri that it was a good thing he had moved out before Dan had been cured of Hep C, or else his supply of Scottish Scotch would be under threat again. "It's so good to see you," he said, hugging her as best he could with a bottle in one hand and his other arm supporting Lucy. "How long are you here for?" he asked.

"For good," Terri said. "I got my old job back and everything. Well, not my _old_ job – actually, Frank seems quite taken with that friend of yours, said she wasn't bad, which from Frank, is high praise," she joked, remembering how difficult it was to get anything resembling a compliment out of Frank Campion. "I'll just be a boring old RN, with the shiftwork to prove it."

Gabrielle, on the fringe of the conversation – it seemed like Terri, Charlotte and Jack, with Lucy on his hip, had formed a huddle and shut her out – listened in horror. Frank had hired _Terri Sullivan_. Terri Sullivan, who had once been the NUM, who had once been Dan and Von's boss, who was still good friends with Charlotte – Terri Sullivan, in _her_ ward, on _her_ staff?

Jack seemed to just remember that she was standing there. "Gabrielle," he said, waving awkwardly in her direction, given he didn't have use of either hand. "This is Terri. You're, uh, newest employee, I guess." Jack seemed completely unfazed by the idea that his ex-girlfriend would currently be working for his current girlfriend. But then, maybe he was too excited to see them both to have thought of it. Gabrielle resisted the urge to frown. It was obvious from the way Terri had referred to her as 'that friend of yours' that she wasn't aware she and Jack were more than friends. They were so close that he rang up massive bills calling Scotland, but he hadn't bothered to tell her that he was involved with someone?

Come to think, what was _Frank_ thinking, hiring her? Oh, she got that they went way back, but really – knowing she and Jack were involved, Frank hadn't stopped and thought that maybe getting the former NUM and former flame of Jack's to rejoin the staff was a little bit much? He could have at least _consulted_ her about it. She _was_ supposed to have complete control over her staff, but here Frank was, going over her head and hiring whoever he liked!

She was so focused on her anger that she didn't realise Terri had spoken to her. "You must be my new boss," Terri said sweetly, clearly having no idea that she was Terri's replacement in more ways than one. "You must be one hell of a nurse and manager – that, or you're actually the same age as me and you _must_ tell me your aging secret," she added. It had been intended as a compliment to Gabrielle's obvious youth for a management position, but Gabrielle resented it. She was well aware that she was very young to be in a management position, but she had gotten it because she had done a _lot_ of similar work back home, albeit in a small rural hospital, and besides, it took a strong personality to work with Frank.

"I get that a lot," Gabrielle said airily. "People think I'm forty posing as twenty-five. But I pretty much ran the nursing staff at the hospital I used to work at, largely by default mind you, but I ran it nonetheless, so that gave me a leg up."

"Where was this?" Terri asked, sounding impressed.

"Widgee," Gabrielle supplied.

Terri frowned. She was familiar with most of the hospitals in Sydney and the major towns closest to it, but that name was completely unknown to her. "I'm sorry, I haven't heard of it," she was forced to admit. "Is it not in Sydney?"

Jack had to laugh at that. Terri was more a Sydney girl than he was a Sydney boy, so it didn't surprise him that she hadn't heard of the small town close to the Victorian border. He explained where it was – and that it was a town, not a hospital – and Terri flushed with embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise," she apologised, normally the most tactful of people. Gabrielle just fumed some more. After all, shouldn't Jack have told Terri who she was and where she was from? If _she_ knew about the ex, why didn't the ex know about _her_?

"If it makes you feel better," he said magnanimously, "that as pretty much my reaction with her dad and brother. I thought it was a suburb in Sydney that I hadn't heard of."

He hadn't, he had made an effort to learn where Widgee was and the history of the town, which was impressive given it wasn't exactly something you could Wiki. He had just said it to make Terri feel better for assuming that Widgee was the name of a hospital in Sydney. Gabrielle was hard-pressed to keep the scowl off her face.

The night wore on, and Gabrielle's mood became increasingly miserable. Jack was paying _no_ attention to her, instead, lavishing it on Terri and Lucy. Damnit, he was _her_ boyfriend, not Terri's, and more to the point, they had been meant to make their announcement about being together today. Jack seemed to have entirely forgotten about it.

When Charlotte announced that Zach was waiting for her, Gabrielle was relieved, because it meant that Terri and Lucy would go with her. But Terri waved Charlotte away in that casual way that old close friends do. "I'll catch a taxi home," she said.

So Terri stayed. And Jack was rarely more than a meter away from her the whole night. He had even walked Lucy to the toilet and waited for her because she claimed to be scared of all the strange adults.

_Yeah, right_. Gabrielle had heard all about Rose Carlton. The love triangle between her, Mitch and Terri had been gossip for years, one of those legendary bits of rumour and innuendo mixed in with a little fact that never _quite_ dies, even when two of the three are dead and the third is on the other side of the world. It was the All Saints equivalent of the Joan Crawford scandal with her children; fifty years on, people would _still_ be talking. Rose had been mentally and emotionally unstable, Gabrielle had gathered, and known how to manipulate people through guise and guilt into doing what she wanted. Viciously she thought Lucy was going down the same path. She had clung to Jack all night, treating him like the adored father-figure that he craved to be. In a moment of pettiness, Gabrielle thought it was surprising that Lucy hadn't asked Jack to get back with Terri yet. God knew, Jack was so pleased to have them both back that he may very well have agreed to it. By this point, she was very drunk and very pissed off, and she couldn't say anything, knowing that by this time tomorrow, it would be all over the hospital. She, Terri and Jack would have created their own legendary triangle.

Terri and Lucy were the last to leave. It was early in the morning at that point, and Lucy was sound asleep on the couch, wrapped up in Jack's doona. He picked her up gently and carried her to the taxi, telling Gabrielle that he would only be a minute. He knew Gabrielle was a little upset at him. The elation of seeing Terri and Lucy again and the amount he'd had to drink had fogged his brain and robbed him of his usual sensitivities to Gabrielle's insecurities. He knew _he_ wouldn't like it if Steve showed up without warning and monopolised her for the whole night. He owed her some TLC in return, he knew. But first, he would see Terri out.

"I had a great night," she said, more than a little tipsy herself. Seeing everyone again had been such a rush – Charlotte – Von – even Dan and Cate. It was true what they said, there really was no place like home. Drunkenly, she found herself humming the opening bars to _I Still Call Australia Home_.

Jack grinned when he caught her doing it. "Happy to be back in Sydney?" he asked.

"Yeah," she admitted. "I loved Scotland, but I knew from the moment the plane landed three years ago that it would never be home." She flashed a smile at him, and he was reminded that she had the cutest smile. She was so tiny, so everything she did was cute. He found himself lost in thought for a second; _cute_ didn't seem as sexy as it once had. When you had someone to come home to that could match you in unapologetic honesty, not to mention cleared six feet in heels to his six-four, someone conservative and diplomatic with a Kate Moss physique seemed more cute than sexy.

He hugged her. "Well, it was good to see you again. We need to catch up, just the three of us... or maybe just the two of us," he suggested.

"I'd like that," she said, and she leaned in to kiss him. She had to stand on her tip-toes, and later she realised how much Jack used to accommodate their foot-difference in height by bending into her, something he found he barely needed to do with Gabrielle. Still, he kissed her back, for a little bit at least, and wrapped his arms around her. For a second, she thought that everything would work out and she could make up for all the hurt she had inflicted on him in the past...

For a second, he was reminded of how crazy he had been about her, how hot he had been for her, how devastated he had been when she had broken up with him – both times – how upset he had been when she and Lucy had left and how there had been a time when he would have done anything to get her back. For a second, he was lost in time and when she flicked her tongue into his mouth he found himself kissing her back.

Then reality set it and he remembered that they had broken up more than three years ago and that he was living with someone that he was even crazier about. He pulled away, and wiped his mouth. "Sorry," he said. "I shouldn't've done that. I'm seeing someone," he admitted. Damn, why hadn't he just admitted to that from the get-go? He and Gabrielle had agreed to be exclusive from day one, so why bother to keep that from Terri when they were just friends?

Terri pulled away. He could see in the dark that she was embarrassed. "Sorry," she said. "I wish I had known."

And as he headed back into the house, he wondered _why_ exactly he hadn't told her.

Gabrielle was in a foul mood when he came back into the house. "You done yet?" she asked sarcastically. "Terri and Lucy didn't take up too much of your time?"

He remembered their kiss, and instinct told him not to tell her. Insecurity was hardwired into her brain, no point in goading her and telling her that Terri had kissed him... let alone that for a second, he had kissed her back. "I just wanted to see them out," he said defensively. "What's your problem?"

"My _problem_ is that this was supposed to be our big day... and yet you spent most of it with _another_ female in your lap," Gabrielle declared.

Jack snorted derisively at that. "I never realised your insecurity extended to seven-year-olds," he said.

She riled at that. "I am _not_ insecure," she said through gritted teeth although really, she thought to herself, who could blame her for being insecure? Terri Sullivan was a legend at All Saints, part of the nursing team back in the days when the hospital was owned by the Catholic Church. She had enough of an ally in Frank Campion that Frank had hired her despite knowing that she and Jack were together and that might cause problems. She was still close with Von and Charlotte - a woman Gabrielle considered to be a close friend – and even Dan had been happy to see her. Surely it had occurred to Frank that Terri's presence might undermine her position in the ward? "I just – Jack, today was supposed to be about _us_. How come she doesn't even know we're together? She called me 'that friend of yours'."

Guiltily, Jack remembered that he hadn't even told Terri exactly who he was seeing when he had told her he was seeing someone. Why hadn't he? He shrugged. "I never told her about the women I was seeing." Mainly because he didn't _see_ women, he _slept_ with them, and that wasn't something he wanted to tell Terri about. "Look, I'll tell her the next time I see her, OK?"

He tried to hug her, but she pulled away. She could smell her on him and it made her even angrier. Once they had committed to a day of outing themselves, she had been excited, looking forward to being a public couple like Dan and Erica, and now it was ruined. "I'm not in the mood," she said irritably. "I'm going to bed."

He had a shower and scrubbed his teeth before joining Gabrielle in bed. She moved to the far side. Now that he was a little more sober and a little less defensive, he could understand where she was coming from. He knew the standing Terri held in the All Saints community and that it had been hard for Gabrielle to compete with that even _before_ she and Jack had gotten together. Now she would be seen as Terri's replacement both in her office and in Jack's bed. What Frank had been thinking, hiring her to be Gabrielle's subordinate, Jack didn't know. Sure, they needed the nurses, but moire importantly, they needed nurses who would have a good working relationship with the NUM. As professional as Gabrielle was, surely it had occurred to Frank that having Terri as her subordinate might affect her professionalism? Or that Terri might not take to well to answering to someone fifteen years younger than her? Nelson had been her contemporary, but Gabrielle was only a little older than halfway between Terri and Lucy.

He sighed. For all their terrific chemistry and connection, it seemed like when it came to their exes, they couldn't get it right.

* * *

"Charlotte, do you know if Jack is seeing someone?" Terri asked Charlotte the next day over coffee and swapping stories about their children.

"Not that I know of. He doesn't really date." Let Terri find out through someone else that Jack had spent a big chunk of last year sleeping around. "The best person to ask about that is Gabrielle." Charlotte caught the look on Terri's face. "She didn't make a good impression on you?"

"There's something a little off about her. She didn't seem to like me."

"It can't be easy for her, you have quite a reputation in the hospital _and_ you used to be NUM. Suddenly she's going to be boss to someone who used to have her position and who's ten years older than her." Why Frank hadn't bothered to at least let Gabrielle know _before_ Terri had announced it, Charlotte didn't know. She felt sympathy for the younger woman, remembering all too well how it had felt to have Zoe's promotion dumped on her when Frank had told everyone else.

"Fifteen, you don't have to sugar-coat it," Terri said. "Besides, Jack likes his woman older."

Charlotte smirked at this. "What _is_ it between you?" she asked. "_You_ were the one who left, remember?"

"I know," Terri said. "But there's something about him that's so much more mature and settled about him. I knew that from speaking to him but actually seeing him. And he's not exactly hard on the eye," she added with a coy smile.

Charlotte nodded; she knew exactly what Terri was talking about. "Mostly that's because of Rebecca. He doesn't have contact with his dad and brothers and she really clung to him after Carla died. I think it did him the world of good to have family who's love and respect he wanted."

"I can tell. The way they are together – "

"You'd think they were twins and not half-siblings born seven years apart?" Charlotte offered. Terri nodded. "That's what I mean, having her in his life did him the world of good. Her and Gabby. She has a knack with him. I think she doesn't let him get away with much."

"What's she like? As a nurse and boss, I mean."

"Amazing. You're right, she's very young to be in a management position but she's good at it. She knows how to handle Frank and Von, which are two minor miracles. She's lasted the longest of any NUM under Frank that I know of. Anyway... so what about you and Jack? What makes you think he's seeing someone?" That was _far_ more interesting than an assessment of Gabrielle's professionalism.

Terri told Charlotte about kissing Jack the night before – and that Jack had kissed her back, at least for a second. "You're right, that doesn't sound like him," Charlotte agreed when Terri said she didn't think Jack was the type to do that. "He takes fidelity so seriously." She thought about it for a second. "Don't take this the wrong way, but Jack's got plenty of reason to be gun-shy around you."

"I know." She hadn't realised until much later that Jack had been as serious about her as he had. She had just thought he was having fun and hadn't been serious about her, even when he had proposed. Now she knew he had been deeply in love with her, and that she had hurt him continuously when she had held him at arm's length and when she had dumped him not once but twice, then left the country altogether. And now being presented with this much more settled, mature Jack - she couldn't help but wonder what could have been had he been this same person four years ago, and if she had been more open to the idea of loving and being loved. "You think he made it up to hold me at arm's length?"

"Maybe," Charlotte said. "If he _is_ seeing someone, he's been incredibly discreet about it. Not even Gabrielle's mentioned something, and you'd think she'd be pretty familiar with his comings and goings."

That made sense to Terri. "And God knows, if he wants to hold me at arm's length, I owe him a little pursuing."

* * *

Gabrielle had gone to see her brother and father on Sunday, determined to put some distance between her and Jack. She was still deeply hurt that he hadn't told Terri about them, or that Terri and Lucy's presence had ruined their coming-out. She got home late on Sunday night and Jack had already gone to bed. He didn't start until late on Monday so she had left before he woke up.

Terri was already there. "You don't start until ten," Gabrielle commented. Damn, but she had been looking forward to that hour before having to face Terri again.

"I know, but I wanted to get here early to see some old friends and I thought I may as well start early and give you a hand."

"Thanks," Gabrielle said, not sounding thankful at all. Frank was nowhere to be seen, probably thinking he would give her and Terri time to bond. _Damn him_. She would well and truly give him an earful when she saw him.

"You and Jack are pretty close, aren't you?" Terri asked a few minutes later.

"I guess. When you live and work with someone, you either become close or you kill each other," Gabrielle said. What interested did Terri have in her and Jack? _Ha, I bet it's not me she's interested in_.

"Do you know if he's seeing someone?"

Gabrielle fought the urge to smack her. She resented the intrusion into her private life, and the fact that Jack clearly hadn't spoken to her yet. "That's something you'll have to ask Jack, why?"

"Oh, it's nothing."

"It must be something."

"I kissed him when he saw me out," Terri admitted calmly, of course not realising who she was talking to. "And he definitely kissed me back, before he pulled away and told me he was seeing someone. Thing is, I know Jack and he takes fidelity incredibly seriously. I can't see him kissing _anyone_ while he's in a relationship. It made me think that he just said it to keep me at arm's length." She shrugged. "But I think you're right, that's something I should take up with Jack."

"I think you should," Gabrielle said, her voice icy. Terri flinched at the coldness, unaware of any reason why Gabrielle would be so cool towards her.

Shortly after, Terri was in the tea-room with Dan, Erica and Rachel. "What's Gabrielle like as a boss?" she asked Dan.

"She knows how to handle Frank," Dan said, the same thing Charlotte had said. "No offense, but it's much easier to work with Frank when you have Gabrielle as a go-between that it was with you or Nelson. And she knows how to handle Jack, which is ever harder to pull off. I should know, I lived with the guy and his moods and stubbornness for two years." He got why Jack was the way he was, but that didn't make him any easier to live with at times.

"You've never found her cold to work with?" Terri asked.

"God, no. Sometimes it's hard to remember she's my boss 'cos she's so friendly and easy to get along with." Part of that was no doubt because Gabrielle wasn't that much older than Dan, but Dan knew better that to bring up the fact Gabrielle was a fair bit younger than Terri. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, it's nothing really. I just got the impression she didn't take to me at all at Jack's party, and just then she seemed really cold towards me."

That didn't sound like Gabrielle at all, Dan thought. "Did you say anything to her?" he asked. She might be taking it a bit hard that she was dealing with someone of Terri's reputation as her subordinate, but it was completely out of character for her to be cold.

"I just mentioned that I kissed Jack when he saw me out and he said something about seeing someone and it didn't seem like him to have kissed me back if he _was_ seeing someone."

"He's not, not that I know of," Dan said. He got Terri's meaning immediately. Jack had been deeply hurt by Terri's treatment of him, and if he still had feelings for her, he might very well make up a girlfriend to hold her at arm's length, at least until he felt secure that they were on the same wavelength.

Rachel nearly spit out her coffee. "I'm sorry, you _kissed_ him?" she asked. Terri nodded, think she had already said just that. "And he kissed you _back_?" Terri nodded again, wondering what this girl was getting at. Charlotte had already taken her through the current staff in the ED, making it clear that if Gabrielle had an issue with her, then Zoe Gallagher, the 2IC, would side with Gabrielle. The two women had run the ED between them when Frank had been off pursuing Eve Ballytine around the globe, and they had forged a strong bond when it came to dealing with Frank's crap. If Gabrielle felt her position was undermined by having a former NUM and hospital legend as her subordinate, Zoe would share that opinion.

And then there was Rachel Simms. Charlotte had said the two nurses were very friendly and Rachel might not take to her the way Erica had. She wondered what this girl knew. "And Jack didn't say anything about them being together?" Rachel asked, confused. It was a pretty major thing to forget to tell an ex that your current girlfriend would be their boss, especially given the circumstances.

Terri started to say no, but Dan _did_ spit out his coffee, spluttering. "_What_?" he asked, scarcely believing it, and _not_ believing that someone like Rachel had gotten hold of that information when he, who was supposed to be Jack's best mate, didn't know anything about it. "You've got to be shitting me. Frank will kill him."

"Frank knows, Dan, how stupid do you think Jack is?" Rachel asked. "He told Frank straight up 'cos of his, um, _history_," she euphemised wryly, aware that she was included in Jack's history.

"How do _you_ know?" Dan asked suspiciously.

"He told me straight up, too, before Frank, I think." She was so used to the idea of Jack and Gabrielle being together that she spoke casually of it. "Since the hold up."

Dan digested the information. Well, that explained a lot. Jack's secretiveness between the hold-up and his moving win with Gabrielle. Moving in with Gabrielle. The fact he'd been generally happier since the hold-up despite the deeply traumatic event. "Wow," he said. _Jack and Gabrielle_. He thought about it some more, his brain ticking over. "So if Frank knew they were together, and he hired Terri knowing that..." He didn't need to finish his sentence. No wonder Gabrielle was acting cold towards Terri. Bad enough that she'd had to live up to Terri's reputation from the moment she had taken the job, now she would have to live up to her reputation as the love of Jack's life, and doing it all as Terri's boss.

He got out his phone. "Who are you calling?" Rachel asked suspiciously. Dan had this grin on his face, like he had the scoop of some particularly good gossip.

"Cate." She had been Gabrielle's subordinate and on good terms with Terri, there was no way he could withhold such a juicy piece of gossip like this.

"Don't you think you ought to tell _Jack_?" Rachel asked. No wonder Jack had moved out, Dan seemed to value gossip over friendship.

"And miss out of a fireworks display?"

"Fine, _I'll_ call him," Rachel said.

Terri let herself out of the tearoom to see Gabrielle. "I had no idea that you guys were together," she apologised immediately.

"Of course you didn't, Jack didn't say anything," Gabrielle said coolly. She got that the older woman meant well, but she didn't want to see her right now. Bad enough that she had the impression that Jack was single rather than in a defacto relationship, albeit a so-far shirt-lived one, but to kiss her _back_. She had been shaking with rage and hurt until just a few minutes ago, struggling to regain her composure. She was glad Terri hadn't come in before that, she may have slapped her.

"If it makes you feel better, I think it was because Lucy adores him and he didn't want to upset her. It has nothing to do with me."

_You bet your ass it didn't. That's why he kissed you_. Of everyone in the world, why Terri? "I don't care to talk about it," Gabrielle said. Forget Frank, Jack was _really_ going to get it when she laid eyes on him.

"I hope we can work together," Terri said, her obvious sincerity just grating Gabrielle all the more. Of _course_ she could say that, coming from a position of such security.

"I have things to do," Gabrielle said shortly. "So if you don't mind..."

"Of course," Terri said, and made her swift exit.

She bumped into Charlotte on the way out and immediately confided what she had learnt – which was already spreading through the hospital like wildfire. "Wow," Charlotte said. She couldn't really blame Gabrielle for being upset. She quietly explained to Terri that Gabrielle had trust issues because of Steve – someone that Charlotte wasn't a huge fan of, there was something a little untrustworthy about him, something there that put Charlotte on edge. And any man who would cheat on someone as sweet and loyal as Gabrielle deserved to be shot, good doctor be damned.

Terri cringed when Charlotte told her about Steve and wished she had never opened her mouth... or, for that matter, kissed Jack to begin with. But on the other hand, regardless of how deeply she had been hurt – and Terri knew all about being hurt by a man who couldn't work out what he wanted, or know a good thing when he saw it – Gabrielle couldn't spend the rest of her life being jealous of any other woman in Jack's life. Perhaps if Jack had thought Gabrielle would be more understanding about what she realised now was more habit from a long-ago love, he would have been upfront with her in the first place.

When Jack arrived at eleven, pre-warned by Rachel that not only did most of the hospital know about his and Gabrielle's relationship but also about his kiss with Terri, Gabrielle had worked herself into a terrible mood. Feeling like Daniel entering the lion's den – only as an atheist, he knew God wasn't going to intervene – he let himself into the office she shared with Frank and Zoe. She looked up at him with a fire in her eyes that sent a shiver down his spine. He hadn't realised she was capable of that kind of anger. "Babe –" he started.

She stood up so she wouldn't have to look up at him and feel smaller when _he_ was in the wrong. "Don't you _dare_," she spat. "Don't you _babe_ me."

"I'm sorry. I should have told you."

"You should have _told_ me? You shouldn't have kissed her in the first place!" she yelled, too angry to care that she might be heard through the door.

"I didn't! _She_ kissed _me_!" Jack said indignantly.

"Which she wouldn't have if she had _known_ about us! Why the fuck didn't you tell her?"

Jack didn't know why, except that he knew how much Lucy adored him and kept hoping that he and Terri would get back together. There seemed no point to upset her by informing her that he was living with someone, especially when he had the handy excuse of Terri living on the other side of the world. "I should have," he said lamely. "Look," he said, moving towards her, trying to take her in his arms.

She pulled away from him. She had been angry with him on Saturday night, but that was nothing compared to how she felt now. "You know how I feel about infidelity," she spat at him.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," Jack said, too indignant at the implication to be apologetic. "You're comparing me to Steve? One stupid drunk kiss that I didn't even instigate to a chronic cheat?" Now his own eyes were flashing with anger. "_You_ know how _I_ feel about that." Years of watching his dad hit on anything with legs – including Charlotte, who he had reluctantly introduce her to after he had accepted the fact that he would be a father – had left him with a deeply entrenched feeling of disgust towards people who played around when in a relationship. And she knew damn well that he felt that way.

"You have a knack for doing stuff when you're drunk, don't you?" she taunted him.

Oh, that was _not fair_. "I might have slept around in the past but I have _never_ screwed around on a girlfriend. Jesus Christ, Gabs, I _love_ you, I – "

"Don't!" she screamed at him. "Don't you _dare_ tell me you love me you _piece of shit_!" She went to strike him, but he was stronger and his reflexes were faster and he pulled her tightly into his arms. She struggled against his hold but he restrained her easily with one arm and forced her head up so he could kiss her, smashing his mouth against hers with a brutality that he'd never felt in passion before. He thrust his tongue into her mouth, pushing his body against hers as he was pushing his passion against her, and for a few seconds, she kissed him back with the same raw hunger.

Then she remembered that he'd kissed Terri back, had his tongue in her mouth, his arms around her and her anger and hurt came rushing back, bleeding in with her anger and hurt at Steve's betrayal, a betrayal that had never truly healed... Gabrielle bit down hard on his tongue and took a vicious amount of satisfaction hearing him yell in pain and tasting his blood.

"You _bitch_!" Jack yelled at her. He'd never had a girlfriend take her anger at him out in violence; not Terri when he had told her about Charlotte, not Deanna when he'd told her he never wanted to see her again and she had retaliated by dumping all the stuff he had left at her place down the waste disposal chute. His instinct was to strike her in the same way he always responded to violence since he had been big enough to hit his step-mother back. He had his hand mid-air before he realised what he was doing and dropped his arm.

The damage was done. He knew Steve had been violent with her when he had been drunk, and a violent boyfriend was something she had no more tolerance for than a cheating one. "I'm sorry," he said contritely. Damn, why had she had to _bite_ him? His tongue was throbbing and the pain was starting to reverb. Gingerly, he went to hug her but she stepped away from him.

"Go to hell," she spat before walking out of the office and out of the ward. Zoe started to ask her what had happened and where she was going. "Get Saint Terri to do my job," she spat. "I'm sure she's _much_ better at it than I am."

As one of the few people not in the loop, Zoe was confused as hell and went into the office. "I need to look at that," Zoe said when she saw Jack was bleeding.

"I'll be fine. I've been hurt worse than this," he said wryly. Zoe had been informed of Jack's history of abuse upon his return; Frank had thought it prudent to give her a heads-up that he was under no circumstances to treat sexual predators or their victims.

"Not on my watch you haven't. I'm going to check you out and then you're going to tell me why the best NUM I've ever worked with just walked out and told her newest RN to do her job instead."

"She's not just an RN, she used to be the NUM here and she was part of the nursing staff when this place was run by the Catholic Church," Jack explained ten minutes later after Zoe had decided the injury Gabrielle had inflicted didn't need any treatment than time. He explained Terri's history both with the hospital, the ward, and with him. He admitted to his relationship with Gabrielle and didn't gloss over his massive errors in judgement, first in not telling Terri that he was seeing someone when he actually _started_ seeing Gabrielle, and then with kissing her back, even for just a second. "I take it Frank didn't tell you _any_ of this?" Jack asked.

Zoe shook her head and rubbed her temple slightly. She could feel a headache coming on, the kind that only Frank could inspire. She could overlook the fact that Frank had decided not to tell her that Jack and Gabrielle had been seeing each other – after all, they had been discreet and professional enough that no-one else had twigged – but she had no idea what had possessed Frank to hire Terri without so much as telling her. Surely it had occurred to him that that the ward''s former NUM as well as her boyfriend's ex might not make for the best of working relationships – between Gabrielle and Terri, between Gabrielle and Jack, hell, between Gabrielle and the people who had previously worked with Terri – Frank, Dan, Von, Charlotte? _Of course he didn't_. In Frank's mind, he would have seen nothing wrong with bringing on an experienced nurse who knew how to deal with him and had excellent professional and personal relationships with five of the staff. "How will this affect things at home?" Zoe asked.

"If you mean will she throw me out, she won't," Jack said. "She might make me sleep in the spare room but she won't kick me out." Jack averted his gaze slightly and stared at nothing in particular. "I can't lose her, Zoe," he said in the same gutted voice she knew had been hers as Sean had lay dying. "She's the best thing that ever happened to me."

_I can believe that_, Zoe thought. Smart, feisty, loyal... and he was smart enough to know it, too. He had made one dumb mistake – well, two, if you included the initial mistake of not telling Terri he was seeing someone. If Gabrielle's heart wasn't hardened against infidelity, she would probably be more accepting of that. "You need to be very careful around Terri, you know that, don't you?" Zoe asked. Jack nodded. He would never do anything, but that was still too much for Gabrielle's liking. If what Jack had said was true – and Zoe was inclined to believe that Jack himself didn't know the extent of his reputation – then his relationship with Terri was hospital folklore, a passionate affair that he had never really gotten over. That he had was beside the point; people would talk and the more time he spent with Terri, the worse the talk would be. It wasn't going to be easy to be Gabrielle in the next coming weeks. "Good," Zoe said. "I'll talk to Frank."

* * *

"How was it a good idea to have Terri Sullivan back on the ward?" Zoe asked Frank shortly after. "Did it occur to you that it could undermine Gabrielle's position?"

"She'll be fine, she's a professional."

"It's not the professional part you have to worry about. Jesus, Frank, you _knew_ she and Jack were together – did you not think that maybe she might feel a little insecure, given their history? This is _Gabrielle_ we're talking about."

"She gets on well enough with Rachel."

"She know Jack didn't give a damn about Rachel. _Rachel_ knows Jack didn't give a damn about her."

"Well, I can't fire her now." Frank said this in a tone that suggested he wouldn't if he could anyway. Zoe sighed. Frank's own brand of loyalty could be aggravating at times. He would leave her and Gabrielle to run the ward while he chased after his great love and repaid Gabrielle's hard work by hiring someone who was bound to play at her insecurities, a woman who couldn't possibly be of more value to the ward than Gabrielle herself. And for what? And old friend?

"This was _your_ idea, _you_ make sure it doesn't get out of hand," Zoe directed him. Something told her things were already out of hand.

* * *

Jack left Gabrielle to herself and made up the bed in the spare room. But he didn't sleep. He felt awful for hurting her, more awful than he thought was possible. It occurred to him that he must really love her because he _knew_ he hadn't felt this bad about Charlotte, either immediately after the deed had been done or when he'd broken Terri's heart over it. And this was over some dumb kiss. He told himself that she had overreacted, but that didn't stop him from feeling awful for hurting her.

After two hours of lying in bed, wide awake, his heart aching for her, her got out of bed, sensing her tears. He slipped inside the room and could see from the light coming in from the hall that her body was wracked with sobs. He slid into bed beside her, spooning her. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

She could feel his tears drip onto her hair and she knew that he was truly sorry, but she couldn't erase the imagine of them in her mind. Kissing... making out,,, in bed together. She sobbed harder as a fresh imagine of them came to her head. "I love you," he said, and she didn't yell at him this time. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm shit without you." His face was in her hair, and she permitted him to trail kisses along the back of her head. Despite herself, she felt good in his arms. She knew he loved her and knew that he was hurting over the fact that he had hurt her.

Taking hope from her permitting his kisses, he eased her onto her back and ran gentle kisses across her neck and face. She accepted his caresses passively, which given her response when he had tried to kiss her this afternoon, Jack took as a good sign.

She tried to relax under his ministrations, in fact, found herself enjoying his touch. Four months and they were hardly strangers to how the other liked to be touched. But when he tried to kiss her on the mouth, she tensed up, remembering how he'd kissed Terri. She couldn't overlook that, and Jack's attempt to kiss her made her heart ache all over again.

Jack backed off immediately, as much to respect her wishes as to not get his tongue bitten again. "Whenever you're ready," he said, trying not to feel hurt by her rejection. He pulled her back in position spooning her and eventually drifted into fitful sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

"Jack, it's family day at Lucy's school on Wednesday and it would mean the world to her if you came," Terri told Jack a few days later.

"Can't," he said abruptly. He was well aware that even being seen _talking_ to Terri alone would make people talk, and since Gabrielle still wouldn't let him kiss her on the mouth, Jack was keeping his distance from Terri. He knew that Gabrielle knew he wasn't _doing_ anything, but he also knew how much gossip could hurt to someone as insecure about particular matters as Gabrielle, and he was determined to give the gossips no opportunity to talk. Well, at least as little opportunity as possible, given that you couldn't really stop people talking in a situation like this.

"Why not? I checked your roster. Neither of us is working and Gabrielle is, so what's the problem?" Terri made a face, remembering the filthy look Zoe had given her when she'd caught her going through the doctor's rosters; a filthy look that had darkened when Terri had freely admitted that she had wanted to know Jack's schedule for the following week. Zoe had made it clear she disapproved of her working here, and that she disapproved of any personal interaction, no matter how innocent, between Jack and Terri.

"Terri, I am not going to be seen playing happy families with you," Jack said simply.

"Uh... you _do_ realise that this thing is actually at her _school_, not the hospital?" Terri asked, a little sarcastic. "I'm not asking you to be my date to the hospital ball or anything."

Jack ran his fingers through his hair. "_Someone_ will find out," he said. "Do you really not get what a legend you are around here? And how many people still remember how much of an _ass_ I made of myself chasing after you? I won't add fuel to the fire by going along to this family day. I'm not her dad. I'm not even her step-dad. I'm her step-mother's ex-boyfriend... and I'm not even sure if _that's_ correct 'cos you made it pretty clear that you didn't want a relationship." Terri flinched at that, and Jack felt guilty. "Sorry," he said. "I'm just... pissed off that she has to go through this. The least I owe her is to support her every inch."

"I understand," Terri said, trying to. She could understand the position Gabrielle was in. She had a long history with this hospital and it couldn't be easy for Gabrielle to live up to that. And she and Jack had a legendary history – not helped by the fact that, as Jack had said, he had made a right ass of himself chasing after her. People didn't forget those things in a hurry. So she tried to be understanding.

But on the other hand – there was Lucy. Jack meant the world to her, was the only father-figure she had known, and Terri hated hearing her ask why Jack didn't come around. She had tried to explain that Jack was in a relationship with someone, and had immediately understood Jack's own concerns with telling her – Lucy didn't take it well. She had always held onto the idea that Terri and Jack would get back together eventually, hence her animosity towards anyone that Terri dated. She didn't take it any better that Jack was seeing someone. In fact, she took it worse on account that Jack was living with her.

_Jack, Jack, Jack. If only you'd said something in the beginning_. Would that have made a difference? _Probably not_. Terri doubted Lucy would have been any happier about it... but at least Jack wouldn't be in a position where he felt he had to placate Gabrielle every inch of the way.

She sighed. She hated disappointing Lucy like this. She tried to understand what it was like to be in Gabrielle's position, but at the end of the day, if it came down to a choice between Lucy's happiness and Gabrielle's... well, there _was_ no choice.

* * *

"I still have that photo of you using the garter belt as a hair accessory," Terri teased Charlotte the following Friday at Cougars. "I think you out-drank everyone there."

Charlotte poked her tongue out. She had forgotten how much she missed the people she had worked with when she had first started at All Saints – Terri, Bron, Luke, Mitch. "And _I_ seem to recall _you_ singing... or at least attempting to," she teased right back.

"I can sing!" Terri said indignantly.

"No, you can't," Jack and Von chorused together.

"And you would know this how?" Charlotte couldn't help but ask.

"I know plenty, thankyouverymuch," Jack replied. He couldn't help it. He and Charlotte had such a long history that it was so easy to tease her. And despite his intentions to put Gabrielle's insecurities at ease, he felt _so comfortable_ around Terri. Feeling a little guilty, he draped his arm around Gabrielle's shoulders and noticed that she was onto her third vodka and lemonade. He started to tell her to ease up, then decided that now was not the time.

"Hey, is it true that you guys really went through seven NUMS in the course of a year?" Terri asked.

"Kinda," Jack replied. "Admin twisted the truth somewhat. It went Nelson-you-Nelson-Deanna-Nelson-Dan-Gabby. None of it was actually Frank's fault, but I think Oliver Marone likes to make it _seem_ like it was."

"See, there was talk floating around to the fact that your relationship with Deanna drove Nelson over the edge, so I believe that's two NUMs that _you're_ actually responsible for," Charlotte teased, not noticing Gabrielle's grimace. Jack's long track record with relationships in the hospital – particularly the ward – was not something she liked hearing about.

"Says the woman who sent DVDs of Bec getting Deanna drunk and getting her to make an ass of herself to everyone she could think of," Jack retorted.

Charlotte laughed at the memory. It had been at Jack's twenty-fifth birthday. The two women had taken an instant dislike to each other – I've known pit-bulls to be less possessive, she confided in Terri, not specifying which woman she was referring to – and Rebecca had managed to get Deanna drunk on her trademark delicious but super-potent cocktails, then had proceeded to needle her into tears. Not bad for a girl who had only known Jack a few months. And Charlotte had been there to record the whole thing. And send copies to everyone she could think of. "That girl can be scary at times," Charlotte admitted. "She once gave Bart an earful for not realising who she was and buzzing her in, and he's been frightened of her ever since."

"I find her lovely," Gabrielle said, a trifle smugly. "She gets along great with me and my brother, too." Which had actually kind of surprised her, since Jack had already warned her that she could be a bit possessive. Gabrielle hadn't found her that in the slightest. A bit prone to shooting her mouth off, but not what she would call possessive.

"That doesn't surprise me," Charlotte said dryly. "I assume she met Jack's dad before she met yours?" Gabrielle nodded. "That explains it then. I'm sure you're dad was Saint Peter compared to Ned."

"Hey!" Jack said indignantly. His father might have the morals of an alley cat when it came to women, but wasn't that taking it a bit far?

"It's true, Jack," Charlotte said. "He made me remember why I became a lesbian in the first place."

"It's your own damn fault," Jack grumbled. "I distinctly remember telling you not to let go of my hand, let alone disappear from my line of vision."

There were chuckles going around the table now, even though no-one really got what Jack and Charlotte were talking about. "And here was me thinking that no matter how badly you spoke about him, he wouldn't stoop low enough to hit on the woman carrying his grandchild."

"You thought wrong... actually, it wasn't that you thought wrong, it was that you didn't believe me," Jack said.

"You're making that up," Gabrielle said, her jaw dropping. Jack rarely spoke about his father and brother and had certainly displayed no interest in having her meet them, and she had known that he had hit on Rebecca, but she still found it difficult to believe the man was really _that_ lacking in morals.

Huh, who was she kidding? Her ex had had an affair with her best friend and given her an STD because of it. It wasn't that she found it difficult to believe... it was that she was more than a little hurt that he had never told her any of this. She was meant to be his defacto, didn't that count for anything?

"'Fraid not," Charlotte said, her eyes sparkling. It was so long ago now that she could laugh about it, and even at the time... "It was more pathetic than anything else," she said. "I've met so many of those types of men – hell, Terri and I used to work with Richard Craig's daughter, we have _so_ much dirt on him."

"At least I can see why a highly respected surgeon thinks he can get away with crap like that," Jack said.

"As opposed to a retired blue collar worker?" Charlotte asked, which was a more polite way to say _out-of-work labourer going to seed_.

"Something like that."

"You know, Jack, the more I learn about you, the more I'm floored that you turned out as well as you did," Terri mused.

"I think someone's suffering from memory loss," Charlotte teased. "Don't you remember a certain up-himself physician who pursued you like a yapping puppy?"

"Come to think of it, I have a _vague_ memory," Terri said, stressing the _vague_. She glanced at Jack approvingly. Whatever had done it, he had matured and settled him far more than the mere four years that had lapsed since she had first met him.

Gabrielle scowled at Terri's look. She knew that the events of the previous year had forced Jack to confront a lot of demons, and in turn, had settled and matured him in a way that gave him the presence of someone a lot older than he was. And he had _always_ gotten on with Charlotte... maybe there was something about older women that appealed to him? And Terri had Lucy, who Gabrielle knew Jack was deeply fond of. She also knew, although Jack thought she didn't, that Terri was putting pressure on him to make time for Lucy. She tried to pretend that his history didn't bother her, but being here with Terri and Charlotte – and even Von – all women who had known Jack longer than she did, made her deeply resent the bond he had with Terri and Lucy. Damnit, she had left him, twice from a relationship and then the country altogether. What was it about her that kept drawing him back?

A little drunk, she placed her hand on his leg possessively. He reached under the table and laced his fingers through hers, squeezing her hand. When he brought his hand back up to grab his drink, she playfully started inching her hand up his leg. Jack might adore Lucy, but something told Gabrielle that as a former nun, Terri lacked the open-mindedness that Jack liked in bed.

Jack almost spit out his beer when he felt Gabrielle's hand slide between his legs. Although she permitted – even seemed to welcome – cuddles, she hadn't let him touch her sexually since she had found out about his and Terri's kiss. For three consecutive nights he had tried, each time to be met with her stiff, unresponsive body that clammed up as soon as his affections became more amorous.

And now she was feeling him up under the table.

"Something wrong, Jack?" Terri asked, noticing Jack got a deep red. Jack wasn't the type who got flushed easily, and it was obvious Gabrielle was doing something to get a response like that from him. A very drunk Gabrielle.

"Just... swallowed too much beer," he replied quickly. He reached under the table and yanked Gabrielle's hand away. "I'm feeling kind of tired, anyway. I think we should finish up and get going," he said, flashing a look in Gabrielle's direction. Whatever had made her feel him up like that, he approved and wanted to get out of here just as soon as the tightness in his pants died down.

"Anyone know what _that_ was about?" a bemused Charlotte asked less than ten minutes later when Jack and Gabrielle left Cougars.

"Think someone was playing games under the table," Terri said. She couldn't help but feel a twinge of disrespect towards her boss, both personally and professionally. She got the strong feeling that Gabrielle had been making a point about Jack being her man, and to do it around work colleagues, even after hours, was tacky, not to mention feeling like she had to make a point with a very ex-girlfriend. Terri couldn't help but think of Rose Carlton, who hadn't been above such things, either.

"You have to understand," Charlotte said when Terri expressed her opinion later that evening. "Steve really burned her. She's usually the most unflappable person you'll meet but if she feels someone's a threat to her relationship... I don't really understand it myself, but Jack must because I can't see him putting up with her insecurities if he didn't."

Jack started kissing Gabrielle enthusiastically as soon as they got in the house, too worked up to notice that she was avoiding letting him kiss her on the mouth, figuring she was just trying to give herself some breathing room because in all fairness, she was hardly the first woman he had made dizzy with his unrelenting kisses when he got worked up. Finally, he ran his arms up her back, under her shirt, pushing her body against hers, fumbling with the clasp of her bra and at the same time crushing his mouth against hers.

She jerked away, the feel of his mouth on hers still making her think of the kiss he had shared with Terri. If only he wasn't so damn pedantic about kissing she might have enjoyed it.

"What?" he asked, the irritation in his voice obvious. He couldn't remember being this horny. He'd always had a high sex drive, but living with someone he was crazy about had upped his libido more than ever, and Gabrielle holding him at arm's length was a cause of frustration that was becoming an increasing distraction.

"I don't want to."

He pulled away, irritation and anger written all over his face. "You're kidding me?" he asked. It was phrased as a question but meant as a statement. "You were all over me at Cougars." He stared at her for a second in that penetrating way that made her feel like he could bore straight into her brain and read her thoughts. "You did it to make a point to Terri. You've _got_ to be kidding me."

"And how stupid do you think I looked, Jack? We _live_ together but I've never met your dad or brothers. Do you know how embarrassing it was for me to listen to Charlotte joke about it – someone you had a one-night stand with has met him, but _I_ haven't?"

"Oh, and the fact that he hit on both my sister and the woman carrying my child didn't clue you in?" Jack asked. "I thought you said you'd had enough of being mauled by older men."

"Screw you, Jack."

"I believe that's the problem," he snapped."You haven't let me touch you sexually since you found out Terri kissed me. Jesus Christ, it was some dumb drunk kiss that I didn't even instigate. Haven't I been punished enough?"

"No," she said. "You _hurt_ me, Jack. Don't you get that? You hurt me and you think it's OK to crawl back into my bed and act like nothing ever happened?"

"I wasn't trying to pretend that it never happened! I was just trying to get close to you!"

"Is that the term you guys have for it these days?" she sneered.

"No, but we _do_ have a term for women who work men up to make a point in front of ex-girlfriends and then won't do anything," he retorted. She was breathing heavily now, and in her scoop-neck top, it had the effect of drawing attention to her breasts. He found himself turned on and reached for her.

She saw the desire in his eyes. "I'm not a whore, Jack," she said. "You want to be my lover, start acting like a boyfriend." She walked away from him and into the main bedroom, making it clear from the slamming of the door that he was sleeping in the spare room tonight.

"You OK, Jack? You look distracted."

Jack smiled thinly at Terri. It wasn't her fault that Gabrielle was mad at him and there was nothing he could do to placate her. "Fine," he said. He felt edgy. He hadn't realised how much he needed affection until Gabrielle was mad at him. Both proud, passionate people, they had said things to each other in the heat of the moment that couldn't be taken back.

* * *

"You look like you haven't relaxed in a while," Terri noted. "Something wrong?" He looked – not tired exactly, but unsettled and Terri couldn't help but wonder how much of the coolness she sensed between Jack and Gabrielle was fuelled by gossip it was so easy to think you saw something when so many people were telling you it was there – and how much of it was actually attributed to their rocky relationship.

"Nothing you can help me with," he said dryly.

"Well, this might cheer you up." She pulled a piece of paper from her pocket. "Lucy wants you and Gabrielle to come over to dinner one night. I know you get every Wednesday off so I thought maybe then." Jack opened the invitation, a charming work of art from a seven-year-old. "She gets that you're living with someone and as such, she's your main priority... but she still misses you, Jack, and wants you to be part of her life. So do I."

"You want me to be part of her life or part of yours?" Jack asked.

"Both."

Jack looked at the invitation for a few seconds, touched by the simple gesture. He missed Lucy and wanted her in his life, too. Reluctantly, he handed it back. "I'm sorry, I can't. Not yet."

"Because of Gabrielle?" Terri tried to keep the cool tone out of her voice. She felt like she was dealing with Rose all over again and recalled with grim irony that Rose's insecurity and jealousy had been her downfall.

Jack nodded slightly, knowing how petty his girlfriend looked. "I wish you could see it how I see it," he said. "She's been hurt badly and I did the worst thing I could possibly do in her eyes. If I'd beaten the crap out of her or forced myself on her she would have taken it better."

"She's never had an abusive parent or an ex-patient try to rape her, I take it?" Terri asked dryly.

"You've never had someone you thought you could trust give you a STD, I take it?" Jack asked, just as dryly.

Terri decided not to push it. Something had always told her that Jack had a dark history that she thought was best left in the past. "You can't let her dictate your life like this," she told him. Jack nodded slightly, and she got the feeling that he already knew that.

Gabrielle overheard the whole conversation, and burned inside over it.

It got worse. The following day, she came across Dan and Terri working on a patient. Dan had had a good camaraderie with Terri and Gabrielle had noticed it immediately. Dan looked up to her as an authority figure both in experience and age – something Gabrielle knew she would never have with him, and she resented Terri for it. She resented Terri for her twenty years at All Saints and the legend that went along with it. Among other things.

She gave Dan an order and Dan ignored it because it was contrary to what Terri had told him to do moments before. "Dan," she said in that warning tone that Dan should have recognised.

"Yeah?" he asked abstractly.

"I gave you an order."

Terri realised before Dan that he had failed to recognise Gabrielle as his boss for being around her. "I believe your boss just gave you an order, Dan," she said, as mildly as she could manage. She was beginning to understand how frustrating it was to be in Gabrielle's position. At least Dan intellectually got that Gabrielle was his boss. There were plenty of people in this hospital – people she had known for twenty years – who would never accept Gabrielle as NUM when she was around.

"I'm sorry," Terri said when Dan had left. "It's just that his first permanent job was with me as his NUM and I think first NUMs and like first loves, you never quite forget," she attempted to joke.

"My first love cheated on me and gave me Chlamydia," Gabrielle said flatly. "I would quite rather forget, actually."

* * *

"I don't believe this!" Dan yelled furiously when he got the rosters three weeks later. "I'm on nights and weekends _again_."

"That's what you get for listening to Terri before you listen to Gabrielle," Rachel said unsympathetically. By now, the story of Dan answering to Terri before Gabrielle – damint, it had been some dumb habit, just like smoking or chewing your nails, you could give it up for years and then something would trigger you to do it again – and, like gossip went, had morphed into Gabrielle repeatedly giving him a direct order while Terri repeatedly gave him the opposite direct order and Dan listening to Terri. Dan was beginning to understand what it was to be the constant subject of hospital gossip the way Jack was. But he still resented the week after week of crappy shifts.

"Don't you feel a _little_ bit ashamed of yourself?" Rachel asked when Dan muttered grievances about Gabrielle. "You questioned her leadership by answering to someone who _used_ to hold her position."

"Never thought I'd hear you coming to Jack's defence," Dan said.

"I'm not. I'm coming to Gabrielle's. Terri's a great nurse, but she's doing more harm than good to this team. Since she's not getting support from Frank, she definitely needs it from her nurses."

Dan glowered a little. He recalled Jack giving him a lecture about mateship after he had threatened to throw him out over Bianca Frost... and Gabrielle giving him a lecture about teamwork. Good Lord, the two of them joined forces... no wonder Rachel was starting to sound like someone from a _Harry Potter_ movie. He had to laugh at that.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"Jack. Gabrielle. Their ideas about teamwork and loyalty. They'll work it out eventually. People like them are in it for the long haul, like – what is it that couple in that book Jack loves so much?"

"Scarlett and Rhett?"

"Yeah, them."

Terri took her evening and weekend rosters much worse than Dan, which considering Dan had a fiancé mostly on days, was quite considerable. But then, Terri had a young daughter to consider. So when she saw that yet again she had been placed on nights and weekends, she was furious. She knew Gabrielle was behind it. Between her and Zoe, they had conspired to have Jack doing mostly weekday shifts and Terri doing weeknight and weekend shifts so they never saw each other.

Charlotte had told her Gabrielle had an ally in Zoe. Terri had no idea how much.

But then, she had an ally in Frank Campion. And in admin.

She approached Jack. "I've been rostered on nights and weekends three weeks in a row," she said.

"So?"

"So... your girlfriend does the rosters," she pointed out.

"Defacto," he reminded her.

"Girlfriend," _she_ reminded _him_. "I did some reading when you told me you had a legal tenancy contract with her. You're not in a defacto relationship, you're her _tenant_."

"It's the same as a pre-nup. If I live there without a legal agreement for a year then I have a claim on her property. _I_ was the one who insisted on it."

"It doesn't matter." She had driven a thought into Jack's mind and if Gabrielle was going to be manipulative, then she could be manipulative, too – and she had years and years on Gabrielle, having learnt from Rose Carlton. "She's using her power to put me out of the way. I have a _child_, Jack. Charlotte gets day shifts because of that."

"That's up to Charlotte and Zoe. Zoe doesn't have a legal obligation to give Charlotte day shifts."

"I know that, Jack. And I also know that Gabrielle has been using her position to stop you from spending any time with me and I'm sick of it. I never get to see Lucy. It's bad enough that she doesn't get to see _you_, it's not fair that she doesn't have a parent-figure that she doesn't get to spend any time with."

"It's not my problem, Terri," Jack told her.

"Jack, I'm sorry to do this, but I am _making_ it your problem. Talk to her and have her give me decent shifts or I'll make a formal complaint."

"What, that she's giving a shift nurse shift work?" Jack asked sarcastically.

"That she's using her position for personal gain. I'll do it, Jack. You know what I'm like when it comes to Lucy. For that matter, I _used_ to know what you were like when it came to Lucy." She let the words hang in the air, reminding Jack that he had made the little girl love him more than she did the father she barely remembered, and having made her love him, he had an obligation to her.

"Lay of Terri and the night shifts, Gabby," Jack warned Gabrielle over dinner that night.

"Excuse me?" she asked. She didn't let _Frank_ interfere with how she ran her department, what made _Jack_ think he had a say?

"Lay off Terri and the night shifts," he repeated, as if she hadn't heard him, when they both knew that she had. "It's not fair to Lucy."

"I didn't realise we were accommodating the needs of parents on the staff," Gabrielle said sarcastically. God knew. Frank had made it clear enough times that his staff were not to bring their personal lives into the ward.

"Zoe gives Charlotte day shifts," he reminded her.

"That's Zoe's prerogative. She doesn't have any legal obligation to do that."

It was the same argument he had had with Terri, but reversed. "No... but it's a decent thing to do. And she's threatening to make a formal complaint if you don't cut her some slack."

"For what? She's a shift worker, she gets shift work. If she'd wanted to be a NUM, she should have found another ward." Or better yet, another hospital. In another state. Wasn't Perth supposed to have the best weather in the country?

"For using your position as her superior to ensure she doesn't get to spend any time with your boyfriend," Jack said quietly. He knew what was coming and felt awful for making it sound like it was entirely Terri's belief when deep down, he knew that that was exactly what Gabrielle was doing. It broke his heart to see her acting so petty and he was beginning to wish Terri had never re-entered his life. Things were so much easier when she lived on the other side of the world.

Her eyes flashed. "Defacto," she corrected, and Jack wasn't about to tell her that Terri was actually right, because they had a legally binding tenancy agreement, he was legally a tenant, not a defacto. "That _bitch_," she said.

"I suggest you never say that to anyone but me," Jack warned her. The hospital might not be in the hands of the church anymore, but Terri was still a legend for a lot of people, and besides, it was generally considered quite tasteless to call former nuns bitches. "Look, can you just do it, OK. She came to me as a favour to you. Just smooth it over and give her fairer shifts. It _is_ unreasonable to be putting the same person on night shifts week after week with no extenuating circumstances." And trying to cut off contact with your boyfriend was _not_ an extenuating circumstance. Steve and Bart mostly handled the night shifts because Steve preferred the fast pace of the ward to the temptation of alcohol and Bart wanted the experience he wouldn't get during the day with far more experienced doctors. But that was their preference and it was fine by both them and Zoe. Terri, on the other hand, had a young daughter and like most people, disliked night shifts.

Gabrielle scowled. She had no doubts that Terri would go through on her threat to file a complaint... and deep down, she knew she had been putting her on night shift to get her out of Jack's way. "Fine," she snarled. "She can have it her way." _But don't think I can't play dirty, too_.

* * *

Gabrielle was still fuming a week later as she pulled into her street. In a way, it would have been better had Terri gone straight to admin. But to go to Jack, to have Jack take her side – it demonstrated that she still had a lot of influence on him, and Gabrielle hated it. She had a lot of influence with a lot of people, something Gabrielle hated almost as much. Dan clearly still saw her as a boss-figure, and Charlotte... Gabrielle missed the palliness she and Charlotte had once had. She knew that Terri and Charlotte went way back, and that the two women were close in age whereas Charlotte was fifteen years older than her, but...

It seemed like ever since Terri had come back, everything Gabrielle had worked so hard for was under fire.

She pulled into her driveway, slightly distracted – too distracted to notice the flash of blond and colour that darted from the front step in front of her car. It was a four-wheel drive and as such, Lucy only came up to the top of the roo bar. It was mere seconds before Lucy was out of her line of vision, and despite Gabrielle braking immediately, she couldn't stop solid steel connecting with human skull. She heard the crack, followed by a scream and then a _thud_.

She remembered when her mother had first gotten sick and there had been that moment just before the diagnoses of cancer had been spoken. Gabrielle remembered that feeling all too well, because she was feeling it now. Dread, horror, suddenly having to face up to a person's mortality.

She yanked up the hand brake so violently it would take a fair effort to get it down again and killed the engine, rushing to the front of the car where the seven-year-old was on the ground. At the same time, Jack, hearing the noise, came running out of the house. "Oh, God," was all he could think to say, his heart churning. He ran over to Lucy. "Here, don't move," he said gently. "What are you doing here?"

"Wanted to see you," she said. At least she seemed alert.

"OK, try not to move. I'll get you an ambulance." He turned to Gabrielle. "Call triple-zero now," he barked at her in the tone of a worried parent... no tone he had used on her before. "I told you that car was a death trap," she heard him say under his breath, loud enough for her to hear.

He stayed with her while Gabrielle called triple zero, feeling guilty as sin – far guiltier, in fact, than he had after he had slept with Charlotte. That indiscretion had come about because he had been drunk, and had only hurt another adult. He had deliberately ignored and avoided a child who wanted – _needed_ – his love. "I'm sorry," he said over and over again while he stayed with Lucy. "I'll make time for you when you're better. I promise."

He went with Lucy in the ambulance without saying another word to Gabrielle. Her heart sank at the way he just ignored her to fuss over Lucy. And she felt awful for hitting her. But how was she to know – the girl had run out in front of her. What had she been doing here, anyway? She must have caught a bus or something.

She pottered around the house for a little bit then, unable to stand it anymore, decided to go to the hospital. Skittish about taking her own car, she hunted for Jack's keys and hoped he wouldn't mind her taking his car. He would need a lift home anyway, and he had made it clear what he thought of her car.

When she got there, Terri had already been notified and was at the hospital. _How did she get here so fast_? Gabrielle wondered, not realising that the older woman had broken several traffic laws to get there in record time. Gabrielle's second thought was to register that Jack had his arm across her back and she had her head on his shoulder. She could see from her vantage point that her body was shaking with sobs and intellectually, she got that Jack was comforting her. But that didn't help ease her anguish at seeing them like that. It was certainly more intimate than he had touched _her_ lately... and she knew she only had herself to blame for it.

_Am I driving him away_? she asked herself, terrified at the thought. Had her attempts to keep him from seeing Terri and Lucy driven a wedge between them? She knew instinctively that Jack was distraught over Lucy's injuries. She had never truly comprehended until now how crazy Jack was about kids, Lucy especially. Had she, by trying to keep them apart, only succeeded in bringing them together?

She felt a knot form in her throat and she fought back tears. No way would she cry. She doubted she would get any sympathy anyway, being the one who had hit Lucy. A thought occurred to her – would people think she had done it _deliberately_? Her resentment of Terri and Lucy were obvious. But surely people knew she wouldn't run the child over?

Something told her some wouldn't.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Rachel asked her when she spotted her boss. "I would have thought – " she cut herself off and grinned sheepishly when she realised how what she meant to say would sound out loud.

"That I'd be hiding after maliciously running down Saint Terri's daughter?" Gabrielle offered bitterly.

"Sorry," Rachel said contritely.

"It's only what everyone is thinking."

"Not _everyone_."

She was attempting to make Gabrielle feel better, and Gabrielle appreciated her effort, but her words had the opposite effect. Of course, there would be people who believed it had been an accident, maybe even Jack himself would eventually believe it. But there would be plenty who wouldn't... and plenty more who, at best, would think that she had spotted the girl on her property and unconsciously intended her harm. "Hey, for what's it worth, _I_ believe it was an accident... and I'd like to know what Terri was doing, letting her run around like that. I'm twenty-three and I don't like wandering some parts of Sydney alone... let alone letting your seven-year-old _daughter_ do it."

Gabrielle flashed her a grateful smile. "Thanks," she said. It was nice to know that _someone_ believed r.

At that moment, Terri turned, as if sensing Gabrielle's presence. Her eyes blazed with fury and distress and she broke free of Jack's casual hold – not that the iron grip he was capable of would have held her in the fury she was in – and rushed towards Gabrielle. "You _bitch_!" she screamed, her words echoing through the ward, shocking people that Terri was capable of that kind of anger – or of calling _anyone_ a bitch. Even someone who had just hit her daughter with a massive piece of steel on the front of a powerful car. "You vengeful _bitch_. I'll have you charged for this! What, you weren't happy giving me crap shifts to stop Jack from having anything to do with Lucy and I, that wasn't enough, you had to _run her over_?"

Even though Gabrielle had at least fifteen centimetres and ten kilograms on Terri, she felt frightened under the onslaught of the older woman's anger. In her experience as a nurse, there wasn't an anger quite like that of a parent who's child has been endangered – regardless of who was at fault. And in Lucy's case, the person driving the car was a pretty handy target. "I didn't –" she started to tell Terri that she hadn't meant to do anything, that Lucy had made her own way there and run in front of her car.

Terri cut her off with a massive slap across Gabrielle's cheek. "If you weren't such a maniac, it would be _pathetic_ that you're so jealous of a _child_," Terri screamed viciously.

"Hey!" Jack interrupted Terri's rant – several seconds too late, in Gabrielle's opinion. He was supposed to be _her_ boyfriend, but he had just let Terri _hit_ her. Terri, who was her _subordinate_. People would be talking about this for weeks, even months to come. And Jack had been too concerned with Terri and Lucy to think about what was happening and react. And she knew he could have reacted, had he wanted to. Had he not been preoccupied with other things. "There's nothing that can be done about it now." He pulled Terri away from Gabrielle with that iron grip of his, and she didn't try to resist. Instead, she allowed him to pull her into his arms and she wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed. For a second, Gabrielle could almost understand her anguish. She had never had children herself, of course – not even a niece or nephew – but there was something about the raw emotion of a parent who's child is in danger that gets to even the most distant of medical staff. She didn't know what Lucy's condition was, for all she knew, it could be critical, and it had to be tearing Terri apart...

... Then the green-eyed monster reared its ugly head again, and she couldn't ignore the fact that Terri was in Jack's arms, that he had pulled her into them, that her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck. She was so tiny, Gabrielle had realised what five-four and what, fifty kilograms equated to until she saw Terri in Jack's arms, looking so tiny and fragile, looking like she needed to be comforted and projected... while she, Gabrielle, five-ten and nearly eighty kilos, looked like she could handle herself. Especially when she shared some of the blame for Lucy's injuries.

She spun on her heel and walked off, taking refuge in her office while Jack took Terri to the tea room. Zoe gave everyone instruction to leave the three of them be for the time being.

"It's not what it looks like," Rachel offered Gabrielle when she joined her in the office the woman shared with Zoe and Frank. Gabrielle liked her and besides, Rachel knew that she and Zoe were the only two people in the ward that Gabrielle had one hundred percent on her side, so she figured that Zoe's instruction for everyone to leave them alone didn't apply to her. "I mean, you know it doesn't mean anything, don't you? He's just worried about Lucy."

"I know," Gabrielle said. "I mean, I get it in my head, but whenever I see them together... you have _no idea_ what it's like trying to live up to the legend of that woman." She looked off in the distance, recalling something. "Frank once asked me how was it different working with Terri than it was working with you or Charlotte."

Rachel made a face. The answer was obvious. "Jack never cared about me. _Everyone_ knows that. He cares about Charlotte, but not romantically. But Terri..." There was no need to finish that sentence, and besides, Rachel had no idea exactly how Jack had felt about Terri. She had heard the rumours, of course. And the proposal was true, she knew that much. No matter how much you chalked it up to be a 'dumb, infatuated kid' as Jack referred to himself during his Terri-pursuing days – and he had been twenty-four, that was a pretty old 'kid' – buying engagement rings was not something you did every day. "But he's crazy about you. I don't know what he was like with Terri, but it can't have been close to what he's like with you. You shouldn't let it get you down that he has history with her." Although they both knew that was easier said than done.

Lucy had been lucky. Gabrielle had been driving at less than ten kilometres an hour when she'd hit her, so the only damage was a hairline fracture to her temple and a mild concussion. No internal bleeding, no damage to her spine. Nonetheless, they wanted to keep her in overnight for observation.

"Why don't I take you home?" Jack suggested to Terri. "She's in the best hands – you _know_ that everyone who remembers you or Mitch will be in here constantly to check on her regardless of which ward they actually work in – and you need to get some decent rest. And you're no good to her stressed. They'll call you if anything changes." After saying goodbye to Lucy and promising that he would be in to see her and take her home the next day, Jack led Terri out of the hospital and to his car.

"You upgraded," Terri said dully when he helped her into the passenger's seat.

He had almost forgotten the piece of junk that he used to drive. "Mike threatened to fire me if I continued to make all surgeons look bad by driving what he called a tin can on wheels," he said. "And Bec said it completely negated the purpose of having a surgeon brother she could brag about if I drove around in something that looked ready for the junk yard."

Terri laughed hollowly at that. "She means a lot to you, doesn't she?" she asked.

"Never thought I'd have family that meant so much to me."

"She doesn't like me much," Terri said flatly. It wasn't a question.

"It's not that she doesn't like you... it's that she and Gabrielle get along really well. Bec will do anything for someone she thinks will make me happy and will do her best to destroy anyone who she thinks won't." He spoke the last few words with laughter in his voice, remembering how she had humiliated Deanna. He had wanted to throttle her at the time, but he had long since realised that not only had she had his best interest at heart, but that she had also been right.

"Sometimes I wish I had never taken this position," Terri admitted on the drive home. Jack's words about his sister had sunk deep into her brain. She had chalked up the younger girl's aloofness to an age gap – as scary as the thought was, she was actually old enough to be Rebecca's mother – but it made more sense now. She didn't like Terri because she liked Gabrielle.

"How do you mean? You're a great nurse and you have so much history here."

"That's just it. I have a lot of friends here... but a day doesn't go by when someone tells me how brilliant Gabrielle is and how no-one handles Frank like she does... or you, for that matter. It's not fun to constantly hear that someone's doing a far better job than you, both as NUM and girlfriend, on a daily occasion."

He had heard so much from Gabrielle about resenting Terri's legendary status within the hospital that it had never occurred to him that _Terri_ might feel insecure over how many people held _Gabrielle_ in high regard. And that was true enough. Not only did she know how to handle Frank and had known how to handle Jack even before they had gotten together, but she had a special talent for getting what she needed out of admin – even Oliver Marone – without completely surrendering. "You sort of have to understand how bad it was when Frank was carousing around the world and left Gabby and Zoe to run the ward," he explained. "He took shameless advantage of the fact that they were both new to the hospital and eager to prove themselves. He would never have jerked you around like that – or even Nelson – but it meant they had to rise to the occasion... and they did it remarkably well," he admitted.

"Zoe doesn't like me." _That_ was definitely a statement.

"Zoe doesn't know you." Though Jack knew Terri was onto something. It wasn't that Zoe disliked Terri, it was that she disliked the way Terri's reappearance had unsettled things in the ward. The way Dan had failed to immediately recognise Gabrielle's orders as superior to Terri's was one of the many hiccups – small and large – that had been upsetting the flow of the ED. It wasn't anyone's fault and it wasn't fair but it meant that old loyalties were clashing with new ones, and that was never a good thing in an ongoing life-and-death situation. "I haven't handled things as well as I could have," Jack said out loud.

"How do you mean?"

"You. Gabrielle. Should have told you about us in the beginning. Should have made time for Lucy. I was a jerk all around."

"Oh, Jack. You weren't a jerk. It's a lousy situation for a lot of people... including you." Terri intended to squeeze his leg in sympathy because she didn't want to squeeze his arm while he was driving, but the display of affection felt a lot more sexual than she had meant it to be.

He stopped in front of Terri's house – still the place she had shared with Mitch, where he himself had spent many a night on account that she had been way beyond the tiny duplex he had lived in and disliked spending the night at his place – and killed the engine. "Try to get some rest," he said gruffly. He was grateful she had taken her hand off his leg; it felt uncomfortable, and not in a physical way.

"Won't you... please come in?" she asked in a timid voice. "Stay with me, please, Jack. I don't want to be alone."

He hated to refuse her such a small request when she was so distraught, but... "I can't," he said regretfully. "I need to get back to Gabrielle."

"She hit my daughter with a four-wheel-drive, Jack," Terri reminded him. "I think she's worn out the put-upon girlfriend card. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so bitchy," she said when she saw Jack tense visibly, even in the darkness. "I just... I don't want to fall asleep alone. Please won't you stay with me? Just until I fall asleep?"

"OK," he agreed with some reluctance. He followed Terri inside, remembering, despite himself, the first time they had slept together. He had been pursuing her for weeks and had finally been on the point of giving up after a long, chaotic day when he had lost a patient to radiation poisoning. He must have done something to impress her that day, because she had invited him in after they had caught a taxi home.

_Stop it_, he ordered himself. Things with Gabrielle were shaky enough as it was, he didn't need to start reliving old memories.

He waited in the living room while Terri showered and changed before following her into the bedroom. _The bedroom_. He remembered it all too well. He also remembered how many times Terri had lain in his arms after sex, silently wishing that she was with Mitch. "Something on your mind?" she asked casually when she saw the distant look in his eyes.

"Just thinking about the past," he said, and he found himself telling her about how he'd known when she would lie in his arms and pretend she was with Mitch. "I know you were never much of a novel reader, but it was like being in _Gone With the Wind_ with Rhett trying to make Scarlett love him."

"Saw the movie. Always thought she was a bit of a bitch," Terri said. Then, "I'm sorry, Jack. I honestly didn't know that my feelings were so obvious."

"I got over it. Hey, I'm living with someone and working with their childhood sweetheart, you've _got_ to have faith in love to do that, don't you?" he asked with a grin.

It made her feel a little better in spirits to know that she hadn't caused any permanent damage.

She got into bed and he allowed her to cuddle up to him. He prattled aimlessly for a while until he felt her fall asleep in his arms and then he got up and located the keys she had left for him and let himself out.

He got home to find Gabrielle on the couch, obviously drunk. "Before you say anything, she's distraught," Jack said, not in the mood to hear a barrage of insults about him spending time with Terri. "I couldn't just leave her alone like that. I only stayed until she fell asleep. Nothing happened. Actually, she talked a lot about you and how sorry she is that her coming back has caused so much trouble."

"I know," Gabrielle said. It had been what Rachel had said more than anything else that had settled in her mind. Rachel had every reason to hate both her and Jack, and yet she was one of their greatest supporters, because she knew from personal experience that it took someone special to make Jack happy... and that she wasn't it, and neither was Terri. Her face scrunched up and she started to cry. "I don't know what's wrong with me, Jack. I was never like this with Steve. There's something about her that makes me feel like I'm just a human being trying to compete with a goddamn _saint_. In my head I _know_ that she's not trying to undermine my position and I _know_ that she's not trying to steal you away from me, but... I can never shake this feeling that she is. And now everyone thinks that I tried to kill her daughter."

"For what it's worth, I know you didn't," Jack said. "Not intentionally, not unconsciously. And so do a lot of people." 'A lot' only being Zoe and Rachel for the time being, but Jack was sure that in time, people would realise how stupid it sounded for Gabrielle to run down a so-called 'rival's' child. Not that that really mattered right now. Hearing Gabrielle's words meant so much to him. He scooted over to the couch and pulled her into his arms and she didn't try to resist. "I know it's a crap situation and I've handled it badly and I'll try to do better in the future... but you know I love you and that there's no-one else for me, yeah?" She nodded against his chest, and he kissed the top of her head.

He let her cry into his chest until her sobs had subsided, then picked her up and carried her to bed. Neither of them were in the mood for sex, but she seemed to welcome his embrace when he cuddled up to her, and for now, that was enough.


	6. Chapter 6

"Charlotte, can you tell me something honestly?"

"Depends what it is," Charlotte said cautiously. Since she had gotten her fellowship, she and Zoe had settled into an uneasy truce. Zoe treated her as more of an equal, even though she was still her boss, but Charlotte was still a little resentful that firstly, Zoe had been promoted over her even though she had dedicated so much of herself to this ED, and secondly because the budget couldn't stretch to pay for _two_ fellows – three, counting Frank himself – no when they were already paying for a 2IC. Zoe's promotion meant she couldn't be paid as a fellow, so to Charlotte's thinking, Zoe was getting paid _both_ their fellowship rates while she, Charlotte, could only be paid as a registrar.

Zoe ignored the slight sullenness in Charlotte's voice. She could kind of understand why Charlotte resented her – she had given so much to this ward only to have a newcomer promoted over her and now there was no money in the kitty to give her the raise she deserved as a fellow. But what could any of them do about it and what was her being sullen going to achieve? "You know Jack and Terri better than me. How, um..." she trailed off, trying to think of the words.

"How strong do I think his relationship with Gabrielle is?" Charlotte asked. Zoe nodded guiltily. She had noticed the strained body language between the two. Now that she knew they had been together since before Christmas, it explained why they had both been a lot happier... and why Jack in particular seemed a lot more settled. Ever since Terri Sullivan had been back, things had clearly been strained between the lovers.

Every day, Zoe was more baffled as to why Frank had hired Terri. Maybe he couldn't have foreseen exactly the aggro that would come about from Terri being back, but how could he have thought it was a good idea? She knew Dan sometimes got confused as to who he was taking orders from, and while that was Dan's fault, not Terri's, having Terri as Gabrielle's subordinate was never going to be a good thing, and it was unfathomable to Zoe how Frank could ever have thought it would be.

Charlotte bit her lip, trying to find the words. Like Zoe, she had noticed that Jack was happier, more settled, and so was Gabrielle – she had chalked it up to them having a good camaraderie and she being a better fit for him as a housemate than Dan. She had been surprised when Jack had moved in with Dan. The two men had gotten on well, but had had so little in common, and Dan was a compulsive gossip. Not to mention he had a knack of forgetting that he _had_ someone else living in the house when it came to his love life. Whereas Jack and Gabrielle had always had a good rapport, even from when she had first started and he had been a little skittish around her. So Charlotte had just chalked up their obvious happiness to them being a good fit for each other. Instead, it turned out, they had been involved with one another – living together in every sense of the word.

Since Terri had been back, things were obviously strained between Jack and Gabrielle. Not even Charlotte, loyal to Terri that she was, could deny that her presence had a disruptive effect on Jack and Gabrielle's relationship. Not that it was her fault, of course. If he'd been upfront about being in a relationship, Terri would never have thought there was chance of a reconciliation between her and Jack. And Gabrielle wasn't helping matters in the possessive way she was behaving - the tacky PDAs that you would expect from a teenager, the intentional lousy shifts. No-one believed that Gabrielle had intentionally run Lucy over, but there were plenty that suggested in hushed whispers that she might have done it subconsciously, wanting to sever the invisible thread that drew Jack to Terri via Lucy.

God, this was all such a mess. Made worse by the fact that Jack was making no secret of the fact that he regularly saw Lucy now, and that Gabrielle was obviously not happy, but there was nothing she could do about without looking like a heartless bitch. People still remembered how devoted he had been to Lucy, how infatuated he had been with Terri... and how Gabrielle had run over Terri's little girl.

"You think he might leave Gabrielle for Terri?" Charlotte asked quietly. Zoe nodded silently. There, the words were out in the open. There was a long pause. "I remember when Jack and Terri were together. He was infatuated with her, and he thought he loved her... but he didn't, not the way he loves Gabrielle. And she's good for him, and I think he knows that. And I think he knows that what he felt for Terri was infatuation with maybe a little real love thrown in. If it was just a choice between the two of them, there is no choice. It's Gabrielle."

"But it's _not_ just a choice between the two of them," Zoe said, following Charlotte's logic. "It's a choice between Gabrielle on the one hand and Terri and Lucy on the other," she said.

Charlotte nodded. "I didn't realise until much later just how hard he took my miscarriage, and how hard he took my pregnancy. He loves children and wants his own. And I don't think them being biological is that important to him. Look at the way he adores Zach." Charlotte wasn't about to go into the details of Jack's troubled childhood with an alcoholic, womanising father who had clearly been at the pub with his equally horrid mates when Life had been handing out lessons on how to be a decent human being. Jack knew better than most that genes frequently counted for squat, and because of that, children that were biologically his weren't hugely important to him. Adoption or step-children would do just as well for him.

And for all that Jack loved Gabrielle more than he had loved Terri, although Gabrielle was far better for Jack than Terri ever had been, Terri had one major advantage over Gabrielle, and that was Lucy. He loved the little girl as if she was his own, and she, in turn, loved him as if he were her father. Gabrielle could love him, could be perfect for him, but she could never compete with Terri in that regard.

Zoe's heart sank. Without realising, she had already thought of that, and Charlotte was only confirming her worst fears. "You really think he would – "

"Oh, he won't cheat on her, if that's what you mean. He'll stick it out for as long as he can – and Gabrielle's not making things easy for him with her jealousy – but if the situation stays as it is, I think his feelings for Lucy will eventually grind down his loyalty to Gabrielle and he'll just leave. He's twenty-eight, Zoe, and it's been over three years since I miscarried. That's a long time to think about how much he wants children."

"I see." Everything Charlotte was saying made perfect sense to Zoe. Jack had too much integrity to cheat on Gabrielle, but given enough time, enough longing to be a father, and the package Terri was offering him would look pretty tempting. And there was nothing she could think of that would help Gabrielle.

Gabrielle had been about to go into the office when she had overheard Charlotte and Zoe talking. She wasn't in the mood to talk to Charlotte. Once, they had been good friends, but ever since Terri had come back – damnit, it seemed it so many cases that the relationships she had forged with people, both professional and personal, had merely been as a substitute for Terri and now that Terri was back, she was of no further use. Charlotte, Dan, Jack... she watched, day after day, silently seething as Jack lavished attention on Lucy – and by extension, Terri – and there was nothing she could do or say without looking like a heartless bitch. Charlotte especially had been cool towards her since the collision, and Gabrielle wondered if Charlotte was among the people who thought she might have subconsciously collided with the girl out of jealousy and resentment.

So she decided to wait until Charlotte was gone, and she overheard every word of the conversation, her heart sinking further and her body feeling colder with every passing second. So Charlotte didn't think their relationship would last, that eventually he would choose Terri and Lucy over her... tears pricked her eyes. She knew exactly what Charlotte was talking about. She knew how much he loved children. She knew that having biological children wasn't nearly as important as having children, and that Lucy filled his need perfectly.

And she had exacerbated that by holding him at arm's length, refusing him anything more sexual than a hug, a peck on the cheek...

She leaned against the wall, her leg's ability to support her weight suddenly vanished. _She... was... losing... him_. And as convenient as it was to blame Terri for it, blame Frank for inviting her back, she knew she had to accept responsibility for pushing Jack away. He was a very sexy man and she had first deprived him, then teased him to make a point to Terri. It was a wonder he hadn't already left. It was a wonder that following Lucy's recovery, the three of them playing happy families, that Terri's pleasure at having him around and his instant family pleasantly contrasted with Gabrielle's aloofness. How many times had he been with Terri and Lucy and thought that he could be happy with them? How many times had he remembered Gabrielle kept punishing him for one kiss that he hadn't even instigated, and been resentful?

She was losing him, and she had to do something to get him back.

* * *

Jack got home that evening to find Gabrielle on the couch, tucked up in her satin nightgown, watching _Buffy_. He sat down beside her and kissed her chastely on the cheek. "Hey," he said.

"Hey," she replied. She tried to remember the last time Jack had even _tried_ to get more than a chaste kiss out of her... not since a few days after his birthday, when he had kissed Terri and she had made it clear in no uncertain terms that she didn't want him to touch her sexually. That had been weeks ago. It suddenly hit her that Jack had stuck around despite the fact that she had held him at arm's length week after week, been petty and small about Terri... she could cry for how close she had come to losing him.

There was still time, she thought. He had stuck around so far, which meant he had to be pretty crazy about her. He had put up with her insecurities, her pettiness, her refusal to have anything to do with his sexual desires. She cuddled up to him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Jack was surprised when she cuddled up to him, but pleasantly so. It had been weeks since Gabrielle had instigated any affection – ever since his birthday. But he wasn't about to question it and risk her pulling away from him. Instead, he wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed the side of her head.

She realised that she had to make the first move; she had scared Jack away from coming onto her again. So she kissed him, deeply, passionately, pushing herself against him, running her fingers through his hair, searching out his tongue with her own. Jack sat there passively for a few seconds before he responded with a hunger that frightened her a tiny bit. He lashed his tongue in her mouth and wrapped his fingers around her arm so tightly that she would have cried out if his mouth wasn't fused to hers. But she didn't pull away.

After a few seconds he pulled away, breathing heavily. "Is this another one of your games?" he asked. "'Cos I'm not interested in being fucked around again."

"It's not, I promise," she said, realising how much she had screwed with him in the last few weeks... particularly in getting him all hot and bothered just to make some stupid point to Terri. She kissed him again and trailed her hand down his chest, undoing the buttons on his shirt as she went, resting it provocatively on his crotch.

Instant reaction. Jack groaned. He couldn't remember being this horny since he'd been sixteen... and he remembered _that_ experience very well. He'd lasted an embarrassing thirty seconds, and something told him he wasn't going to last much longer this time. "Gabrielle," he grunted when she undid the button on his jeans. "I can't – I won't – " he stumbled over his words.

She smiled, a touch wickedly. Jack had a high sex drive and being held at arm's length for weeks on end couldn't have been easy on him. She stroked him lightly through his jeans, and he cried out in raw, undisguised lust. He was tightly wound and it wouldn't take much provocation to tip him over the edge. It gave her a thrill to know that she could make him feel that way. "Don't worry," she said in as sexy a voice as she could manage. "Just lie back and enjoy yourself."

She pulled down his jeans and boxers in one fluid movement so all he was wearing was his unbuttoned shirt. His erection was apparent, so apparent that Gabrielle had to wonder if being deprived for several weeks had made him even harder than usual. She stroked him lightly with her fingers, and he responded with groans and clawing at the couch cover. "Gabby, please," he groaned, and if he wasn't so worked up, he'd be embarrassed to hear himself begging.

She grinned wickedly again, enjoying having him beg. _Mustn't let him wait too long_, she thought. After all, she had made him wait plenty enough as it was. Obligingly, she took him in her mouth with the knack she had of taking him all the way in, cupping his balls with one hand and massaging them the way he liked. She pulled her hair out of the elastic band holding it away from her face so it fanned out across his thighs the way he liked. Their relationship had been strained for the last month, but the four months before _that_ had been wonderful, and she had learnt a lot about what he liked and what turned him on.

She had been prepared for a strong response from him, but even _she_ was overwhelmed at just how strong it was. He grunted, sounding more like an animal than a man, and involuntarily thrust hard into her mouth. He brought his hands from the couch to her shoulders for leverage and started pumping her mouth hard and fast, his mind completely detached from anything but achieving the release he'd been denied for weeks. She struggled to keep up with him as he thrust and withdrew, thrust and withdrew, and the animal-like grunts he was making filled her ears. After what felt like an eternity but was actually less than a minute, Jack released an inhuman scream, thrust hard and deep and came, flowing into her mouth with such force that Gabrielle wished she hadn't wasted it by first giving him a blow job.

When he was finished, she got up to rinse her mouth out but Jack grabbed her and pulled her into his lap. He didn't say anything, just held her tightly, but she could feel him shaking. "I'll go rinse my mouth out," she said. "Why don't I meet you in the bedroom?"

Jack nodded and let her go. He stayed on the couch for a minute, willing his body to return the blood circulation to enough normality that he could walk. When it did, he pulled his boxers up and padded into the bedroom that he'd barely slept in this past month.

It wasn't long before Gabrielle joined him. He eyed her hungrily. That nightie left little to the imagination. The outline of her breasts were clearly visible, and the short length – stopping at her thighs – allowed Jack to remember just how much strength she had in her legs and just how tightly she could wrap them around his waist. "Come here," he directed her, and she went over to the bed, sitting down next to Jack. Now that she had made up her mind to give him what he wanted, now that they were actually here and she had already instigated things with a blow job – she felt nervous. She didn't know how she would feel when they actually did it, when he held her the way he wanted to, kissed her the way he wanted to, undressed her and –

Her thoughts were interrupted by Jack's mouth on hers, kissing her hungrily, giving her no opportunity to refuse him with both his superior strength and red-hot desire. She had forgotten just what a sexy man he was... and how good a kisser he was. She had thought that maybe she would feel revulsion when he kissed her, when he touched her, unable to banish thoughts of him and Terri, but... she groaned when he started kissing her face and neck, and didn't protest when he started sucking on her neck. She knew it would leave a mark tomorrow but she didn't care. "Jack!" she cried out. She grabbed his hair and yanked his head up to he could kiss her again. "Jack..." she moaned between kisses. She ran her hands up and down his back, across his shoulders, digging her nails in, leaving marks of her own...

Jack let his hands wander her body over the skimpy satin material, then brought them up to the neckline and ripped it cleanly down the middle. He kissed one breast and fondled the other with his hand, then swapped, feeling her nipples harden under his touch, loving the way she arched her back and pushed her breasts into his mouth and hands, crying his name as she did. This was a far cry from the woman who would barely let him touch her a few days before. Whatever had gotten into her, he liked it.

He moved slowly down her body, reacquainting himself with every bit of flesh on her body, moving further and further down until he was at the waistline of her g-string. Slowly he pulled it down until he had removed it completely and discarded it on the floor, then proceeded to work his way back up her legs until she was trembling with anticipation. Now it was her turn to beg. "Jack, please..."

He took his time, but when he started it was worth the wait. Soon she was groaning and writhing under Jack's expert touch. For half an hour he went down on her, bringing her to climax three times until she was crying from both ecstasy and encroaching exhaustion.

But Jack wasn't giving her the opportunity to be exhausted. Calmly he stood up as if the ache in his groin didn't exist – how could he be so hard again less than an hour later? But then, Gabrielle had always had that knack of bringing it out in him – and pulled his boxers down to reveal that he was well and truly ready to go again. She held out her arms to him and spread her legs in a silent confirmation that she wanted it as much as he did.

And she did, she was a little surprised to realise. It had started as a determination to swallow her pride and ill feelings in order to keep Jack from getting tired and leaving her, but now... she had forgotten how sensual he was, how he brought out her own sensuality. She wanted him inside her.

He knelt between her legs, feeling a little hesitant. He didn't know why she had changed her mind about intimacy, and while he was pleased, he was a little apprehensive about _why_. Had something been said or done, if not by him, than by someone else? Or had she merely been doing a lot of thinking and realised she wasn't being fair?

Sensing his apprehension, Gabrielle reached out and stroked the length of his erection, bringing Jack squarely back to the reality – and his red-hot desire, throbbing to the point of being painful. He remembered her slick womanhood, well and truly ready for him, and suddenly nothing else mattered but being inside her. He plunged inside her, burying himself to the hilt in her warm wetness, surrounding himself with her, the sensation feeling like more than just physical penetration, feeling sacred, spiritual.

"Jack!" she gasped when he filled her up. She had forgotten how good he felt inside her – forgotten the sensation of his manhood filling her up in a way that was more than just physical. She wrapped her legs around his waist the way he liked and wrapped her arms around his back, fusing her body to his, trying to get closer to him than was humanly possible, trying to get him deeper inside her than nature allowed. "Jack, Oh, God..."

He began thrusting and he felt something take over him. Always someone who liked to be in control – especially when it came to his own body – Jack found himself not caring about anything but the sensation of being inside her, having her wrapped around him, filling her up, relinquishing control to his desire and aware of nothing else than how good it felt. "I love you," he whispered as pumped her. "Oh, God, I love you..."

He climaxed with a shudder and collapsed on top of her, for once unmindful of the weight against her smaller body. She didn't say anything, barely even registered it, as she held him tightly as he buried his face in her neck. She was vaguely aware that he was trembling, and the knowledge gave her a thrill. "I swear I'll never even _look_ at another woman again," he promised her.

"I don't care if you _look_... just don't _touch_," she told him gently. He nodded slightly against her neck and continued to cling to her. It was then she realised how much he needed her, wanted her, loved her, how scared he had been about losing her.

She thought about the pill prescription sitting in her bathroom cabinet, untouched for two days. Realising the depth of Jack's feelings and fears didn't make her question what she was doing. Nor did the morality. She knew Jack wanted children. She knew he still felt the loss of his and Charlotte's daughter, and if he had come to terms with _that_ pregnancy and all its consequences, eventually even looked forward to being a dad, then how much joy could she bring him by giving him children within a loving, stable relationship? He would never known that she had planned it. He would only know how happy it made him.

She knew that the accumulated effects of the hormone after years of use meant after two days, it was still largely effective. That didn't stop her from hoping. After all, he had managed to get Charlotte pregnant in just one night, and she was ten years younger then Charlotte had been at the time. Who was to say that it couldn't have happened just then? Or in the following days. Jack had a high sex drive and had already demonstrated his potency. Now that Gabrielle had set her mind on becoming pregnant, she wanted it to happen as soon as possible.

Jack stretched languorously. He couldn't remember feeling this contented. "I'm going to have a shower," he said, that familiar glint in his eyes. "You want to join me?"

"You can't be serious," Gabrielle said, although she knew by now she should be used to Jack's recovery speed.

"I have a month's worth of sex to catch up on," he protested. "Of course I'm serious."

Gabrielle laughed. Trust Jack to think of it in those terms. And he was only helping her cause – and his, too, even if he didn't know it. "Get the shower started," she said. "I'll be there in a minute."

* * *

"You look happy," Terri commented the next day. Jack made a mumbling sound in confirmation. "Things going well with Gabrielle?" she asked. She was always torn when it came to Jack and Gabrielle's relationship. On the one hand, he was a friend who meant a lot to her, and she wanted him to be happy, and by all accounts, Gabrielle made him happy. But on the other, nothing would make her like Gabrielle, let alone trust her, after Gabrielle had run Lucy over. Terri got that Gabrielle hadn't done it intentionally – at least, that she hadn't set out to run the little girl over, although that left a lot of room for her to have been so full of resentment that she had done in unconsciously – but she was still very wary around the younger woman. What mother wouldn't be? The result was that while Jack might be happier when he was on good terms with Gabrielle, it was better for Lucy when he wasn't because he had more time for her.

For both of them. Because Terri couldn't deny that she liked having Jack around. She missed male companionship. She had missed it even when they had broken up – hence their reconciliation – and now that she had witnessed this far more mature, settled Jack, she loved having him around. And it was a huge shame that he came with a girlfriend who Terri knew she would never like or trust... and could barely respect on a professional level, let alone a personal one.

"Things are fine," Jack said, feeling the blood creep into his cheeks. He was a hard man to fluster, but just thinking about Gabrielle last night... whatever had made her decide that he had been punished enough for his indiscretion, Jack approved. She had always been quite open-minded sexually – surprisingly so, for a country girl with limited experience – but she seemed to be surpassing herself. Or maybe it was just that he hadn't had sex in a month so _anything_ seemed like a revelation at the moment.

Terri took note of the fact Jack was blushing and figured Gabrielle must have let him back into the bedroom. It had been obvious to the entire ward, even though neither Jack or Gabrielle had said anything, that they had stopped sleeping together. She suppressed the urge to frown so Jack wouldn't take note of her _own_ reaction. Was Gabrielle playing some manipulative game, using sex to keep Jack in line? Terri despised manipulators, especially those who used sex and other weapons of intimacy to keep their men by their sides. Three years of Rose Carlton and she had no stomach for such women.

"Hey, listen, are we still on for tomorrow?" she asked, already knowing what the answer.

Jack's brow furrowed, trying to remember. Breakfast with Terri and Lucy and a day at the park and beach. "Crap," he said. He had agreed to it a few days ago when Gabrielle had still been holding him at arm's length. Both working shiftwork, he and Terri almost _never_ had a weekend day off together. It was even rarer than having a weekend day off with Gabrielle, because Gabrielle got _every_ weekend off. He had promised Terri this Saturday precisely because it meant the three of them could spend the whole day together. "I completely forgot. I, uh, told Gabrielle I'd spent the day with her."

"Jack..." Terri admonished gently.

Jack immediately tensed up. He knew he was being a jerk, but things were finally good between him and Gabrielle and he wasn't about to reneg on a promise to spend the day with her – even though it was actually _Terri_ he was reneging on. "I can't," he said.

"You promised Lucy you'd take her to the pound," Terri reminded him.

Damn, he had too. Lucy wanted a dog, and Terri and Jack were in agreement that it should come from the pound. "I'll take her... Wednesday," he said, mentally cycling through his next day off.

"She has piano practice on Wednesday."

_Damn_. Jack raked his fingers through his hair. "Look, I'll make it up to you – both of you," he promised. "Just not tomorrow. Things are _finally_ good between Gabby and I and if I bail on her to – " he floundered, scrambling for words.

"To spend time with a child that sees you as a father-figure because said child is the daughter of an ex that she's pathologically jealous of?" Terri offered.

"She's not pathologically jealous," Jack defended Gabrielle, knowing in his heart that while 'pathologically jealous' might be overstating it, Gabrielle was _definitely_ more than a touch insecure. "Look, I'd appreciate it if you laid off me, OK? You might be a legend around here, but she's still your boss... and my girlfriend." And with that he walked off, leaving Terri thinking that Gabrielle was _definitely_ using sex to manipulate him.

Jack rested his head on Gabrielle's shoulder. She was sitting on his lap in Cougars, allowing him to trace random shapes across her abdomen under her shirt. It had been a month now since she had forgiven him for his kiss with Terri, and things couldn't be more wonderful. He had everything that he had wanted before Terri had come back – namely, a public relationship with Gabrielle. Whatever insecurities she had felt when Terri had come back appeared to have dissipated – or at least been put on the backburner. The two women had a professional, if somewhat cool, relationship. Jack accepted that after colliding with Lucy, Terri would never embrace more than a professional relationship with Gabrielle, but at least they got on in the workplace. And Gabrielle allowed him to hold her hand and kiss her in public – embraced it even, which was the most important thing as far as Jack was concerned.

Well, after their strenuous sex life. He'd always had a high sex drive, but with Gabrielle he found he could perform sometimes five or six times a day. She was _always_ willing to accommodate him when the was the slightest bit turned on, always open to new ideas – he knew he would have shocked Terri into an early grave, or at least another heart murmur, if he'd suggested some of the things to her that he and Gabrielle did together.

And best of all, Gabrielle seemed to have acquired a tolerance for his relationship with Terri and Lucy. She even accepted that Terri wanted Gabrielle to have nothing to do with Lucy, which meant that sometimes Jack was going to spend a day or afternoon with Terri and Lucy like they were one happy family. He was grateful that Gabrielle was pragmatic enough to realise that demanding his exclusive affection would only hurt everyone in the long run.

He wasn't to realise that Gabrielle had taken a long-sighted view of the matter. She knew that his own flesh-and-blood child would trump his relationship with Lucy, and that that was the strongest claim Terri had to him. She resented his relationship with Terri and Lucy no less than she had when they had first come back from Scotland, but she had realised she couldn't show it. Better to let Jack realise for himself that Gabrielle and their children were far more important to him then Terri and Lucy.

* * *

She sipped her beer slowly. She didn't want to arouse anyone's suspicions by not drinking _any_ alcohol, but thanks to Steve, she had never been much of a drinker anyway, and no-one commented that she had been nursing the same middy for the last half hour. She leaned back and rested her head against Jack's shoulder, letting him kiss her arched neck. He had been so affectionate in the past month, to a point that she felt bad for making him wait four months before they had come out publicly. Jack was someone who liked holding hands and kissing in public, and she had deprived him of that. Now that he had what he wanted, everyone commented about how happy he appeared, and that made Gabrielle feel pleased.

It had been a month now since she had resumed sexual intimacy with Jack, and her period was late. She didn't want to get her hopes up, but... she blushed a little to think about how frequently they had done the deed in the past month. She had been surprised and pleased at how frequently Jack could get it up with her – he had said so himself, and it was a major ego boost to know that his sex drive was higher with her, unsophisticated country girl, than it had been with however many other women there had been – Gabrielle had never cared to know the exact number – sophisticated, experienced women. It did her confidence the world of good to know she had something that made Jack happier then he had been with anyone else. If it wasn't for having Terri, Saint Terese Sullivan, legendary wife, girlfriend, mother and nurse, in her face _constantly_, Gabrielle would feel completely happy and settled.

She couldn't help but let a small frown mar her face. Something had happened to the ward in the last two months, and Gabrielle knew Terri had played a part in it. A big part. She knew Zoe resented both Terri's presence in the ward as well as the fact that Frank had hired her despite know how it could affect the existing dynamics of the staff and the ward – a staff and ward that gelled well together, despite Frank's somewhat unorthodox management methods.

The main problem was that Terri and Charlotte had fallen back into their personal and professional pattern from when Terri had been the NUM and Charlotte had been the most senior physician on the ward after Frank. It was a similar one to that which Gabrielle and Zoe enjoyed... except Terri and Charlotte often appeared to have missed the memo that they were no longer the NUM and second most senior doctor. It wasn't a deliberate flout of the food chain, just the way they worked together. And they worked together well, it was just that the way they worked together undermined their professional relationships with Gabrielle and Zoe. And both Gabrielle and Zoe knew it.

Eighteen months ago, when Frank had been traipsing around the world after Eve and then fussing over Bart, it had been Gabrielle and Zoe who had held the ward together. It was largely for that reason that Frank had created the 2IC position for Zoe. But he seemed to have forgotten his gratitude and did little to tell Terri and Charlotte to respect that they had superiors to answer to rather than just carrying on in their own little way that was suited to their friendship but not the ward's hierarchy.

Gabrielle shook her head as if to clear it of the cobwebs of resentment that easily took hold. No point in getting angry. She had to put on a cheery face and hold onto what was rightfully hers. Appearing sullen and resentful compared to Terri's serene maturity was purpose defeating. She took another sip of her drink and focused on the random patterns Jack was tracing on her skin with his fingers.

They left an hour later, holding hands. Jack was feeling high, partly because Gabrielle's disinclination towards drinking a lot mean she was usually skipper which meant he could drink more, and partly from watching the engaged Dan and Erica. They were so obviously happy together, and Jack was happy _for_ them... but seeing them together made him think of his own desire for a family. This past month with Gabrielle had been wonderful – the public affection, the private life together. He knew he wouldn't find someone who made him as happy as Gabrielle did.

As if sensing that Jack was thinking well of her, she squeezed his hand. "Happy?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said contentedly.

It was a pity she was driving, she thought, because she had discovered how much it turned Jack on when she slid her hand over his crotch while he was driving. Once she had done it on the way home from grocery shopping, and it had gotten him so worked up that he had marched her into the house as soon as they got home and taken her quickly hard and fast against the inside of the front door. Besides, he seemed in quite a mellow look – partly because he'd put away four pints, but she sensed something else at work – and when he got like this, she knew he was in the mood for a slow seduction.

Four months of together and then the past month of constant sex and Gabrielle was very in tune with what Jack preferred in any given mood. They had been together almost six months now; they were planning a week away to celebrate. She shivered when Jack spun her around so she was facing him and kissed her deeply. Six months and she still couldn't get over what a great kisser he was... what a great lover... what a great boyfriend... and what a great father he _would_ be. Passively, she allowed him to pick her up and carry her into the bedroom where he took his time making love to her, his slow, luxurious efforts belied by the film of sweat they were both covered in by the time they were finished.

Jack lay awake after Gabrielle had gone to sleep in his arms, thinking about their relationship as he drifted off. They had been together almost six months now and he found himself wanting something more permanent, more legal than what they had at the moment – which, legally, was that of boyfriend/girlfriend since they had a tenancy contract which said they weren't anything else. They both knew that, contract be damned, they _were_ in a de facto relationship, but Jack found himself increasingly wanting more than just a girlfriend. He had found the love of his life and he knew it wasn't going to get better than this.

He wanted to marry her.

* * *

"Jack, can you stay back today?" Frank asked. When Frank asked something like that, it was actually a statement, not a request, but Jack had no intention of staying back a minute more than he was rostered to do.

"Sorry, Frank, I need to go to the bank."

"There are ATMs and online banking," Frank said, who hadn't stepped foot inside a bank in over five years. He got enough aggro from the admin bullies and pencil-pushers of the hospital, he didn't need to go _looking_ for it.

"Duh. I need to get to my safe deposit box. Find a way I can do _that_ online and I'll stay."

"Can't Gabrielle do it?"

Jack suppressed the desire to laugh. "The thing about safe deposit boxes, Frank, is that they tend not to let just anyone into them." Besides, he didn't want Gabrielle running this particular errand for him. "I'm going at three, I don't care _what_ comes through the door."

At luck would have it, it was a quiet day – well, as quiet as EDs in major metropolitan hospitals got, the usual assortment of broken limbs, respiratory problems and motor vehicle collisions, but nothing that kept Jack from going on time. By the time three o'clock came around, he was eager to get out of there. "What's he got in that safe deposit box that he's so eager to get?" Frank grumbled to no-one in particular, put out that Jack refused to stay, even when it turned out that he wasn't needed.

"I have some idea," Terri said mysteriously. Frank looked even more put out when she refused to say anything more than that.

"I want to buy it off you," Terri said to Jack the next day.

"Buy what off me?"

"The ring."

"What ring?"

Terri wondered if Jack was deliberately being coy or really was distracted. "The engagement ring you're selling. I want to buy it off you."

"Oh, that." Jack's tone told her he really hadn't known what she was talking about; so that must mean he had been distracted. "How did you know?" he asked.

"Figured you don't have a lot of stuff that you keep stashed in a safe deposit box in a bank. I'm curious, though, do you actually need to raise the cash for a new ring or are you getting rid of it for other reasons?"

"Other reasons," he admitted. "It just... feels like a bad omen to have it sitting there. Honestly, I don't know why I've had it sitting there all this time, anyway."

Terri smiled at that. She, too, had things whose sentimental value completely outstripped their complete _lack_ of practical value. And if she were in Gabrielle's position, she wouldn't want her fiancée or husband holding onto the engagement ring he'd bought for a former flame, either. She had worked out what Jack was up to when he had wanted to get something out of his safe deposit box. Knowing Jack, once he'd made up his mind, he'd been eager to get things in motion. Which included getting rid of the engagement ring he'd been holding onto, more, she suspected, because it felt like a bad omen to have it sitting there when he wanted to marry someone else than because he desperately needed the cash. "I want to buy it off you," she repeated.

"Do you mind telling me what you're planning on doing with it?" Jack asked.

Terri laughed. "I wasn't planning on wearing it," she promised him. She wouldn't dare; she wouldn't put it past Gabrielle to rip it off her finger, and break her finger in the process. "I wanted to reset it into a pendant for Lucy. It's a gorgeous setting – I didn't realise you had such good taste," she added ruefully. Jack had been so full-on that she hadn't thought him capable of such exquisite taste. It was a half-carat diamond with emeralds on either side in a white-gold band.

"No, I meant... why is it important to you? You turned me down, remember?" He wasn't chiding her, just curious why she wanted it after all this time.

It was a valid question, and Terri wasn't entirely sure what the answer was. "I guess the idea of someone else having it makes me..." she shrugged. "Maybe I just like the idea that I've had _two_ men want to marry me. I don't want anyone else to have it."

"Not even if that 'anyone else' is a stranger who picked it up at a second-hand jewellery store?" he teased.

"Don't make fun of me Jack. If you don't want to sell it to me, that's fine, just tell me straight up."

He looked at her sharply. She was quite serious about wanting in. _Women_. They were so strange about stuff like jewellery. But if Terri wanted it, she would save him the hassle of getting it valued. "You want it, it's yours," he said.

"And don't try giving me a cheaper price. I'll find out if you've lied to me and then I'll be furious with you." Jack laughed at that; when Terri looked at him in that way, he didn't dare lie to her. "Look, can I ask you something?" she asked, her tone suddenly turning serious. He nodded slightly, not sure if he really wanted to know what she was going to ask him. "Are you sure this is what you want to do? I mean, you're not just doing it to make her happy?"

"I'm not sure I'm following you," he said, his voice slightly cool. "Of course I want to make her happy."

"That's not what I meant. Jack... I just get this vibe off her. I don't think she's entirely on the up-and-up."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. Jack's face turned dark. "You have no idea what you're talking about," he said.

"Jack – "

"Don't, OK. Just... _don't_. You do not get to come back after _three years_ and expect everything to be just how you left it and have a go at a woman _you don't even know_ because she had the nerve to take over the things you abandoned."

"Jack! You can't seriously –"

"I said _don't_. You don't have a claim on me anymore, you don't have _any right_ to pass judgement on Gabrielle. _I love her_. What I felt for you? That wasn't love. That was me being a stupid kid who didn't know any better."

"Jack..." her voice was trembling. She had known, both at the time and ever since, that he hadn't loved her, for all that he had been convinced he had. But it was one thing to know that and another to have it thrown in her face.

Jack's eyes were flashing now. His fists were clenched at his sides and for the first time in the four years that she had known him, she felt threatened by his physical presence. She had been to bed with him dozens of times but hadn't until now been fully aware of how strong he was. He had a good thirty centimetres and thirty kilos on her and she had just talked badly about his would-be bride. "I don't want to talk to you right now," he said. "I think it's best that I leave." And with that he turned on his heels and walked away from her, the stiffness in his posture telling her just how angry he was.

* * *

Jack was humming to himself as he chopped up the potatoes for his legendary potato salad. He had the day off so he wanted to do something really nice for Gabrielle dinner-wise. He was pulling out all the stops with dinner, partly because he wanted to make it a special night but mostly because putting together an elaborate meal helped soothe his nerves.

And he couldn't believe how nervous he was. He couldn't remember being this nervous with Terri, but then, it was something he had done out of desperation. And he hadn't loved Terri, not like he loved Gabrielle. If she turned him down... his heart churned at the thought. He didn't know what he would do if she turned him down.

And yet... if she said yes... Jack smiled at the thought. _Jack and Gabrielle Quade_. It had a nice ring to it. And having Russel and Ben as in-laws, that farm for their kids to run around with when they could make the time for weekends away...

Jack was so lost in a daydream which involved his and Gabrielle's kids being exposed to healthy farm life (OK, so they would need to be based in Sydney, but that didn't mean they couldn't get down to the farm on frequent occasions) that he got distracted, miscalculated the angle he was chopping at, and sliced the tip of his middle finger almost entire off. Yelling and swearing, he dropped the knife and immediately ran his hand under cold running water. He felt a little queasy watching the blood flow – as a surgeon, he had been fine with other people's blood, just not his own – and was relieved when the water started to flow clear. He was glad Gabrielle wasn't around to see him carrying on like a baby over a tiny little cut; you'd think after what Patrick had put him through, a glorified paper cut would be nothing.

He hunted through the kitchen looking for the first aid kit (he was yet to meet someone who worked in the medical field who didn't just stock bandaids when they could stock an entire first-aid kit) – inwardly laughing at the fact that he had been living here four months and was still learning where stuff was – and when he couldn't find it, decided to check the bathroom cabinet. _Gotcha_, he thought triumphantly when the familiar red box came into view. He pulled it forward, in the process knocking a few smaller items out of the cabinet and onto the basin. He picked them up and went to put them back in the cabinet – comb, hair clips, a partially-punctured birth-control blister pack.

Weather it was instinct or just that he'd seen so many of the damned things in his life that he knew exactly where the packet would be emptied up to on any particular day, something told him to take a second look at the packet.

The last pill to be punctured was Tuesday's. It was now Friday.

Jack felt his throat go suddenly dry. Why had Gabrielle not taken three pills? She was not only extremely organised, but she actually got that the whole point of the pill was that it had to be taken every day at pretty much the same time to be effective. God knew, they had _both_ seen enough girls – and women – who had failed to grasp that concept and fallen pregnant as a result.

He leaned against the counter, his cut finger forgotten. He tried to remember the last time she'd had her period. Not since they had patched things up; they'd had sex at least once a day _every_ day since then. That was over a month ago now. His mind started ticking over. All this packet told him was that the last pill she had taken had been on _a_ Tuesday... that didn't mean it had been this past Tuesday. It could have been Tuesday four or five weeks ago. This could be _last_ months packet.

_No_. She couldn't have done it. She wasn't the type. At least, he hadn't thought she was the type. Everything he knew about her... he couldn't imagine her doing something like this deliberately. And yet... he couldn't imagine her forgetting to take the pill _once_, let alone three days in a row.

And then... she had suddenly decided to forgive him and let him back in the bedroom a month ago, and had been all over him ever since. He had thought at the time that there was something too sudden about her change of mind, but he had been too happy that she had decided to forgive him to think much about it. And when she had become more tolerant of his relationship with Terri and Lucy...

_No. She couldn't have_. She wasn't that deceptive.

She was, however, deeply insecure when it came to Terri. Jack gripped the counter tighter. Could she really have felt so insecure – could she really have doubted how much he loved her?

He needed answers. He began pacing, waiting for her to come home.

* * *

"Jack? Babe? I'm home," Gabrielle called through the house. It felt oddly silent. It was usual for the house to be quiet when she got in – Jack could frequently be found reading a book – but this silence was _eerie_. And when she felt on-edge, too. The last few days she had gotten the impression Terri was being particularly hostile, and she couldn't think of any reason why. She had been looking forward all day to cuddling up with Jack.

She stopped short when she saw Jack sitting at the table. There were three packed bags on the floor. Her heart immediately twisted. If the bags weren't a big enough sign, the look on Jack's face said it all. "Jack?" she asked uncertainly. "What's up? Why do you have your stuff packed up?"

"I'll unpack everything... as soon as you explain what this is," Jack said, pushing forward the pill packet.

Gabrielle's heart fell. _Stupid!_ How _stupid_ could she have been? She should have tossed the pills as she was pretending to take them – how little effort would it have been to drop them down the sink as she went? "What were you doing going through my stuff?" she asked.

An immediate and flimsy defence that was typical of someone who knew they _had_ no defence. "I was looking for your first aid kit," he said. "I cut my finger when I was cooking dinner... I wanted it to be special, it was meant to be our engagement dinner."

The bitterness in his voice was apparent; as was the past tense of engagement dinner. "Engagement dinner?" she echoed dully.

"I've been... so happy this last month. I thought everything had finally come together for us and watching Dan and Ricki, I knew I wanted that for us. I thought we were on the same page... and then I find out about this." He gestured towards the packet. "How long?" he asked.

"A month," she admitted. No point in lying about it now.

_A month. Shit_. "_Why_?" he asked. The look on her face told him everything he needed to know. "This is because of Terri," he said flatly. "What, you figured you could trump her if we had a kid? Jesus Christ, you _did_," he said. Gabrielle had never been good at hiding her feelings, and the look on her face as he hit upon the truth was all the honest answer he needed. "What, you thought I would leave you? You didn't trust me," he said flatly. "You _didn't fucking trust me_ to be faithful. You know how I feel about infidelity."

"I knew you wouldn't cheat on me," she said. Such a silly thing to clarify given the big picture, but it was all she had. "I thought you would get sick of me and leave me."

"What, so a kid would make me stay? Jesus, Gabrielle, do you realise how _insane_ that sounds? I thought I knew you better than that. I thought _you_ were better than that. God, and I _defended_ you to Terri the other day," he added, remembering the things he had said to her and now feeling awful that Terri had been right – at least about Gabrielle not entirely being on the up-and-up. His gut had hold him Gabrielle was up to something, just like Terri's had told hers, but he had been too happy and too reluctant to question the cause of his happiness to pay any attention.

At the mention of Terri's name, Gabrielle tensed up. How did it always manage to be about Terri? Did the woman's former nunhood imbue her with some kind of supernatural knowledge care of Saint Peter? All the resentments that Gabrielle had tried to swallow, all the slights she had tried to ignore because there were still so many people who were happy to think of Terri as the _real_ NUM, bubbled to the surface. "You have _no_ idea what it's like to live in the shadow of that woman!" she yelled. Part of her realised she was taking it out on Jack, but she was too upset to care. She had taken a huge gamble which hadn't seemed that huge at the time and lost... and if Terri had never come back, she would never have had to take that gamble. "Do you think it's _fun_ to watch all the relationships you've built disintegrate because people would rather deal with _her_? Do you think I've _enjoyed _having people talk about how you were devoted to her as if I'm not _there_?"

"People don't really say that," Jack said. _Did they_? He knew from personal experience that gossip could be vicious, but... "And that's not even the point and you know it." She went quiet, knowing Jack was right. Whatever her reasons had been, she had deceived him, at least by omission. "God... do you even want a baby or is this just your way of keeping me with you?"

She paused too long before going to say that yes, she really did want a baby, too late to stop Jack from releasing a cry of betrayal that didn't sound quite human. Knowing the way Jack felt about children, it was almost worse that she was sure she wanted a baby than the fact she had deceived him in the first place. She backed away from him in fear. "I'm sorry," she said. "Jack, I'm so sorry."

He stared at her. He had been with her six months, lived with her for four, loved her for those four months... and he had no idea how much of it was real. At least, how much of it had been real since Terri had gotten back. He remembered how she had been all over him that night at Cougars to make a point to Terri and wondered if any of the last month had been real, or if it had just been her way of holding onto him... if her desire to have a baby wasn't one hundred percent real, had _anything_ been? And now she was saying she was _sorry_? Was she _actually_ sorry... or just sorry that she'd gotten caught?

She needn't have worried about him hitting her; he was already backing away. "I need to get out of here," he said thickly.

"Where are you going?" she asked, her first thought that he was going to Terri.

"I don't know. Bec's, maybe." Even as he said it, he knew he wasn't going to see his sister. He loved her, but he couldn't speak to her about something like this.

"Please don't leave."

He focused his gaze on her, eyes glittering dangerously. "Don't you _dare_ ask anything of me right now," he hissed. "Don't you _fucking dare_." It was the last thing he said to her before he walked out the door of the home he had shared with a woman he thought he knew for the last four months.

Gabrielle felt her knees buckle, and she groped for a chair, sinking into it gratefully before she collapsed. It had seemed so stupid, now that she knew Jack was so in love with her that he had planned to propose – _planned to_. He might never speak to her again now.

Oh, how she wished she could take it back. Now that she knew Jack loved her – had wanted to marry her – her need to trump Terri seemed like a silly playground feud... and a one-way feud at that. She should have known how much he loved her, should have known that there was no way he would get distracted by a former love – not even a love, as he had so often said to her, more like an infatuation – but instead, she had allowed herself to get caught up in the thinking that a baby would make him stay. And maybe now she had lost him forever.

She started to cry.

* * *

He had no intention of going to Rebecca's. Even as he had been telling Gabrielle that he would, he'd had no intention of doing so. Rebecca was sweet, but he didn't feel like confiding in her precisely for that reason.

He couldn't stop thinking about Gabrielle's deception. Not only her deception, but the fact that she had had so little faith in him that she had felt she had to resort to such deceptions. And then... he couldn't keep from going back to the fact that he had blown up at Terri for saying pretty much the same thing – that there was something not entirely on the up-and-up about Gabrielle's behaviour, something a little deceptive. He had had a go at her when she had only been telling him what he was too blinded by love and lust to see for himself.

Without really thinking about it, he found himself driving until he was parked in front of Terri's house.

Needless to say, Terri was surprised to see him after the way he had spoken to him just a few days previously. And in such a state – she had _never_ seen him distressed, not like this. He looked ready to collapse in a storm of tears. Come to think of it, she had never seen him cry, either. Not even after she had come back following Charlotte's miscarriage – he had always waited until she left the house, or at least the room, before he let himself go. "What happened?" she asked. "Did someone die? Is Gabrielle – " God knew, there had been plenty of times when she had resented and been frustrated by the younger woman who could be so unprofessional and petty at times, but that didn't mean she wished ill of the woman.

Jack shook his head and Terri took his hand, leading him into the house – a house that he had once spent a lot of time in. It felt strange for her to be leading Jack like a child, Jack who, in the brief time that she had known him before leaving Scotland, had always taken the lead, had always been the instigator. She directed him to the couch and poured him a hefty scotch and waited patiently for him to tell her what had happened. By the time he was finished he was curled up on the couch with his head in her lap like a child, sobbing. "I can't believe she'd do something like that," he said over and over. "I can't believe she didn't trust me."

She stroked his hair as gently as she would Lucy's. It was strange to be here with him when he was so vulnerable. The was the same man who a few days ago had made her very aware of the strength in his body was now crying his heart out in her lap like a broken-hearted child. She had thought she had known how much he loved Gabrielle – he had wanted to marry her, after all – but to witness his anguish at her deception was something else entirely. She didn't know what to say – telling him she was sorry seemed so hollow, since she had frequently admitted she didn't much like the woman, and besides, she knew from experience how hollow the words sounded when you were dealing with such a blow – so she just let him cry.

"What are you going to do?" she asked him much later when his tears had subsided and he lay listlessly on the couch, his head still in her lap.

"I don't know."

"No-one would blame you if you didn't want to take responsibility," Terri reminded him.

Jack stared at her as if she were talking in a completely foreign language – or at least of foreign concepts. "I can't _not_ take responsibility," he reproached her. The idea of not taking responsibility for his child was as alien to him as the idea of not breathing. A family, children, had been something he'd yearned for since Charlotte had miscarried. And Gabrielle had known it.

Terri nodded. She knew from the way he was with Lucy and Zach that having children meant the world to him. No-one else would blame him if he refused to take responsibility for any child that resulted in Gabrielle's deception... but _Jack_ certainly wouldn't be able to live with himself if he did. "Then what happens if she is pregnant?" Terri asked. The _if_ seemed somewhat superfluous.

"I don't know," he said again. It caused a physical ache in his body to think about it. Jesus, he loved her so much – loved her so much that it hurt – and it hurt _so much_ right now to know that he could love her so much on the one hand and feel so betrayed on the other. The idea of being with someone who was capable of such little trust, of such great deception. And yet – and yet – he had already been thinking about having a family with Gabrielle and he knew that if the circumstances had been different, he would be over the moon if she were pregnant. But these _were_ the circumstances, and they were lousy and he had no idea how he was meant to work within them. "I don't know."

* * *

Two days later he fronted up to a house that he had often thought he would never step foot inside again – certainly not since the _last_ time he had come here, and his father had hit on Charlotte despite the fact that she was nearly young enough to be his daughter... not to mention carrying his first grandchild. And then there had been his fervent wish to never again set foot in this neighbourhood... Jack shivered just to think about the fact that just a few blocks down was the house in which he had lost his virginity, painfully and humiliatingly.

He almost did a u-turn and went back to the pleasant suburb where Terri lived, but steeled himself. He wanted answer and he was determined to get them. He parked his car on the driveway, very aware that while it wasn't exactly a Ferrari, it didn't belong in a neighbourhood like this. Stella would just love him for _that_. Maybe the box of expensive wine he came would soothe her over.

He hadn't seen his step-mother in over five years and was shocked to see how far she had deteriorated. Stella had once been a stunning woman, before years of drinking and resentment – each creating a vicious cycle with the other – had slowly – and not-so-slowly – eroded her looks. He almost felt sorry for her, until he remembered the physical, emotional and verbal abuse she had put him through... not to mention how she had refused to believe him about Patrick and sent him back to be violated over and over until the man grew bored of him.

Stella eyed him resentfully. He'd inherited so much of his father's good looks, the good looks that had caught the eye of so many women despite the ring of his finger, and something told her that _his_ looks wouldn't disintegrate over years of indulging too much and exercising too little."What do you want?" she asked him. She had only seen him three times since he had left for university twelve years ago – the fact that he had gained admission, including scholarship, board and stipend to what many considered _the_ place to study medicine in the country only grating on her more in light of the fact that both _her_ sons had become labourers like their dad – and would have been quite happy to never see him again.

"To talk," he said. "I want to know about you and dad."

She glowered. Her marriage with Ned Quade was not something she cared to talk about... especially now that her looks were gone and they were locked together in a marriage neither of them were happy of them but neither of them could leave for something better. There _was_ nothing better for people like them now. "What's in it for me?" she asked sullenly.

Jack held up the box of wine and Stella's eyes just about popped out when she saw the label. And still sealed, too, she noted, eyeing it greedily. This was no cheap stuff stashed into a quality brand box. She couldn't remember the last time she had been able to afford anything but the cheapest cask wine, thanks to the paltry allowance Ned gave her.

She glowered again, thinking that Jack must be making decent money as a doctor – decent enough that he could afford an entire box of expensive wine. Goddamn ungrateful kid, after she had housed him and fed him for fifteen years. She peeked out the driveway and saw a car that may as well have been a BMW for how much it's expensiveness stuck out in a neighbourhood like this.

Jack sensed her thoughts. "You don't want it, I'll go," he said, pulling the box just far enough away to know he meant business. "But I want honesty from you."

Goddamn ungrateful brat came back after twelve years with his expensive car and expensive wine and lorded it over her. But she wanted that wine. And if he wanted the truth... well, she would give him the truth. Lord, she would give him the truth. She agreed to it.

She put two bottles in the fridge and opened a third one. "Could have chilled it before you got here," she said grumpily.

Ha, that was a laugh. Jack had come across plenty of alcoholics in his job, and judging from Stella's jitteriness, she would drink metho if there was nothing else around. "I can take it back if you want," he offered, and he suppressed the surge to laugh when she physically moved the bottle a little further out of her reach. "I want to know why you married dad," he said. He already had some idea, but he wanted to hear it from Stella herself. She had once been a beautiful woman – not educated or highly skilled, but still, beauty was a commodity and she could have done better than this miserable marriage. He'd met women Stella's age who could pass for her _daughter_.

"Why do you care?" she asked bitterly.

May as well tell the truth – or at least part of it. "Because I'm seeing someone I care deeply about and I don't want to make the same mistakes as my dad."

Stella laughed bitterly at that. "Ha, you men are _hard-wired_ to make the same mistakes," she said. "Can't keep it in your fucking pants."

"Then why did you marry him?"

"Because of David," David was his oldest brother. Born five months after their marriage. Jack had found _that_ out care of a little searching through the registrar of births, deaths and marriages. They had told everyone that David was born in June when actually he had been born the previous November. Jack decided to play dumb.

"David was born, what, a year after you were married?" he asked innocently.

"Don't be so fucking retarded, Jack," Stella snapped. She gulped down the rest of her glass of wine (at least she hadn't yet graduated to swigging straight from the bottle, Jack thought idly) before speaking again. "I _know_ you found your fucking birth certificate. You think I don't know you did a little snooping while you were at it?"

Jack shrugged. Stella had no-one but herself to blame for that one, although no doubt she had found someone in her _head_ to blame. She had burned his original birth certificate and then insisted that they move suburbs (to the one Patrick Wesley came to reside in, no less) because she didn't want to admit that Jack wasn't her son, but her step-son via one of her husband's many affairs. But that wasn't really the point now. "Did you think it would make you happy?" he asked.

"Duh, of _course_ I thought it would make me fucking happy," Stella snapped. For someone who was apparently qualified for MENSA, Jack could be pretty stupid sometimes. She consoled herself with the fact that while neither of her sons were Einstein material, at least they had plenty of common bloody sense. "Why do you think I did it?"

And therein lay the crux of Jack's decision to talk to Stella. She, too, had deliberately gotten pregnant in the hope of keeping a man with her. And it had – in law at least. Ned and Stella were bound together now because there wasn't anything better going for either of them. And the irony was, if they hadn't got caught up in 'doing the right thing' – or, at least, Stella getting pregnant to push Ned into marriage and Ned doing it – they could have been much happier with other people. At least, Stella could have been. Jack doubted someone like Ned could ever be happy with anyone... he was too selfish

He ended up talking to her for an hour, and as Stella got drunker, she got more mellow, which surprised Jack. In his experience as a child, the drunker she got, the more vicious she got. "I blamed David," she said finally.

"Sorry?"

"I blame David... for all of this." She gestured around the shabby home. "I wish... I wish I had known then what I know now."

Jack understood. Here was a woman pushing fifty, a tragic waste of beauty, who would have made different choices had she known that trapping a man into marriage with pregnancy would lead to such unhappiness.

He left Stella with her wine and her bitterness.

* * *

Gabrielle was so relieved to see Jack again that she hugged him with a bear-grip. "I was so worried!" she said. "I had no idea where you had gone! Bec said you hadn't contacted her."

"I was with Terri," he said flatly. "I crashed there for a bit."

She tried desperately to keep the smile on her face. That he had been with Terri... even if it had just been about a bed to sleep in... "And?" she asked, as controlled as she could manage given she wanted to burst into tears. _Jack had been with Terri_.

"And... I saw my step-mother."

_Stella_. His step-mother who had caused him so much misery. Why had he seen _her_? And yet... she already knew the answer. "Why?" she asked.

"Because I needed to know why dad and Stella are so miserable. And I guess I already knew it for myself. She got pregnant hoping it would make them happy... and it didn't." He took a deep breath. "You know that I will support any children we have – in every way," he said. "Not just financially."

She nodded. She knew. She knew how much Jack loved kids, wanted one of his own... he would never ignore his own children, not financially, not morally. And yet she got the feeling that this wasn't going the way she wanted. "I know," she said.

"And if you are pregnant... I'll support you... as much as I can... as the father." Her heart sank at _as the father_. Not as a husband, not as a partner. "But I can't be there for your as a partner. I saw what dad and Stella went through. I saw how miserable they are together 'cos they're bound together by some piece of paper that says they have to be. Gabby, I love you... but I don't trust you. And I can't see any future for us. I'll support any children we have but... I don't see any future with us."

And with that he was gone.


	7. Chapter 7

"You wanted to see me?" Jack asked in the cool, professional tone that he reserved for Gabrielle ever since they had broken up a month before. It wasn't hostile, it wasn't friendly, it was... coolly professional and it broke her heart every time she heard it. It was even worse than the public knowledge that Jack had moved in with Terri following his and Gabrielle's split. At least with that no-one dared to talk about it to her face. But she had to speak to Jack on a daily occasion, and listen to that tone in his voice...

"Shut the door," Gabrielle directed him. Jack shut the door, and Gabrielle fumbled for the words.

Finally, Jack asked her flat-out, "Are you pregnant?" She nodded dumbly. He wasn't surprised; he had been half-expecting this moment to come ever since he had found the pill packet. "How far?" he asked.

"Six weeks."

"Oh." He leaned against the desk that Frank and Charlotte shared. "What are you going to do?"

"What – what am _I_ going to do?" Gabrielle asked, off-kilter already. She hadn't known what to expect from Jack, but this wasn't it.

"Last I checked, I have jack all rights for the next seven-and-a-half months," Jack said. "So yeah, what are _you_ going to do?"

She felt tears start in her eyes and she felt like a big baby. You'd think they were talking about what colour she wanted to paint her house for how interested he was. "Don't you care?" she asked in a small voice.

"Bloody hell, Gabrielle, of _course_ I care. But I can't _do_ anything, can I? _You_ hold all the cards."

"I never wanted it to end up like this, Jack," Gabrielle said sadly.

He raked his fingers through his hair. He looked tired. She wondered if he was worried... or distracted. Even if no-one dared say anything to her face, she still heard the rumours. That it hadn't taken him long to rekindle his passion with Terri. That they had been seen going at it in the long-closed ward 17. That he was a hit at Lucy's PTA. That he was considering converting, or at least was taking Catholicism very seriously. God knew, he didn't make the same cracks about religion that he used to.

"I didn't want it to end this way, either," he said. "I used to think about us having kids. I knew it was something I wanted before I was thirty. But I never wanted you to have so little faith in me that you'd do something like that." He sighed. "I'm not you boyfriend, and even if I was, I don't have a say in what you do with your body. So if you want..." He trailed off, unable to say out loud that she was legally entitled to have an abortion if she wanted too, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

"So there's no hope –"

"No." She saw Jack clench his fists against the edge of the desk. She knew Jack, knew that if he could talk himself into being with her so she wouldn't have an abortion, he would have. That he couldn't... her heart fell. It really was over between them.

"I thought about it," she said. "And... I can't. Have an abortion, I mean." She had thought about it a lot, thought about what she would do if Jack didn't want to try again... and she had realised that she couldn't do it to Jack. Maybe someone else, but not Jack, not in these circumstances. She had tricked him into having a baby that he had wanted so much ever since Charlotte had miscarried, and knew it was something he wouldn't get over easily, if at all. She had brought this upon herself, she couldn't take something from Jack that he wanted so much. "And I don't know much more than that. I don't know if I can be a single mum."

"I'll take sole custody if you don't want it," Jack said immediately. But she had already known he would feel that way. "If you still feel that way afterwards."

She nodded. It felt so wrong to be talking about something like this like they were divvying up possessions following a split. Which was kind of what they were doing. They had broken up and were expecting a baby that needed to be divided between them. She felt her heart lurch again. It shouldn't have been like this. They should be happy, they should be engaged, they should be planning a life as a family together. "You need anything?" he asked. "Money, appointments you want me to go to?" she shook her head silently. She knew Jack was only trying to cover all the bases, but it felt so... cold. He may as well have been talking to one of his patients, and not someone he had wanted to marry a month ago. "Then I'll leave you to it," he said. "Let me know if you need anything, OK? Anything at all. I don't want you to feel like you can't come to me for anything." She nodded again, afraid that if she would spoke, the tears that were welling up in her eyes and throat would betray her. Of course Jack would want to do anything he could. That was the type of man he was. But he was doing it for his baby, not for her.

"Jack, wait," she called after him as he turned to go. "I – I have to know. Is there anything going on between you and Terri?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Well – people talk, and..." she trailed off helplessly under the weight of his stare. Her giving a crap about what people talked about was what had gotten them into this mess in the first place. But it was easy for _him_ to think like that. _He_ wasn't the one who was constantly being compared to a legend – and looking worse.

"I would have thought that you of all people would have learned by now not to listen to what people say," he said coolly. Then he saw the stricken look on her face and he softened. He was still angry at her, the position she had put him in and how little she had trusted him to resort to such a tactic, but there was a part of him that still loved her and he had been aware better than most how difficult it had been for her to have Terri around all the time. "There's nothing going on between us," he said. She looked relieved. "I'll leave you to it, then," he said, and left the office – and Gabrielle alone with her thoughts.

* * *

"Is Gabrielle pregnant?"

Jack looked up from his spot on the couch where he was absently staring at a point on the wall to where Terri was standing. "Huh?" he asked. He had barely heard a word anyone had said ever since Gabrielle had told him she was pregnant. So many thoughts were going through his mind. _A baby_. This is what he had wanted since Charlotte had miscarried, and if he had found out a month ago... but instead, he had found out a month ago that she trusted him so little she felt she had to tie him to her with a baby. If she was capable of that, what else was she capable of?

"Gabrielle. The way you've been acting today, that's the only thing I could think of."

He struggled to focus on her. She looked concerned and he felt guilty for making her concerned. "Sorry," he said.

"It's OK. So she is pregnant?" Jack nodded. Terri sat down beside him and handed him a Scotch on the rocks, just the way he liked it. He sipped it appreciatively, thinking randomly that Gabrielle had never learned to mix his drinks the way he liked. He didn't blame her, after Steve, she had zero interest in the art of alcohol, but it was nice to have his drinks mixed exactly the way he liked. "What is she doing about it? What are _you_ going to do about it?" Terri asked.

"She says she's keeping it," Jack said. Terri nodded slightly. She was as anti-abortion as Jack was, though for different reasons. "I suppose I should be grateful for that."

"So you're not getting back with her?"

Jack shook his head. "I can't trust her," he said honestly. "Believe me, I know how important it is for a kid to grow up with their parents in a loving relationship. But... how healthy will it be for them if I don't trust her? If every little thing that goes slightly awry makes me wonder if she planned it? Shit, no wonder you didn't want to stay with me after you found out about Charlotte. How can you be comfortable around someone you don't trust?"

"It wasn't that I didn't trust you, Jack. I just... didn't think there was any room in your life for me when you needed to make Charlotte a priority."

"Cut with the saint crap, Terri. It _hurt_."

Terri smiled. Jack had certainly become a lot more aware of how his actions had affected others... and how people had hurt, for all they tried to hide it. "Yeah, it did," she admitted. "I just didn't think I had a right to be upset. It wasn't like we were together at the time."

"... That's what I said to Charlotte at the time. But I'd told you I loved you and that we could make it work if you wanted to then went to bed with your best mate a few hours later," Jack pointed out. "It can't have been easy for you to know that. Some things you just can't overlook."

Terri nodded. Jack had put into words her feelings at the time, feelings she hadn't truly analysed because in her head, she'd known that she hadn't had the right to expect fidelity of Jack after she had dumped him. He was right; some things you just couldn't overlook. And if it had taken so long for her to get over Jack's not-infidelity, then she couldn't blame him for not being able to overlook Gabrielle's deception and insecurity. "You're right, I didn't trust you," she admitted. "And you're right, that once you don't trust someone..."

"But you trust me now," Jack pointed out.

She laughed; for a fraction of a second she thought she saw a glimpse of the twenty-four-year-old that she had first met, constantly seeking her approval. "I trust you with my life – and more importantly, I trust you with Lucy's."

"I think that's about the highest compliment I can get," he said, and he sounded like that included anything anyone could say about his surgical talents.

"You've changed," Terri commented.

"I get that a lot."

"So... do you know what you're going to do? About Gabrielle, I mean."

"I'm going to support her. Financially, emotionally – however she needs me. I can't not, however it happened. But I don't see a future for us as a couple. I don't think that's fair to anyone – not me, her, or the baby."

Terri thought about how many couples had gotten married because of pregnancy, how many couples stayed together, locked in matrimonial misery out of some misguided attempt to do the right thing by their kids. To Terri, Jack's rationale was the right one, but it can't have been easy for him to come to that conclusion. She knew how much he must _want_ to be able to trust Gabrielle, and it said a lot about him that he was honest enough with himself to know that he couldn't, and to try would only drag out the inevitable. "I think you're very wise," she said softly.

* * *

Gabrielle's pregnancy, in light on the fact that Jack had moved in with Terri, was too good to be kept a secret. Everyone knew that he was crazy about children, so if they had shown no sign of reconciliation, she must have _really_ done something wrong. Somehow, people always assumed that Gabrielle had done something wrong. Of course, everyone knew that Terri had quite a connection with him, but somehow, that wasn't Jack's fault. There were even rumours that the reason Jack had left the relationship was because she had cheated on him with Steve, and the baby was his.

"How are you holding up?" Zoe asked her one day. It was obvious that Gabrielle was increasingly unhappy. And Zoe increasingly wanted to smack Frank, or Terri, or both. Things had been fine before she had shown up, before Frank that thought it would be a brilliant idea despite all the obvious things that could go awry. And everything that could have had done so. And no-one was taking it harder than Gabrielle.

Zoe was well aware how disproportionately these situations tarnished the woman's reputations rather than the man's. When she and her husband, both doctors, had broken up, the blame had been put on her head because of her infidelity, and none on her husband's for his chronic negligence when it came to everything and everyone but himself. And naturally, if it had been _him_ who had cheated, he would have just been acting like a man and she would have been too hard on him by leaving. Yes, Zoe was well aware at how badly women came out in these situations.

Not Terri, of course. Terri's reputation was so sterling that no mud stuck to it. And Zoe should know, in a moment of petty frustration she had gone digging for dirt. The closest she had found was something about a man leaving his wife for her... and then it was the fault of the mentally ill wife who had ended up being murdered by a jealous lover. (What was it about this hospital that seemed like a breeding ground for a soap opera? _Grey's Anatomy: Sydney_, perhaps?) Zoe knew Terri wasn't to blame but sometimes she made a very handy target for Zoe's resentment. Everything had been fine before she had gotten here, and now she was witnessing her team fall apart because Frank was too busy playing favourites with Terri, Charlotte and Bart.

Gabrielle smiled wanly at Zoe. "Fine," she said. Zoe looked at her pointedly. "Look, there's nothing I can do so I may as well... focus on the future."

"And what future would that be?" Zoe asked pointedly. Gabrielle's face fell at that and it was obvious that it was something she had already thought about. "Have you thought about getting another job?" Zoe asked. "Somewhere where you're not going to be constantly living under Terri's shadow?"

"Of course I have," Gabrielle said. "I'm twenty-six and pregnant. It was hard enough getting _this_ job and _that_ was because no-one who knew better would go near Frank. I _like_ being NUM. I like the hours. I'd be an idiot to give that up when I might be supporting a child on my own."

"Might be?" Zoe asked. "Is there a chance you and Jack – "

Gabrielle shook her head. "No. I just don't know if I can do this on my own and Jack's prepared to do it on _his_ own. Or, rather, with Saint Terri by his side," she added bitterly.

"I didn't realise they were back together." Zoe had heard the rumours, of course, but had long since not to put any stock in rumours.

"They're not. At least, he says they're not and I trust him to be honest with me. More than I've given him reason to trust me," she admitted. Zoe was the only person she had told about why Jack had left her.

"Have you thought about a termination?" Zoe asked.

"Yeah. I just... couldn't do that to Jack and live with myself. He's crazy about kids. That's part of why he keeps gravitating back to Terri, because of Lucy. I tricked him, it doesn't seem right to turn around and have an abortion."

"So where does that leave you?"

"I don't know," Gabrielle admitted quietly. "Financially – fine. Jack will support me. I mean, look at how he's supported Charlotte." Zoe nodded. His devotion to a child not his was apparent to everyone he knew it; no doubt he would go above and beyond even that when it came to his own child. "Everything else... I have no idea."

"I know it doesn't feel like it sometimes, but you do have allies here," Zoe said. "Rachel would make things easier for you if you'd let her. Not everyone thinks we'd all be better off if you just relinquished your life over to Terri."

"Thanks," Gabrielle said in a small voice. It wasn't much of a consolation that she had a few people in her corner when Terri had so many. She had though _she_ was good at getting along with admin, but there were still plenty of people in high places who remembered both Terri and that she had been part of All Saints when it had been run by the Catholic Church. All she had to do was ask for something and she got it. Gabrielle couldn't compete with that. And she knew that there were plenty of people who had thought right from the beginning that she was too young for the job; now that Terri was back, those opinions seemed to be getting bandied about a lot more and a lot louder.

Zoe left the office, her heart going out to Gabrielle. She scanned the ward, looking for the rest of her team. "Where's Bart?" she asked Frank. Frank shrugged and Zoe bit back a comment that you'd think he would keep better track of Bart after he made such an effort to keep him on the ward.

"He went to look at wedding dresses with Ricki," Dan volunteered hesitantly, because he'd gotten the distinct impression from Bart that he had permission to do so. Zoe's scowl said otherwise. "Her maid-of-honour's in New York," Dan defended Bart. "She needs a good friend to give her advice."

"_I_ need my doctors," Zoe said.

"Go easy on the kid," Frank said. "It does him good to see them happy, after all he's been through."

Trust Frank to take Bart's side. Ever since the younger doctor had been shot, Frank had had a soft spot for him – _too_ soft, in Zoe's opinion. Letting Bart blabbing about a patient having syphilis to his wife slide, just because he was upset that his dream job wasn't available, for example. And if he'd been through a lot because of Ann-Marie, it was his own fault for getting involved with a cancer patient who hadn't yet gone into remission. "And it does _me_ good to have my doctors _where_ they're supposed to be _when_ they're supposed to be there," she said angrily. She strode off, thinking that if it wasn't for the fact she would feel awful about abandoning Gabrielle, she would take that offer at St. Angela's.

* * *

"You're acting like a sooky mum, you know," Jack teased a few weeks later. Lucy had just been sent off on her first school camp and Terri was a little teary about it, which Jack found rather endearing.

Terri glared at him. "Give it eight years, see how _you_ like packing your kid off to their first camp."

"I'm sure I'd have peace of mind knowing they had an RN as one of the parents. It's a school camp, Ter, not _Lord of the Flies_. Maybe I shouldn't have said that," he added when he saw the look on Terri's face.

"No, you shouldn't have."

"She'll be fine. It's a good school with good chaperones. Nothing's going to happen to her."

"I know that in my head, but... this is the first time in over four years she's been out of my sight for more than a few hours. I don't like it."

"Well, look at it this way. We can watch all the MA- and R-rated movies we like. I don't know about you, but I have chunks of _Harry Potter_ memorised and I... don't... like it."

"It had better not have subtitles."

"Can it have a MA rating?"

"So long as it doesn't have subtitles."

"Deal."

They ate dinner together over the first movie. "C'mon, Jack, get off," Terri complained, attempting to push his head off her lap. Trouble was, he looked so cute with his arms wrapped around her legs, and he seemed perfectly content to stay there all night if she kept stroking his hair. "I need to put the dishwasher on and get dessert."

Reluctantly, he got up. "Hurry up," he grumbled. He was enjoying the rare time he got to spend with Terri when Lucy wasn't around. Sometimes he forgot how well he connected with her, adult-to-adult. Not that he didn't love having Lucy around, but sometimes interacting with a child got tedious. _Practice for the future_, he thought ruefully. He'd never been under the illusion that parenthood would be a eternal picnic of cuteness and charm that never got tired, but he was longing for adult time with Terri. _Adult_ meaning anything that didn't involve Harry Potter movies and hundreds and thousands.

Things seemed to be going well with Gabrielle. He rarely saw her outside of work, and then only for pregnancy-related matters, but she was doing OK. Or at least, she said she was. He had asked her how she was coping with the gossip, and she said she was doing fine. Hopefully, Jack thought, that meant she was more secure about things in general.

He missed her. He couldn't deny that. He'd never clicked with someone like he had clicked with Gabrielle. Not even his loyalty to Terri and Lucy could convince him that he had something more special with them. But he remained convinced that he had made the right decision.

He was well aware that he was in both Zoe and Rachel's bad books. He was also aware, even if Terri wasn't, of the rising strain within the staff as a unit. They had never exactly worked seamlessly – Charlotte had never wholly let go of her resentment of Zoe's promotion, and he had privately shared Zoe's opinion that Frank was too lenient on Bart, and he knew he and Steve hadn't worked together as well as they could have – but as a whole, they had worked together cohesively. But the cracks were definitely starting to show, and he knew he had played a part in that. More than a part.

Sometimes he wished Terri had never come back. Others he knew that wouldn't have curbed Gabrielle's insecure streak. And he was always glad to have Terri to come home to. He'd never stopped caring about her.

Or being attracted to her.

He got up off the couch and padded into the kitchen. "Need a hand?" he asked.

"I'm fine. But thanks anyway." She smiled at him, and it occurred to him that he hadn't seen that particular smile in a while. She had smiled at him that way the morning after their first night together. He had told her she had an amazing smile. He stepped behind her and put his hands on her hips.

"I remember that smile," he murmured huskily. He kissed the top of her head and ran his lips through her hair.

She felt herself growing hot. She had wanted this, thought about it since before she had returned to Australia, but now that it was happening, and in the circumstances that it was –"Jack, I'm trying to fix dessert," she chided him.

"I can think of sweeter things," he said. Then, "Do you not want me to?" He pulled away from her slightly, but didn't take his hands off her hips.

"I want you to," she said. She leaned against him and he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"You're tiny," he said. He felt her squirming in his arms at that and added, "I think it's adorable."

"Jack I'm, uh... too old for 'adorable' to be a good thing," she complained half-heartedly.

He chuckled. "I know you're forty-one," he said. "You were always too hung up on crap liked that, you know. And I think adorable is sexy." He kissed the top of her head and ran his lips down to her ear. "I never stopped caring about you, you know. Or being attracted to you."

He certainly knew how to make a woman feel good about herself, she thought as he twisted her around so she was facing him. He kissed her gently, waiting for her to respond to him. So different to their first liaison, she remembered, when he had taken her invitation into her home to mean he was home free. Which is what she had intended, but this was different... nicer. An indication of how much he had grown in the last five years, how much more respectful he was of personal space. "Jack," she whispered, opening her mouth to let him kiss her properly.

He lifted her onto the counter, dessert forgotten, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. His fingers were gentle but deliberate as he was trailing them down her shirt and she bucked against him, feeling the muscles in his chest tense up. He was nearly fifteen years younger than her and when once that had made her feel old, it now made her feel younger – as young as Gabrielle...

"Is this what you want?" he asked her.

"Yes."

"You sure?"

"Jack! You were never this hesitant before!"

"I was never this scared of stuffing up before," he countered with a grin. His eyes connected with hers and they exchanged a look which said more than words could. Wrapping his arms tightly around her, he pulled her away from the counter and towards the bedroom that he had once been very familiar with...

"What is this?" she asked later. "I mean... this? What are we?"

"I thought it was patently obvious that we were – are – lovers," Jack said frankly. He ran his fingers idly down her back. "You weigh hardly more than Lucy," he commented. "What are you, fifty-five, sixty kilos?"

"None of your business. What – is – this, Jack? Apart from being lovers? Where do I stand with you? With Gabrielle to think about?"

"I care about you," he said slowly, choosing his words carefully. "And you know where I stand with Gabrielle. You can be a step-mum all over again," he tacked on with a grin, trying to make a joke of it.

It fell flat. "That's not funny, Jack."

"I wasn't trying to be funny. Look, you knew what you were walking into. I've never held anything from you, have I?" he asked, scrunching up his face as if searching his memory for something he might not have disclosed.

"No. I just... wish it was easier." She grinned at him. "I wish I had you all to myself and no-one questioned that I had a right to you exclusively."

He laughed ruefully. "There was a time I would have given anything to hear you say that."

"I know. I wish I'd known. Things would have been a lot easier."

"You mean you would never have had anything to do with me?" he asked rhetorically. God, he must be miles away from his twenty-four-year-old self that he could look back and not be the least bit insulted that Terri hadn't particularly cared for the persistent attentions of an arrogant surgeon thirteen years younger than her. "Well, how's this?" he asked, returning to Terri's initial question about where they stood with each other. "You have my fidelity and loyalty before everything else... including Frank... and Gabrielle."

"You mean that?" Terri asked. "You can choose me over Gabrielle? What about the baby?"

"We'll deal with that when we come to it. And until then, yes."

"You know you have to tell her about us, Jack. People already think there's something going on. She has a right to know before it becomes public knowledge. Remember how well we hid it _last_ time."

Yes, he remembered. And last time no-one had thought that straight-laced, grieving widow Terri Sullivan would give so much as a second glance to a cocky young surgeon; now, it was all anyone could talk about. "I'll tell her," he agreed.

"When?"

"Soon," he said, having a brief flash of hounding Gabrielle about telling Steve and feeling guilty he'd been so hard on her over it. It wasn't _nearly_ as easy to date one colleague while you had another as your ex as he had thought it was.

* * *

"Jack, do you want to come over for dinner tonight?" Gabrielle asked. "I have something for you."

It was on the tip of Jack's tongue to turn her down. He hadn't been seeing Gabrielle socially in the first place, but in the two weeks that he and Terri had been together - well, now it felt downright traitorous. But Gabrielle looked at him with a mixture of eager and pleading that he didn't have the heart to tell her no. It was just one little dinner. She knew that they were over, what harm could it do? Besides, it was important that they be on good terms. Jack didn't believe in staying together for the sake of a child, but he _did_ want to be on good terms with Gabrielle so they wouldn't be brought up in a hostile, conflicted environment.

To his surprise, he had found Terri agreeing with him. "If Mitch and Rose had lived, they would have fought forever more with Lucy in the middle," she had told him wisely. "I think she still remembers bits of it. It's not good to put a child in the middle like that."

"OK," he said after a few moments deliberation. "What time?"

They arranged a time to meet, and went their separate ways as they did these days, working together but separate at the same time. He finished his shift and went home, barely beating Terri and Lucy to the door. "Hey, monkey," he greeted Lucy affectionately, lifting her easily into his arms. Lucy wrapped his arms around his neck and her legs around his waist the way she did and nuzzled her face in her neck. He closed his eyes, enjoying her childish affection. While her desire to have the same half a dozen movies played over and over drove him batty sometimes, if that was the price for moments like this, then bring parenthood on.

"How was your day?" he asked Terri when Lucy had gone to her room to change (while any children of his were going to religious schools over his dead body, Jack had to admit, Lucy looked adorable in her uniform) and he had the opportunity to hug Terri privately.

"Bit boring," she said. "Cleaned, baked, picked Lucy up from school. I wish you and I had more days off together."

Jack smiled ruefully at that. He wouldn't put it past Gabrielle and Zoe to be in cahoots with each other in that score. He had gone from having plum day shifts that coincided with Gabrielle's while they were together to mostly nights and evenings since he had left her and moved in with Terri. "Me, too," he said. He kissed her forehead, then, sliding his fingers under her chin, tilted her head so he could kiss her properly...

"Mum! Mum! Daddyjack! Yay!" Lucy cried running up to them and wrapping her little arms around their legs, interrupting them so it was impossible to continue to kiss. "Wait until I tell Anna."

Jack cringed. Anna Frost was Lucy's best friend and Peter Frost's daughter from his first marriage. A remarkably well-grounded girl in Jack's opinion, given who her step-mother was, she had inherited Bianca's talent for gossip through some kind of osmosis. Not that Anna was the only problem; it seemed that half the All Saints staff sent their kids to that particular school. He had already promised himself that any kid of his who be going to a public school, the further away from the hospital, the better. But the problem was that Lucy would tell Anna, and it wouldn't take long for the news to get through the children and then to their parents.

He was _so_ sending any kids he had to a public school far away from the hospital.

"You have to tell Gabrielle," Terri reminded Jack gently. She knew he had been stalling and had tried to go easy on him, including respecting that he wanted to keep it from Lucy, as impossible as that would be for any long period of time. But now Lucy knew, which meant her friends would know soon enough, and many of them – not just Anna – had parents who worked at the hospital.

"I know."

"She has a right to know before it becomes public knowledge." Not that that would really help; she was well aware that Jack living with her made them easy targets for gossip, regardless of the fact that it had only been a few weeks that anything had been going on.

Well, now there _was_ something going on, and Gabrielle had a right to know before the rest of the world did. "I know, I know," Jack said. "I'll tell her tonight. I said I'd go over for dinner."

Terri raised her eyes at him. "You did, huh? Were you planning on telling me?"

"I'm telling you right now. She only asked me this afternoon. She seemed really eager, said she has something for me – I didn't have the heart to tell her no." Jack was well aware that he sounded like he was trying to justify himself. He saw the look on her face and was floored by it. It was the same look he'd seen on Gabrielle's face whenever he mentioned Terri or Lucy. "You can't seriously be insecure?" he asked.

"She's closer to Lucy's age than mine," Terri pointed out.

"So? You knew that already. You knew _everything_ already. I've never tried to hide anything from you, have I?" Terri shook her head. "Then please don't make this any harder than it is. I'm crazy about you, you know that." She nodded. "Good girl." He laughed when she scowled at him. "Come here." He drew her into his arms and kissed her deeply.

Lucy ran back into the entry. "I told Anna!" she said. Jack pulled away and scowled slightly. He adored Lucy but sometimes she could get underfoot.

* * *

Terri laughed at that. "Welcome to parenthood, Jack."

"I don't see why _I_ have to miss out on feta," Jack complained good-naturedly later that evening over a cheese-free Greek salad.

Gabrielle poked her tongue out at him. "So sorry to inconvenience you," she said sarcastically. "I didn't realise your feta was more important than Listeria." She sighed. "I'd kill for a ham sandwich."

"I'd do it for you if I could," Jack said sympathetically. Maybe complaining about the feta was a bit much. And he guiltily remembered the wine he and Terri frequently had with dinner. He _definitely_ shouldn't be complaining.

She smiled. "I know you would." Jack was sweet like that... had always been sweet like that. She wondered what it would be like, if they were still together. It felt so wrong for them to be doing this in these circumstances. Especially now, when things felt so much like old times, having dinner together in the home they had once shared, and afterwards they would have cuddled up together over a DVD or gone to bed and... She forced another smile, determined that Jack wouldn't see her unhappy.

"You said you had something for me," Jack said a little later.

"Of course." She got up, unaware that he was watching her intently. She was three month's pregnant now, and he was sure he could see it. He knew her body so well, knew every curve of her body... God, she looked gorgeous. He couldn't keep his eyes off her; he couldn't help but remember how much fun he had had with her, how in sync they had been, how she had made him laugh and feel special... and how she had deceived him.

He shook his head as if to physically dislodge the memories from his brain. He was with Terri now, and thinking about Gabrielle like this was disloyal at best.

Gabrielle retrieved something from the counter and brought it back to Jack. It was a framed ultrasound photo. "I thought you might like it," she said modestly, knowing full well that he would love it.

He took the photo and ran his fingers over it, as if by doing so he could physically touch his child. "Thanks," he said in a small voice, completely overwhelmed. "How come you didn't tell me you were going for an ultrasound? I would have gone with you."

"I wanted to surprise you. And I didn't know how Terri would feel about it so I figured it was best if I just did it. You can come next time if you want."

"I wouldn't have cared what Terri thought," Jack said. He briefly took his eyes off the photo to look at her – and smile.

Gabrielle felt the baby kick, and grunted. "Here," she said, disregarding the unspoken no-physical-contact rule that Jack had imposed, and grabbing his hands, placing them on her stomach. Jack inhaled sharply to feel his baby, and suddenly everything else fell away and it was just the two – or three – of them, a family that could never be truly divided, no matter what else was happening in their lives. Jack looked Gabrielle in the eye, his eyes sparkling with pure joy, and he forgot about everything else.

"Thankyou," was all he could think to say.

He was looking at her with such joy and love that Gabrielle couldn't truly believe that things were over between them. How could Jack think that things could ever be over between them, when they obviously had chemistry and love between them – not to mention a child that they both wanted? How could he possible think that they could ever be happy with anyone else?

She leaned into him and kissed him deeply. For a second, she thought he kissed her back. Then he pulled away, his face twisted into an ugly expression of disgust and resentment. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked.

Her heart fell. It wasn't her he was looking at love with; or if it was, it was because she was an incubator for the baby he had craved with his heart and soul for the last three years. "I just thought – everything felt so right between us that I thought – Jack, things _can't_ be over between us. Don't you remember how good things were between us? You can't say you don't care – you can't say you're not still attracted to me!" Her voice had taken on a note of hysteria.

"No, I can't," he said flatly, his voice so dead that his words brought her apprehension instead of joy. "Gabrielle, Terri and I are together," he blurted out.

"What?" She gripped the edge of the chair, not sure she had heard right. No, she had heard right – she felt weak all over. _Jack and Terri_. Everything she had been scared of. The worst thing that could possibly happen.

"I meant to tell you more gently, but – "

"You said you weren't seeing her."

"I wasn't, not when you asked me. We've been seeing each other for a few weeks."

She gripped the chair harder and felt her throat tighten. Suddenly it felt as if her lungs weren't big enough to get her the air she needed. _Jack and Terri_. And with Lucy, he had a ready-made family. So easy to imagine them holding hands, kissing, in bed together...

She reached out and slapped him as hard as she could – which was impressively hard. Jack took it stoically; he figured if she wanted to be angry, the best thing was to let her be. "You bastard!" she screamed at him. "I was right – you never stopped wanting her – otherwise you wouldn't have moved on so quickly."

"Gabrielle, I swear nothing happened while you and I – "

"Get out!" she screamed at him. She felt the tears start to come and hated herself for crying in front of him. She felt her knees start to buckle, felt like she couldn't breathe –

In a fraction of a second, Jack had his arm around her waist, steadying her. "I've got you," he said. He led her over to the couch.

"Get out," she said again through gritted teeth. Tears streamed from her eyes and she hated him for witnessing her like this.

"I'm not leaving you like this."

"Oh, that's all you care about, isn't it? Your precious _baby_." She wished the photo was within reach so she could smash it over his head.

"That's not true. You know I care about you."

"As the mother of your baby."

"Please, Gabrielle, don't be like this. It won't achieve anything," Jack pleaded, unwilling to admit that he still cared about her as more than just the mother of his baby, unwilling to admit that in that moment, he had kissed her back because he couldn't deny how perfect things had been between them, had felt in that moment...

"Get the fuck out," Gabrielle snarled at him. "Before I call the police for trespassing. This isn't your house anymore," she reminded him. "GET...OUT!" Jack decided the best thing to do was leave her be, before she became distressed enough to do him harm – or herself.

Once he had gone, she threw herself into a lying position on the couch and, drawing herself into a foetal position, she sobbed her heart out.

* * *

"How did things go?" Terri asked, although the second she saw him, she knew they hadn't gone well.

"I don't want to talk about it," Jack snapped so shortly that Terri physically recoiled. He knew how she felt about angry, violent men, and he outdid himself being calm and non-threatening around her.

"Jack – "

"I said _leave me the fuck alone_," he yelled at her, a frightening thing in itself because he also knew how she felt about that kind of language. He stormed to his room - the room he had spent so little time in over the last few weeks, only so Lucy wouldn't get too suspicious – and slammed the door behind him. She knew when she heard the _click_ of the lock mechanism sliding into place that she wasn't welcome**.**


	8. Chapter 8

"I brought you a chai tea," Rachel said, holding out the takeaway cup in Gabrielle's direction.

She accepted it and sipped it gratefully. "Thanks," she said. It was amazing how sweet some people could be – especially in light of the fact Jack had made her worst nightmare come true by hooking up with Terri so soon after he had broken up with her.

"You OK?" Rachel asked, even though it was patently obvious that she wasn't.

"No, not really. It's about Jack. He and Terri –" she closed her eyes, not wanting to say the words out loud.

She didn't need to. Rachel got it immediately. Everyone had been talking about Jack's relationship with Terri and where they stood with each other – and Gabrielle. "I'm sorry," she said, surprised at just how sorry she _was_ that Gabrielle's relationship with Jack had ended this way. Once she would have gladly clawed out his eyes then see him with someone else, but she had seen how well they gelled together and had been mature enough to realise that she wasn't strong enough a woman to make him happy, and in the end had been disappointed to see the relationship break down.

_Poor Gabrielle_, she thought. She had no idea what Frank had been thinking, hiring Terri without so much as letting her know, let alone letting her make that decision. She didn't like how the team dynamics had changed since Terri had gotten back, and now she was seriously thinking about finding another job. Except then she'd feel bad for leaving Gabrielle without yet another ally, as small as she might be in the great scheme of things.

"I don't understand why you don't try and find another job," Rachel said.

"Are you kidding me?" Why was this so hard for people to understand. "I only got _this_ job because no-one else wanted it – except maybe Terri... or Deanna," she added bitterly. What was it about Jack and the only women who _wanted_ this position? "I'm twenty-six and I'm going to be a single mother. I'm not going to get another administrative job, and that means shiftwork."

"Then... have you thought about – uh – not having it?"

"You didn't know Jack before Charlotte miscarried. I didn't know him either, but from what I've picked up, he's never gotten over it. A baby's all he's really wanted in all the time we've been together."

"I had no idea," Rachel said, but then, of course she wouldn't. She and Jack were on friendly terms, but he was never going to confide in her something like that.

"I did. I knew it and I played on it." She found herself admitting to Rachel how she had stopped taking the pill, thinking that if she could give Jack a baby, she would trump any affections he had for Terri forever. "I can't do that to him, not when I tricked him into this in the first place. I don't think he'd ever get over it and I can't... do... that... to him."

It sounded very martyr-like to Rachel but then, she was the first to admit she had never really known Jack so she had no idea how he would react to an abortion. "I think I would have liked to have known him before," she mused.

Gabrielle smiled ruefully. "From what Von said, he was a self-absorbed shit," she said, with a sad little laugh.

_Doesn't seem to me like anything's changed_, Rachel thought.

* * *

Terri was surprised to see Rachel at her front door. Even though the two women were technically at the same level as RNs under Gabrielle's supervision, she found herself miles from Rachel in mindset and was inclined to see Rachel as her junior. That, and Rachel was quite obviously a supporter of Gabrielle's, and had made it clear in her attitude what she thought of Terri. And she couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable knowing that she was a former conquest of Jack's. It took a confident woman not to be bothered by just how many of them Jack had floating around. She wondered how Gabrielle had managed to be such good friends with Rachel; she knew _she _wouldn't be able to share such a rapport with her. "Can I help you?" she asked politely.

"I'd like to see Jack," Rachel said.

"He's not here," Terri lied, figuring that the only reason Rachel would be here was on behalf of Gabrielle. Maybe it was just bringing back her feelings about Rose and how she would use Lucy to drive whatever wedges she could between Terri and Mitch, but she didn't like the hold Gabrielle held over Jack via their baby. He hadn't been himself since he had told her about his relationship with Terri, and even though he hadn't said so, she knew he felt awful for upsetting her.

"Yes, I am," Jack said a little irritably, coming up behind Terri. He wasn't sure what he was more peeved about, Rachel showing up on his doorstep or Terri lying about him being here. "What do you want?" he asked.

"I wanted to speak to you. In private."

Jack snaked his arm around Terri's back, driving home a point. "Whatever you have to say to me, you can say to Terri," he said resolutely.

Rachel smiled sweetly. She had anticipated this, although she felt bad for using such a card against him. "Really? He told you the story about how he lost his virginity?" she asked Terri, looking at her directly. What on earth Jack saw on her, she had no idea. Even on the higher step, Terri was still the same height as her. _Must be a bitch to kiss_, she thought, feeling viciously gleeful on Gabrielle's behalf.

From the way Jack blanched, it was clear that he hadn't. Or at least, not the true story. "I'll take this," he mumbled to Terri, breaking away from her and stepping towards Rachel. "You manipulative little _shit_," he spat at her.

"Really?" she asked coolly. "I could say the same thing about you. Do you know how heartbroken Gabrielle is?"

"It's none of your business," Jack snapped.

"She's my friend, it is too."

"No... it's... not." Really, she might mean well, but it was none of her goddamn business. And she'd certainly had no right to pull that virginity stunt with Terri, knowing full well that since hardly anyone else knew about what had happened to him, chances were, neither did Terri. "And you had _no right_ to say anything to Terri about – you know," he finished off, flustered.

"Yeah? How come you could tell Gabrielle but you couldn't tell Terri?" Rachel challenged. "Jack, Terri's not right for you."

Jack was incensed. Well-intentioned or not, she had no right to go poking around in his private life – and she certainly had no right to show up here where he lived. _Nosy little upstart_. "And you would know this because... you were so right for me?" he asked. "Face it, you just can't stand the fact that the only reason I ever wasted my time with you was because you just happened to be there. I couldn't be bothered with someone I was actually attracted to, and that drives you insane with jealousy."

He saw her bottom lip quiver and he felt a fission of guilt. It had been a shitty thing to say, and more to the point, it hadn't been true. He had liked her, been attracted to her, and maybe in different circumstances – but these were the circumstances he was in, and she had no right to butt into his business. Besides, she had almost betrayed a confidence, and if she were any taller, he would have smacked her already for it. "You're lying," she said bravely.

"You keep telling yourself that," Jack said harshly. "Now get this through your thick head. You come around here again, you tell Terri _anything_, and I will make you sorry you ever came to All Saints." And with that, he turned on his heels and headed back into the house.

"Jack, what was that about?" Terri asked when he came back into the house. For him to just walk out like that – and what was with Rachel's question about Jack's virginity? She hadn't realised they were close enough for Rachel to know about Jack's long history with Tanya Gregova, let alone for her to seem to have this idea that Terri didn't know the whole story.

"Nothing," he said sullenly. "Just a silly girl who can't keep her nose out of other people's business."

Terri frowned. However close Jack and Rachel were or weren't, he had never referred to her as a 'silly girl' before. From what she had gleaned from Dan, he had bent over backwards trying to make her feel comfortable in the ED. What had Rachel said to him, what did she have on him, that Jack would call her a 'silly girl'? "Jack, I'm supposed to be your girlfriend," Terri reminded him. "What could she possibly say that's got you so upset? What did that comment about your virginity mean?"

"It doesn't matter," he said. For some reason, when he had been with Gabrielle, sharing their mutual shell shock at their near-misses, it had been easy to share his abuse with her. With Terri – he knew he could never talk to Terri about something like that, knew he could never share it except in special circumstances to a special person. "I don't want to talk about it, OK, so drop it," she said in a tone that reminded her of when he had been twenty-four and full of himself and the fact he was the most important person in the universe.

"You know, Jack, sometimes you remind me that you're only twenty-seven," she said to his retreating back, the frustration in her voice apparent.

* * *

"I want to file a complaint against Rachel," Jack said, storming into Zoe's office the next day. "She showed up to my house looking to cause trouble between Terri and I."

"You don't have to worry about it, Jack. She's already quit," Zoe said, which had absolutely been the last thing she had needed to learn this morning. She had refused to tell Gabrielle what had happened, but Zoe had managed to get it out of her. Rachel had been reluctant to admit to Gabrielle what had transpired between her and Jack the day before but had opened up to Zoe. Now Gabrielle was not only one nurse down, but had one less ally in the hospital. "You don't have to look so surly about the fact she beat you to it, either. I can't believe you picked a fight with her."

"I did not! _She_ came to _my_ house. _She_ picked a fight with _me_!"

"And you decided to get even by telling her – how did she put it – that you slept with her because you couldn't be assed finding someone you were attracted to? Jack, that was cruel. And a lie, I hope."

Jack shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "Well, so what? She threatened to tell Terri about what happened to me."

"And Terri doesn't know that already... _why_?" Zoe asked. Jack shoved his pockets in deeper. It made perfect sense to him, but he couldn't articulate it to anyone else. Zoe let the lack of answer slide. She had a feeling it was because he shared a bond with Gabrielle that he never had – and never would – with Terri. _Jesus Christ, would the pair of you just sort things out? _she asked silently.

Pissed off that Rachel had beaten him to making a complaint against her by quitting, he went to see Gabrielle later that day. "Was it your idea to sent Rachel to have a go at me, or did she come up with it all on her own?" he asked.

Gabrielle, who knew nothing of why Rachel had quit – again – was floored. "I'm sorry?" she asked.

Jack was still too angry over Rachel's little stunt to realise that Gabrielle genuinely had no idea what he was talking about. "Rachel came to my house to spout off some drivel about how I'm meant to be with you. And you know how she got me alone? By threatening to tell Terri about what happened to me."

"Oh, God." She knew how Jack would have responded to something like _that_; by getting confrontational. And she knew Jack could be mean when he got confrontational. "I didn't know anything about it," she said honestly. "But I did tell her that you and Terri were together – I was upset, and she wanted to know. I'm sorry I told her now if this is the consequence. I need her a hell of a lot more than I need you."

_There_, she thought triumphantly. She could be mean, too. He scowled at her. She had once needed him a great deal. He missed her so much. He looked at her intently, taking her in, one inch of her body at a time. God, but she was so gorgeous. He remembered every nuance of her body, the way her fingers would curl through his hair, the way she would cuddle into his body – he was never going to find someone that he was so compatible with, and he knew it. His eyes rested on her swollen stomach and he knew he would never find anyone as attractive and sexy as he found Gabrielle right now.

"Really?" he asked coolly. "There was a time I could have sworn otherwise."

And she remembered the way he could wrap his body around hers and not make her feel obscenely tall and how once, before all this drama with Terri had started, she could fall asleep in his arms knowing that everything was right in the world so long as she was with Jack, and she suddenly hated him with a passion for taking all that from her. "I was better off before I met you!" she yelled at him. "I was better off with some jerk who cheated on me and gave me STDs."

She realised too late that in describing Steve, she was describing someone he despised in humanity – his father. His eyes were flashing dangerously and she began to spurt out an apology. But the words never made it out of her mouth. Jack grabbed her and kissed her hard, not sure exactly what he was doing but he wanted to make her want him, wanted to expose her as the liar she was for saying that she wished she had never met him.

She moaned into his mouth and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him back just as hard, thrusting her tongue into his mouth, pushing her body against his. He accommodated her growing body remarkably well and his hands went to her hair, yanking out those dozens of damn bobby pins that he hated with a passion – never more so than now – sending her hair tumbling down her back. God help him, but she felt so right in his arms, tall and strong and carrying his baby. He pushed her towards the couch and thrust his crotch against her thigh provocatively.

She felt his desire immediately and gave a gasp of relief. So he had never stopped wanting her. She wanted to cry for joy. "Jack," she moaned.

It was on the tip of his tongue to cry out her name when it was precisely that which stopped him. _Gabrielle_, he thought. He wasn't with Gabrielle, he was with Terri.

He shoved her away as violently as his subconscious would allow, given her position. Gabrielle looked at him with confusion. A second ago he had been kissing her like his world would end if he didn't, and now he was looking at her with – was that _disgust_? "Jack?" she asked tentatively. She went to put a hand on his arm, but he jerked back as if afraid her touch might contaminate him.

"Don't," he said raggedly. "Jesus Christ, _what have you done to me?_"

"Jack?" she asked again in an even smaller voice.

"You think _you_ wish you'd never met _me_? You come into my life, you make me fall in love with you, you betray me and just when I think I've _finally_ done the right thing, you – you – you be _you_ and make me want you all over again," he ranted, knowing it wasn't fair to blame her for his own lack of control, but it made him feel slightly better to blame her for making him kiss her than taking responsibility for his own rash actions.

"Jack," she said again, this time close to tears. Did he mean that? Did he really think he was better off without her? Better off with Terri? Was she just – someone he couldn't help being attracted to, for all that he hated himself for it?

He wiped his mouth with the back of her hand, wishing she would stop looking at him like that, with her mouth wet and kissable. "Just leave me be, OK," he told her. "Just leave me in peace." And with that he turned and bolted for the door, leaving a devastated Gabrielle in his wake.

* * *

Zoe had never felt insecure about either her looks or her intelligence, but upon meeting the legendary Tanya Gregova, she felt insignificant in comparison. A stunning woman in her late-thirties, she was equal parts beauty, brilliance and ambition. The kind of ambition that made her Chief Administrator at Canberra State, the country's leading research and teaching hospital. Technically, she held the same position that Oliver Marone did at All Saints, except everyone knew that Tanya wasn't merely an administrator. She could frequently be found putting in hours in one of her specialities – emergency medicine and cardiovascular. And she had helped put Canberra State on the map, both in the country and the world.

And that had been entirely a good thing until six months ago when she had taken leave to tour the world in her capacity as a physician and surgeon, and her ED HoD had taken advantage of her absence and, to put it politely, run amok. The media had had a field day when the story could no longer be contained. Drugs and equipment that went missing – suspected to have ended up on the black market – tests billed to the government that had never taken place, a truly creative system of logging hours which resulted in a phenomenal amount of overtime and not much base-pay shifts.

In short, Tanya had returned to find her ED in a mess and the press howling for blood. Preferably hers, since hers was such a high-profile name and as such, it was easy to foist the responsibility onto her. Something Tanya herself took quite seriously. "Regardless of who was actually responsible, it was my bad judgement that put them there," she said. 'Them' being, among others, both her HoD and 2IC. Canberra State was now in desperate need of its ED being restaffed, and the rumour mill had been cranking for weeks over who that would be.

"I don't get how I come into this," Zoe said, although she had a feeling she knew _exactly _how she came into it.

Tanya laughed at that. "You should know that I don't take well to false modesty," she said. "You have a reputation for being an excellent physician – almost as good as Frank Campion, and a far better administrator. You deserve better than to be stuck in a place with a Head of Department that plays favourites and puts them ahead of a cohesive team."

Zoe looked confused. Tanya's assessment of the ED staff as it currently stood went beyond simply knowing Frank by reputation; she had to have someone who knew the situation and had spoken to Tanya about it, at least off the record. It certainly didn't sound like Oliver Marone's handiwork; while he might be quick to complain about Frank, he would be loathe to praise Zoe for exactly this reason; in case an administrator from another hospital decided a little poaching was in order. So who did she know who had the intelligence and charisma to have the ear of Tanya Gregova? Who would both speak highly of Zoe and have someone like Tanya _listen_? She was a legend, not only for being a brilliant doctor, but being somewhat prickly when it came to those she thought beneath her in intelligence and personality. Which, in all fairness, was most people.

Then it hit her. "Jack," she said. He and Tanya were both AUMEL alumni; in fact, Zoe had a vague memory of the woman putting an appearance in at Jack's birthday party. At least, that was what she had heard. She hadn't actually been able to make it on account that everyone else had been desperate to go and _someone_ had needed to stay and run the ED.

Tanya didn't look the least bit surprised that Zoe had worked it out. "We go way back," she said in a tone that made Zoe well aware of just how far back they went. "I was his mentor."

That surprised her. Tanya was notorious for not taking on protégés, despite the vast intelligence and experience that any student or intern would have begged for. But on second thought, it didn't really surprise her. Jack, she had found, had an intelligence far beyond that of your typical arrogant surgeon, and on top of that, he had a certain brand of sexuality that was clear even when he wasn't flaunting it. No doubt everything he had learned, he had done so from Tanya.

So Jack had recommended her to Tanya Gregova. She hadn't realised he had those kind of connections. She hadn't realised he had thought so much of her. "If you and Jack go way back," she said cautiously. "Then why has he never worked for you?"

"He's always had something tying him to Sydney," Tanya said. "Or, rather, some_one_. Whenever a position opened up, he had someone here to stay for. Right now I think it's – "

"Terri Sullivan," Zoe finished.

Tanya looked blank for a second, trying to recall who Terri Sullivan was. "Ah, Mitch Steven's widow," she said, and it was apparent to Zoe that, close as they might be, Jack had never told her about Terri. She smiled inwardly at that, wondering if Jack was too scared to admit to this woman, who by reputation was indomitable, that he had left his pregnant girlfriend to hook up with an ex who was more than ten years older than him. Tanya's next words confirmed Zoe's thoughts. "I don't know what she is to Jack, but I was talking about Gabrielle Jaeger."

"You know they broke up?" Zoe asked.

"I know. And I also know no-one made him happy the way she did – as much as I would _love_ to take credit for it," she added dryly. "I think he's a how – how do you say it – bloody idiot and I hope he doesn't waste too much time before he realises it."

Zoe laughed at that. She had a feeling she would like working with Tanya. Or _for_ her, rather. "What are you offering me?" she asked.

"Head of Department," Tanya responded. "I think you'll find I'm far easier to work with than Frank Campion... or Oliver Marone." There was a tone in her voice that she had met both of them and thought little of either, at least as administrators. That, or Jack had really confided in her. Which made sense if he felt Tanya was the only one he could talk to outside the politicking of his particular hospital.

Zoe thought quickly. It was more than a generous offer; a promotion in a hospital bigger and better equipped than All Saints. It currently didn't have the best reputation in the world but that was because of, in her own words, Tanya's lack of judgement when it came to her ED HoD. "Who else do you need to replace?" she asked.

Tanya sighed and gave a put-upon expression to think of exactly how much trouble had been caused by certain ED staff. Those who were honest had been shunted out of the way or bullied into quitting, and replaced by those who would turn a blind eye to the corruption, if not partake in it entirely. "Head of Department," she said. "I can do without a 2IC for the meantime, but what I really need is a Nursing Unit Manager. Not to mention most of the doctors need to be replaced, about half the nurses and a few orderlies."

Zoe whistled softly; that was worse than she had imagined. But in put her in an excellent position. "I may be able to help you," she said. "And as a bonus, it might even bring Jack back to Canberra."

The next day, she knocked on Rachel's door. The younger woman looked pleased, if somewhat confused, to see her. "I have a proposition for you," she said. "Do you have much holding you in Sydney?"

"Not really, no," she said. There was her family, but they weren't super-close, so all that was really holding her in Sydney was convenience. If a great offer came up somewhere else, she would be tempted to take it.

"Try 2IC Nursing Unit Manager for the ED at Canberra State," Zoe offered.

Rachel's eyes nearly popped out of her head. 2IC NUM was a lucrative position for someone her age, let alone at a hospital as prestigious as Canberra State. And it wasn't even that far away, either, "What – how – when did you hear about this?"

"Tanya Gregova herself," Zoe said, a trifle smugly. "And the kicker is – _she_ sought me out because apparently she and Jack are close and he's been telling her everything that's gone on in the ED the past year."

"So why doesn't she just approach Jack?"

"She has. Several times. He's always had something – or someone – tying him to Sydney. But I reckon I can take care of that, too..."

* * *

"That Commie spy!" Frank raged when he heard. "That sneaky... no-good... Commie spy!"

"Actually, Frank, if you'd bothered to learn anything about her, you'd know that she can't stand Communism," Zoe said sweetly. God help her for her pettiness, but it was sweet revenge to see the look of sheer panic on Frank's face as it sank in that his 2IC and NUM were leaving. _Let's see Terri and Charlotte cover your back as well as Gabrielle and I do_, she thought.

Frank glowered. He had, of course, met Tanya Gregova in the course of her meteoric rise in the medical community, and had disliked her on sight. _No-one_ could be that good _and_ get along with administrations as well as she did – enough to be the head of Canberra State and not yet forty. So he had been more than a little delighted when he had heard that Canberra State's ED HoD had taken her absence as an opportunity to run amok – as had several men older than her who hadn't achieved half as much.

Well, he wasn't laughing now that Tanya had pilfered two of his best staff. Sneaky, no-good Commie spy. "I'll give you both – a – twenty-percent raise," Frank offered, for once in the same mindset as Oliver Marone; better to pony up the cash than lose two good staff members to Canberra. State hospitals hated losing resources to the central government no less than anyone else did.

"Oh, and you'll give me your job to go with it?" she asked, enjoying herself thoroughly. She got that Frank had been misguided, rather than malicious, in his favourite-playing games, but whatever his intentions, the results had been the same; neither Zoe nor Gabrielle felt that their department was theirs to run, their subordinates theirs to hire, fire and direct as they saw fit. "And pony up the dough for a 2IC NUM? And get Rachel to come back – _again_?"

Rachel's part in it had been in stroke of genius, if Zoe did say so herself. Gabrielle needed a job in administration so she worked business hours, but not only was she unlikely to find another such position at her age, but she would struggle doing the position she had on her own. And Rachel would love the experience of being 2IC, not to mention the better pay and hours that came with it.

"Rachel? What's she got to do with it?" Frank asked. His eyes narrowed when Zoe explained. "Commie spy," he said again.

"Actually, that was my idea," Zoe said.

Frank looked resigned. Zoe must have a list of things she wanted. Well, she must know that she had to get them through Oliver Marone. _That_ thought sheered him up a little. "What do you want?" he asked.

"The same thing I've wanted for the past eighteen months," she said. "A boss that had my back. One I didn't have to cover for to admin. The ability to hire, fire and direct my staff as I saw fit. A superior who wasn't always running around after favourites who only had themselves to blame for their problems."

Vaguely, Frank remembered how Zoe had protested when he had led Bart off with a rap across the knuckles for telling a patient's wife about his condition – or how he had told her to drop it when she had mentioned his unprofessionalism in dating Annie – or how annoyed she had been when he had let Bart run around with Erica, planning her wedding, when he was supposed to be working. "OK, maybe I cut Bart some leeway – a little too much," he admitted.

"It's not just Bart, Frank. It's Charlotte. It's Terri. Are you not aware of how much this team's dynamic has disintegrated since she got here?"

"You can't blame her for that!"

"No, but I can blame _you_. Jesus Christ, you _knew_ how much people see her as some kind of saint in this place – you must have had _some_ idea what it would be like for Gabrielle to live in her shadow. It's too late for any better offers now, Frank. We _have_ better offers. I'll get a promotion, Gabrielle will be closer to her dad and brother, and we'll both be working at the best hospital in the country."

Frank started to say something about Canberra State being the best hospital in the country, but then he thought of something better. "What's Quade got to do with this?" he asked.

Zoe just smiled mysteriously. She got a thrill out of conspiring with no less than Tanya Gregova. And they both had a feeling that this move would force Jack to make a choice, once and for all.

* * *

"_Canberra!_ " Jack screamed at Gabrielle when he found out. "Like hell are you taking my child to _Canberra_!" Canberra State, of all places. He scowled at that. He knew, just _knew_, that Tanya was behind this. She had made no secret of how much she approved of Gabrielle, had gone to far as to say that she was the best thing that had ever happened to Jack, including herself, which was quite a statement for someone as brilliant, beautiful and ambitious as Tanya was. And now, conveniently, Zoe and Gabrielle were going to work there – with Rachel, no less.

Jack got the feeling he was being had. Tanya was a certified, MENSA-card-carrying genius, and Zoe was no slouch in the intelligence department herself, and Jack had personally witnessed how underhanded she could be for what she believed was the greater good. He _knew_ they were conspiring against him. But how could he accuse them of it without looking stupid? It was a terrific offer for Zoe – a promotion in a more prestigious hospital to All Saints, and it meant Gabrielle would be closer to her family, who lived close to the Victorian border.

And ironically, he only had himself to blame, for venting his frustrations about the way Frank ran the ED to Tanya so she knew _exactly_ who might be interested in such a plum position as HoD of the ED.

"You're not taking my child to Canberra," he repeated in a quieter voice.

"I believe you yourself told me that you knew you had jack-all rights for the next four months," Gabrielle reminded Jack sweetly, buoyed by Zoe's plan. It was flawed, of course, but it was better all-around than staying at All Saints where she would forever be 'Terri Sullivan's replacement'. NUM in a hospital that had world prestigious, less than half the distance to her brother and father and friends in Widgee than she currently was in Sydney, a position created for Rachel to be her 2IC. Gabrielle closed her eyes at the heavenly thought. A deputy she could trust to be loyal firstly to her. Someone who got that sometimes she had to pick up a little slack because Gabrielle was tired and cranky or had to stay with her baby when they were sick; someone who saw the opportunity as a challenge and a display of loyalty to both friend and superior. The thought of returning to All Saints and the continued battle for control of the nursing staff between her and Terri only made the idea sound even more heavenly. She wasn't sure she would give up the Canberra State job even if Jack _did_ take her back. And he had made it clear that he wasn't going to. So even if Zoe's plan didn't work, she was still better off than she was here.

"You selfish bitch," he said coldly.

She glared at him. That was one meanness too many from him. _He_ had dumped her, _he_ had shacked up with the woman who's shadow she had lived under since she had gotten here three years ago, _he_ was the reason people were talking about her behind her back, and now he had the nerve to call _her_ selfish? That was it. She had had it with his lofty morality. So she had tricked him into a baby; it wasn't like he had always acted in the best interest of her and their relationship.

She slapped him hard, and it felt good. "You bastard!" she yelled at him. "You want to talk about selfish? You have _no idea_ what it was like for me to live under her shadow – even before she got back. And when she did, you did _nothing_ to support me. I was supposed to be your girlfriend, and you gave her and that precious _brat_ of hers more loyalty than you did me."

Jack had never realised how unhappy Gabrielle had been, both since Terri had been back and before. And yet – it made sense. The ED NUMs position wasn't an easy one to fill, both because of Frank and because so many people remembered that it had once been Terri Sullivan's position – even though she had held it for less than a year, even though Gabrielle had held down the job the longest f any NUM since Frank had become ED HoD. She was good at her job; better even, then Terri, although that had counted for squat in a lot of people's eyes, and Jack hadn't truly realised that until now. "Gabrielle, I – "

But Gabrielle was on a roll. "You think I _enjoyed_ having people question my age and competence? You think it was a walk in the park for me to hear people wonder how a _kid_ could possibly fill the shoes of the Great Saint Terri?"

"I never – "

"Oh, I know you never thought that, Jack. But you never stopped to think that maybe _other_ people thought that," Gabrielle said bitterly, and it struck Jack as how old and tired she suddenly looked, having fought one too many battles to be taken seriously for someone of her age following in the footsteps of someone of Terri's legend. "I'd never have come to Sydney if I had known how hard this would all be. I certainly wouldn't have tried following in _her_ footsteps," she added with a vehemence that made Jack think she was referring more to being his girlfriend than the NUM. "But I have this opportunity now and you _will not_ take it away from me. Do you understand that? For once do you understand that I can't stand to be around here anymore. I won't give it up! I won't!"

She was crying and screaming now and it began to stink into Jack's brain how unsupportive he had been of her. He should have taken up her cause to begin with. He should have told Frank it wasn't a good idea to have Terri working in the ward. He should have taken it up with Oliver Marone, Elizabeth Foy, anyone who might have understood what a bad idea it was to have the two women working together and might have shifted Terri somewhere else at least. He should have been upfront with Terri from the very beginning and he certainly shouldn't have given her any indication that it was OK to kiss him – had he? He couldn't remember, maybe he'd just been having so much fun at his birthday and maybe she'd interpreted his friendliness with flirting. At any rate, he shouldn't have done it. He should have given Gabrielle all his loyalty and made it clear to Terri that she had no claim on him anymore, not even through Lucy.

He should have known when he had a good thing and not stuffed it up all the way through trying to negotiate a middle ground between the two women when he knew perfectly well how much it sucked to have _her_ ex always in his face. He should have remembered what it had been like to keep Steve in her life.

No wonder she wanted to go to Canberra. A plum position in a prestigious hospital, much closer to her family then she was now, and best of all. No Terri. Or Jack.

He grabbed her hands and pulled her into a tight hug. She beat her fists against his back and he took the assault unflinchingly. "I'm going!" she screamed at him. "You can't stop me! You can't make me do anything anymore! I don't owe you anything!"

He led her over to the couch and she sobbed into his shoulder, her anger spent. "It's OK," he said, and he knew, for once, he had to do the right thing by her, even if it broke his heart. "You can go to Canberra if you think it's best for you. I won't try to stop you."


	9. Chapter 9

There was something about the beautiful young blond woman that seemed familiar to Terri. Her face looked familiar, but more than that – it was her poise, that arrogant confidence in her own beauty and other attributes that Terri was sure she had seen before, she just couldn't remember. She shrugged it off. Probably just one of the many beautiful would-be models and actresses that flocked to Sydney in the hope of more opportunities than were to be had in whatever towns and cities that they came from. If not one of the many beautiful women that flocked to Cougars in the hope of finding a surgeon boyfriend. She threaded her fingers through Jack's and squeezed his hand. She trusted him, of course – especially now that Gabrielle was safely tucked away in Canberra – so she tried not to let it bother her. It was just that it _did_, the amount of women who were attracted to Jack. She couldn't believe it had never bothered her before; but then, she had never cared about him like this before.

"I'm going to get a drink," she said to him. "Do you want something?"

"Just a TEDs," he said. Terri nodded slightly.

With perfect timing, the blond woman waited until Terri was too far away to get back to her seat in time and plonked herself down in it. She shared a conspiring glance with Cate, who had witnessed her pull the same stunt with Deanna. No-one was more possessive of Jack than his own sister.

Across the room at the bar, Terri scowled to see the blond sit down in _her_ seat and Jack's face immediately light up to see her. He had been so restless lately, and she resented that someone else could make him smile like that. Then she remembered why the girl looked so familiar. She was in several photos that Jack had lying around the place; that, and she possessed that same youthful arrogance that Jack had at her age. Or, rather, when Jack had been twenty-four. Rebecca was now twenty-one.

Terri felt a fission of nervousness. She had not yet met Rebecca, who was based in Canberra because she went to university there. _Canberra_. It had not yet crossed Terri's mind that now both she and Gabrielle lived there, and that they were on very good terms. It _had_, however, crossed her mind that she was twenty years older then Rebecca, one of the reasons she was happy for the beautiful young woman to live in Canberra. Terri didn't care to have her boyfriend's sister hanging around all the time when said sister was young enough to be her _daughter_.

She made her way back to the table and sat opposite Jack, determined not to pick a fight with the younger woman over something so petty as a chair. "You must be Terri," Rebecca said, her smile not quite reaching her eyes.

Terri nodded. "And you must be Rebecca," she said. "How's life in Canberra?"

"Boring. The best university in the country and it has to be in the most boring capital," she complained.

"'Cos you would know, what with all your travels," Jack teased.

Rebecca poked her tongue out. "Tanya sends her love," she said. "She's so cool. I wish I'd chosen to study medicine now."

"You said it was the most boring thing you could think of!" Jack said indignantly.

"Yeah, that was when _you_ suggested it," she retorted. "Tanya's the coolest. She's so smart and ambitious, I can see why you think so much of her."

Cate started to splutter, and just barely managed to swallow down the drink that was in her mouth. She had seen that glint in her eyes, heard the tone in her voice, two and a half years ago with Deanna. Rebecca was out for blood, determined to establish that she was far more important to Jack than Terri was.

Terri turned her head slightly, knowing full well that Rebecca had made the comment to get in a dig at her. She had always known that Jack had a long history with Tanya Gregova, but it was one thing to know that and another to have it come out of Rebecca's mouth, to know that Rebecca had found a quasi-mentor in Tanya, that by dint of proximity they both saw a lot of Gabrielle and Rachel. Terri had this uncomfortable image of the four of them bonding over their mutual opinion that Jack was meant to be with no-one but Gabrielle.

The conversation continued, with Rebecca holding Jack's interest with a steady stream of information about university and what she had gleamed about the goings-on of the Canberra State ED. She did it so expertly that if several people at the table weren't aware that she was deliberately keeping Jack's attention off Terri because she had done it before, no-one would have guessed. "Is she doing this deliberately?" Heath asked Cate.

"Yep." Cate wondered if Zoe had known this all along when she had arranged for the move to Canberra. Even though she had relinquished any claim she had to Jack or her position at All Saints, in a way she was in a stronger position. Jack was obviously unhappy and distracted over Gabrielle's departure, and the bets were already on as to how long it would take before he couldn't stand being so far away from his unborn child. And as much as Jack clearly adored Terri, it was doubtful Terri was ever going to claim the same love he felt for Rebecca. People were starting to wonder if there would come a time when Terri couldn't compete with the combined appeal of Gabrielle and Rebecca.

Terri knew she shouldn't have let her guard down when Rebecca started asking her questions about her life. "You've achieved a lot for what, forty-five?" she asked, deliberately adding four years onto what she knew was Terri's age.

"Forty-one," Terri replied, instantly falling for the age-old trick of getting a woman to admit her age by deliberately guessing too high.

"Really? You look so _good_ for your age," she said, and those who had witnessed her in action before cringed inwardly, knowing what she was up to. "You're only five years younger then my mum – only two years older then when she died."

For a split second, the table went dead quiet. Rebecca had pulled a masterstroke. Then Jack said, "No, she's not."

Rebecca smiled sweetly at her brother. "I think I know how old she was, Jack. She was only forty-three when she died. She just looked a lot older." She paused and then said musingly, as if she were merely thinking out loud and not driving home that Terri was old enough to be her mother, "I'm twenty-one now and my mum had two children when she was twenty-six. She was just eighteen when she had Jack. I just can't fathom having a child that young."

Cate made a hasty exit to the bathroom. Rebecca had just announced to all and sundry that Terri was a mere five years younger than Carla Rowe was, and old enough to be her younger child's mother. That she wasn't old enough to be Jack's mother was beside the point.

Terri quivered with rage at being spoken to like that. "How could you let her speak to me like that!" she raged at Jack when he took her home.

"Well, I didn't exactly know in advance what she was going to say," he said.

"Oh, what, _Tanya sends her love_? Really, Jack, how stupid do you think I am? She hates me and she'd do anything to make me look like – like – " she faltered for words.

"Like what?" Jack pressed.

"Like I'm too old for you. Like you'd be far better off in Canberra with Tanya's influence and Gabrielle close by. Don't try to deny it," she snapped when Jack opened his mouth.

"I wasn't going to deny that that's _her_ opinion," Jack said. "But it's not mine. Look, do you know how many times Tanya's asked me to work at Can-State? I've lost count. If I thought I'd be happier there, I'd have gone already. I _like_ it here and I have no intention of leaving – either Sydney _or_ you."

But even as he said the words, he knew he missed Rebecca. And Gabrielle.

* * *

Frank was living up to his Cranky nickname. Naturally, as humans are apt to do, he hadn't realised just how much Zoe and Gabrielle had done for him and the ED until they were gone. He hadn't realised until now just how well they had held the ED together when he had gone to Paris chasing after Eve. He had forgotten just how much he had appreciated Zoe in Charlotte's absence, enough to give her a promotion. Now that he had Charlotte and Terri in their positions, he realised just how good at their jobs they had been.

Oh, Charlotte and Terri were good at their jobs, there was no denying that. But they were both mothers, and as such, their children came first. It would have been the same with Gabrielle eventually, but since Frank had never known that side of her, he was apt not to think about it in terms like that.

The dynamics of the ED team had been increasingly strained; they just didn't gel the way they used to, and Frank was forced to admit, now that they were gone, that Zoe and Gabrielle were hugely responsibility for the cohesiveness of the team. And Erica's death hadn't helped matters. As much as he adored his only niece, Amy wasn't nearly as good a nurse as the late Mrs. Goldman had been.

Frank sighed. Nothing was as pleasant as it had been six months ago. He was sorry now he had put Gabrielle in a position that she felt she had no other option than to leave the state – even if the ACT _was_ within New South Wales borders – sorry that it hadn't occurred to him that she might feel threatened by Terri, both professionally and personally.

And Jack didn't seem all that happy. It was obvious to everyone – even Terri – that he was finding not having Gabrielle around more and more difficult to deal with. And no-one knew that better than Rebecca. Frank's lips curved up into a grim smile. He had heard about the comment about Terri and Carla's respective ages second-hand, and it had been obvious from that moment what the younger woman was up to. She was clearly team-Gabrielle and always had been. Frank had also long-since heard of the way she had treated Deanna – she could be just manipulative and vicious in her own way, only, in her own words, 'using her powers for good' – and he knew having Rebecca offside was a major disadvantage if you wanted to date Jack. As she was hugely fond of pointing out, he could always find another girlfriend but he only had one sister.

Frank sighed again. He wished now he had been more perceptive to the volatility of the situation. But things were always easier to see in hindsight.

* * *

"You OK? You seem a bit distracted," Charlotte told Terri diplomatically. She hadn't known Terri until after she and Mitch had properly gotten together, so she had missed all the angst of his tumultuous marriage to Rose, but she imagined Terri had acted over it much the same as she was acting now. Distracted, anxious, insecure – despite landing the job she'd wanted from the moment she'd gotten back and having gotten rid of her rival. Not to mention Rachel, who could be as much of a thorn in Terri's side as Gabrielle's at times.

"Fine," Terri said unconvincingly.

"Where's Jack?"

"Bec's up for the weekend," Terri said shortly. The two of them, were out on the town having a ball, with Rebecca whispering in Jack's ear at every opportunity, singing Gabrielle's praises, telling him how many professional opportunities were to be had in Canberra, not to mention how close they would be geographically – and wouldn't he rather work for Zoe and Tanya then Frank and Oliver?

Terri had to concede _that_ point. _She_ would much rather work with Zoe Gallagher and Tanya Gregova over Frank and Oliver, too. She had forgotten just how much crap the ED NUM suffered at Frank's hands, hadn't realised until now just how much interference Gabrielle ran between the staff and Frank. Not for the first time, she felt a twinge of guilt at how many times she had resented Gabrielle for having the position she had never entirely stopped thinking of as hers. It was a difficult job, and she had done it well – better that Terri herself had, Terri had to admit in a moment of deep honesty.

Charlotte nodded understandingly. "Ah," she said.

"I've never met someone so –" Terri struggled to find the words.

"Underhanded, manipulative, utterly loyal?" Charlotte asked. Terri nodded. "She's always been like that. As certain people found to their detriment," she added with a laugh. "Sorry," she said apologetically when she saw Terri frowning. Terri hadn't even needed to hear from Charlotte that Rebecca had already dispatched with one girlfriend that she didn't like; it was well-known that Jack let Rebecca have the final word on his love-life. About as well-known as Rebecca public disapproval of Terri.

And Terri hated it. Hated having this slip of a girl sniffing her nose up at her. Hated that Rebecca's crack about being old enough to be her mother was something people remembered. Hated that she fit his need for family and took every opportunity to remind him that all the family he cared about were currently living in Canberra. How could she compete with that? "I think I preferred Rose," Terri admitted with a bitterness that was unusual for her. "She wasn't nearly as intelligent." Charlotte started to laugh, but then she realised Terri was being perfectly serious, and that it _had_ to be pretty serious if Terri thought she'd prefer to have paranoid, mentally unbalanced Rose Carlton over Rebecca Rowe.

"It can't be that bad," she said simply, although from memory, Rebecca _could_ be that bad. It was just the only other time Charlotte had seen Rebecca so out for blood had been for Deanna's, and Deanna had totally deserved it.

"It _is_ that bad," Terri said. "She hates me and she's doing everything in her power to break us up." She raked her fingers through her hair, feeling every minute her age. It had never bothered her, not even when she was with Jack, but when it came to Rebecca... "I wish I had known at the time how much he loved me," she admitted. "I seem to have a problem with not working that out until it's too late."

Charlotte offered her a sympathetic smile, although she had no idea how she could help her friend. "Jack loves you," she said. "And he made his choice." But even she didn't sound that convinced, so she couldn't blame Terri for not believing her.

* * *

"How come I always have to come up here?" Rebecca complained playfully. "You should come to Canberra. It's pretty."

Jack laughed. "I used to live there, Bec. It's a hole."

"Yeah... but _I_ live there. Doesn't that count for anything?"

"You know it does, but I'm happy here."

Rebecca detected a note of insincerity in his voice. Zoe had been giving her a running commentary about the state of things at All Saints – Tanya Gregova had a nose for ferreting out dissent and she passed it on to her new ED HoD, who passed it onto Gabrielle, and since Gabrielle and Rebecca were very good friends these days, it never took long for Tanya's opinions to reach Rebecca's ears – usually before they reached Jack's. And from what Tanya had gathered, the working relationship of the staff of the All Saints ED was rapidly deteriorating. It was said that Frank Campion had finally realised how well Zoe and Gabrielle had held the ward together – far better than Charlotte and Terri.

Rebecca had little issue with Charlotte and Terri – apart from the fact that they were Team Terri, which directly conflicted with her own interests. She had known Charlotte for as long as she had known Jack, and approved of the steadying influence she had in Jack's life. Theirs might be an unconventional relationship, but they got along well, and contrary to popular belief, Rebecca knew better than to interfere in every personal relationship Jack had. No, she liked Charlotte, and would probably have liked Terri if they had known each other under different circumstances, so she kind of felt sorry for them now that they were stuck with a disintegrating team. Especially when in hadn't been that long ago that they had both been delighted to have said positions.

But for all that, the disintegrating team meant that Jack wasn't entirely sincere in being happy in Sydney. He didn't like working for an administration headed by Oliver Marone more than anyone else did, and Charlotte didn't have the same knack of smoothing ruffled feathers over – usually caused by Frank in the first place – and on top of that, a cloud had settled over the ED following the discovery of Erica Templeton-Goldman's body and Dan Goldman's abrupt departure from the hospital.

Working with a fairer boss and a much better administration away from the sadness of the All Saints ED had to be looking good, no matter what Jack said to the contrary.

"You should at least come for a visit," Rebecca insisted. "I'm the baby of the family, _you_ should be coming to see _me_."

Jack poked his tongue out at her. He had never for one second bought Rebecca's 'baby of the family' line. He hadn't met her until she'd been eighteen and he'd been twenty-five. That was hardly a baby.

Shortly after, Terri came back from her night with Charlotte. She frowned slightly when she saw Rebecca there. Jack had a right to have his sister over, but the girl set her nerves on edge, and having her here, in her house, made her feel even more insecure in Jack's affections. "Where's Lucy?" she asked. He was supposed to pick her up from Margaret's.

"Margaret agreed to keep her for the night," Jack said, unconcerned. He knew Margaret saw Lucy as a real niece, and that Lucy thought of her as an aunt, and didn't see any issue with letting the little girl stay with her. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"When you say you'll pick her up, Jack, I expect you to do just that," Terri said, more snappy than she had intended. She immediately hated herself for sounding so clingy. It wasn't like he had abandoned her somewhere suspect. Or that he didn't have a right to spend time with the sister he barely saw – well, that he didn't see as much as he would have liked to. Which Terri didn't see as particularly true, because with the way Rebecca contrived to make trips up to Sydney, she and Jack saw more of each other than Terri and Margaret did of one another.

Jack looked slightly taken aback. Terri had only been that short with him twice before (at least in the time they had been together this year; she had been plenty short with him when they had first gotten together four years ago and he had constantly been pushing for more intimacy); when Rachel had shown up on the doorstep and forced him to hide something from her, and when Rebecca had insulted her with that comment about her age. "I didn't realise it was that important. It's not like I dumped her on a stranger."

Terri wasn't in the mood to be mollified. "You can't just change your mind because something more interesting comes along, Jack," she snapped at him. "I have a newsflash for you; being a parent isn't something you can pick up and drop whenever it suits you."

"I never – " Jack said, but Rebecca placed a placating hand on his arm.

"I think I should go," she suggested. "See me out?" Jack nodded and followed her outside where he waited for her taxi to arrive. "She's just concerned," Rebecca said, surprising Jack with her sudden empathy towards Terri. She had made it clear she thought Terri was too old for him. "She's such an over-protective mum. I miss that," she added wistfully.

"I wish I'd known her," Jack said. His memories of Carla were so few and so vague, just silly things that he sensed more than remembered and chalked up to it being Carla because Stella would never have been that gentle and loving with him.

"I know you grew up with different memories than I did," Rebecca said tactfully, because Jack didn't have memories so much as the knowledge that Carla had abandoned him when he'd been too young to have any definitely memories of her. "But she was a good mum. I hope my kids get that. I hope yours do. Kids need family." And there it was; the subtle reminder that of the three people who would make up the only family Jack cared for his child to know, two of them lived in Canberra.

* * *

"How you holding up?"

"Fine. I wish you would stop fussing over me. Between you, Zoe and Bec, I'm ready to move again." Just not to the family farm, Gabrielle thought. Her dad and brother would drive her at _least_ as batty with their fussing as these three women did. "I have everything I can possibly think of." And more, because Jack seemed determined to set up her and his child with all the comforts he himself had missed out on. He'd sold the Bondi property he'd inherited from his mother to buy the house Gabrielle currently resided it. Not one to do something by halves, it was a large house – too large for what she needed, but Jack had been thinking long-term and wanted something with a lot of living space and a big backyard – with a nice view of Lake Burley-Griffith. He refused to let her pay rent - although he had set up a contract so on paper at least, she paid him rent – and insisted that she keep her own place in Sydney to lease out. With few expenses and her Sydney house paying itself off, her salary was hers pretty much her own. Jack was encouraging her to plan for her future. Whether it was out of a determination not to be like his dad and actually look after the interest of the mother of his child or because he was just being Jack and there was some part of him that still cared about her, she didn't know, but she appreciated it.

"Thinking about him?" Rachel asked. She had a knack of knowing when Gabrielle was thinking about Jack.

"Just... thinking about this place," she said, gesturing around the light, airy room.

"No-one could ever blame him of having poor taste," Rachel said drily. "At least when it comes to his possessions. Do you speak to him much?"

"Once every week or two. Mostly Bec acts as a go-between."

Rachel laughed at that. "Terri must _love_ that." She had had very little contact with Rebecca, but her reputation had preceded her. She was dying to ask if she knew how their relationship was going, but knew better than to ask. "I heard Frank's having a rough time without you and Zoe," she said instead. "Bet he's sorry he didn't think to treat his staff right to begin with."

Gabrielle couldn't resist a smug smile at that. She had once been angry at Frank for constantly undermining her authority, but now – well, things had worked out for the best, or at least as well as she could have hoped for given the circumstances. She couldn't believe how much easier it was to work with Zoe as HoD and someone like Tanya as Head of Administration. And she was practically living next door to her dad and brother.

The only thing that was missing in her life was Jack. But they had both made their choices there. And who was to say it would have worked between them anyway? He had hooked up with Terri just weeks after breaking up with her. Could she have really meant that much to him if he could turn around and do that to her? Or was it just that Terri was someone he could never get out of his system? In which case – why would she _want_ him back?

He had been friendly towards her during the move to Canberra, and more than generous with the house, with looking after her financially, with being interested in every element of the pregnancy – no easy feat given they technically didn't even live in the same state. She was grateful for that friendliness and concern when she had given him every reason to not want to have anything more to do with her. And yet that very friendliness was a stab to the heart every single time, because it reminded her of how easily he had cut himself off romantically from her. It was that turnaround that cut so deeply to her heart. In some ways, it would have been easier if he hated her.

She brought her knees up to her chest awkwardly, oblivious to Rachel's chatter. Thinking about Jack and the demise of their relationship always made her sad. Sadder still to know that she had brought it upon herself.

* * *

He kept his hand over her mouth, ostensibly to stop her from crying out and alerting Lucy, but in the past he had always done that by kissing her. He just didn't feel like kissing her tonight. He kept his eyes tightly shut and if he concentrated hard enough, he could almost imagine that he was with Gabrielle. He could imagine the extra height, the extra curves, the feel of her longer hair in his tight fist, the smell of her skin, the feel of it under his fingers.

He brought her to an orgasm and climaxed himself before rolling off her and onto his back. He felt restless and a bit dirty. He knew he'd done the wrong thing by Terri but few a minute or two, the temptation to imagine he was with Gabrielle had become too much.

The silence was unnatural, deafening, and Jack knew that Terri knew he'd been distracted. "You alright?" he asked stupidly, because he knew she wasn't, he knew he had done a lousy thing by her. And what made it worse was that he knew _exactly_ what wrong he had done by her, because _she_ had done it to _him_.

"Did I ever make you feel like that?" she asked bitterly.

"Feel like what?"

"Like you were just a warm body that I could use while I thought about someone else."

Jack's heart fell. He had known Terri knew – but to have it put so bluntly – to be reminded of how shitty she had made him feel when she had done it to him – it made him feel that much more dirty and guilty. "I'm sorry," he said.

"You still love her, don't you?" she asked. He didn't answer, which was all the answer she needed. She choked back a sob. She supposed she should have known from what everyone said – that he'd had something special with her that he'd never had with anyone else. You'd think she of all people should have known that, given she had felt that way about Mitch, had kept Jack at arm's length because of it. She wanted to berate him, wanted to yell at him, wanted to hit him, wanted to demand why he hadn't known better of himself... but she knew she would only be berating him for something she herself had done to him. "You should have realised," was all she could bring herself to say.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"I want you to leave. Take the job in Canberra. I don't know why you haven't already, it's a great opportunity for you," she said. Her voice felt dead. She knew she spoke to her patients with more emotion than this.

"What?" Jack asked. He had heard her, he just couldn't believe she was kicking him out.

"I want you to leave," she repeated. "Please, Jack, don't make a big deal about it. We'll all be happier. So just – pack a bag and go to Canberra and I'll send the rest of your stuff to you." Maybe they could even be friends again after a while. They had managed it once before, hadn't they?

Jack realised Terri had made up her mind, albeit in a very short period of time, and there was no convincing her otherwise. And... he wasn't sure he _wanted_ to be convinced otherwise. He couldn't deny that moving to Canberra had been a tempting proposition on his mind for some time now. Nor could he deny that he still loved Gabrielle.

He headed out the bedroom and stopped for a second at the door. He started to say he was sorry again, then realised the futility of it. Randomly, he remembered his first confrontation with Rachel, over a year ago now, and thought that maybe she had been right about him all along. He _was_ a prick.

* * *

"Who's there?" Gabrielle asked when she heard the sound of a key in the lock, even though she knew perfectly well who it was. There was only one other person who had the keys to the house, and that was the person who owned it.

"The only other person with keys," came Jack's voice. "At least I hope so. And Rachel, one of your back lights is out. You must have reversed it into something." He walked into the main living area where Gabrielle and Rachel were enjoying afternoon tea.

Gabrielle's heart flipped when she saw him. It had been weeks, but she had never forgotten exactly what he looked like. Even so, there was something sharper, more real about him – "What are you doing here?" she asked, her throat dry.

"I took Tanya's job offer," Jack said, perfectly casual, as if he _hadn't_ left his live-in girlfriend and the job he had insisted he was perfectly happy in.

"And you plan on staying here?" she asked.

"Um, yeah... I _do_ own it. Which reminds me – " he stared intently at Rachel, giving her a silent – and very clear – message that she was to scamper.

Rachel sent a look to Gabrielle. Jack wasn't going to intimidate her into leaving; it might be his place, but Gabrielle had a formal lease – ironically, to protect Jack from her claiming squatters rights because of a lack of formal agreement – which meant she could have friends over if she wanted. "It's fine," Gabrielle said. "We need to talk." _That we certainly do_. Jack had showed up on her doorstep – OK, his, really – with no warning and an announcement that he had taken the job Tanya had offered him an Canberra State and was moving in. Her mind raced. When had he decided this? Where did he stand with Terri?

Rachel left, and Jack and Gabrielle faced each other. "When did you decide this?" she asked.

"Night before last."

"What about Terri?"

"We broke up." He was too ashamed to admit exactly why they had broken up, that he had humiliated her because of his inability to work out what he wanted. That Terri had been so understanding about it despite the way he had treated her – he would much more preferred Rachel's name-calling and cold treatment of him. He would have felt better if she'd hit him.

"Oh." Gabrielle wasn't sure how she felt about that. "And you're staying here?" she asked, even though that had been established.

"I hardly see the point of me renting another place when I already own this one. And I want to be close to you and the baby."

The way he said _you and the baby_ immediately riled Gabrielle up. So he thought he could just waltzed in and pick up where they had left off before he had dumped her, did he? Before he had humiliated her by carrying on with Terri? And it hadn't even started with that – it had started when he hadn't taken her side when Terri's position at All Saints undermined her; it had started when Jack hadn't bothered to tell Terri about them in the first place and in doing so had led Terri to believe that there was hope in a reconciliation. "I hope you don't think you can just walk in here and put your hands on me like nothing ever happened," she said hotly.

"Relax. I'm not going to lay a finger on you... not if you don't want me to. I just want to be close to you both. You don't have to move out of the main bedroom, I'll take one of the smaller ones."

"Oh." Gabrielle couldn't work out why she felt a little disappointed. She hadn't wanted Jack to come barging in expecting to pick things up when they left off, but she hadn't wanted him to come in and act like all they were was friends – friends with a massive mutual investment, but friends nonetheless.

"How are you doing?" he asked her. "I mean, really. I know we haven't really spoken in a while," he admitted ruefully. Their conversations had been stilted, formal, not at all like two people who should be in love and looking forward to making a family together.

"I'm fine. I have the best care that a surgical salary can buy, remember?" she asked him.

"Make that 2IC," he corrected. Tanya's offer had been more than a generous one, given he didn't yet have his fellowship. He'd be Zoe's 2IC and be up for the next ED fellowship that came along. For the first time in two years, he remembered his old ambitions. He'd been lost for a long time, cruising along without putting any but the minimum effort into his career, but now he was beginning to remember he had once dreamed of a position like this – especially so young. A position like this could be the springboard to great things; and with great things, he could give Gabrielle and his unborn child everything they deserved.

"That's terrific, Jack," she said. She had known Tanya wanted Jack to work in her ED, but she hadn't known she was willing to offer him such a plum position. She remembered how ambitious he had once been, and how he had lost that two years ago following the reappearance of Patrick Wesley. It was good to see him looking to his future again. "You deserve it."

"Thanks." He stepped towards her, taking in her figure. Seeing her, over eight month's pregnant, made him glad that he had come here – even if it hadn't been his idea. Now that he was here, he couldn't imagine not being here. "You look great," he said. He reached out to touch her, his hands on her shoulders, down her arms, caressing her stomach. She leaned backwards and gripped the kitchen counter. Jack's touch had always done this to her. When he had kissed her, even though she had known he was with someone else, she hadn't been able to help herself and had kissed him back. She woke up in the middle of the night convinced she could feel his arms around her. And now that he was here, caressing her gently – she gripped the counter and shut her eyes tightly so he couldn't see the desire in them.

Jack caught her look, caught the way she was gripping the counter as if in pain. "Do I repulse you that much?" he asked quietly. She didn't reply, and he took that as a yes. He backed away. "I won't touch you again if you don't want me to," he said quietly.

* * *

He was as good as his word. He never touched her without her permission, and then only when it had something to do with the baby. He loved to touch her stomach to feel the baby move, and occasionally she found his hand on the small of her back to support her. But never anything sexual, never anything romantic.

Early in 2009 Benjamin – Gabrielle's choice – Travis – Jack's – Quade – Jack's insistence – was born. From then on, Jack looked at Gabrielle with love and adoration. She had been right when she had thought that by giving him a baby, she would bind him to her forever, but she hadn't anticipated just how much he would love her for it. She had given him the thing he had most wanted in the world, and he worshipped her for it.

He was everything she could have asked for in a man she shared a child with. He anticipated her needs and wants before they occurred to her. He had hired a nanny - a sweet girl, Caitlin Ryan, who Gabrielle had known from Widgee and who was studying childcare and was delighted to have a position while she was still studying. Whenever she wanted a night out, he arranged for himself or Caitlin to take care of Ben. Or Rachel. She adored Ben almost as much as Jack and Gabrielle did, and she and Jack had settled into an understanding, if occasionally awkward, relationship. He was there at every check up, recorded every milestone, gave her everything she could want materially, and was always there when she needed him as a friend or father to her son, despite what had to be a hectic schedule.

But he never touched her in any way that could be construed as romantic or sexual. He would rub her shoulders and back when she was tired and sore but she could never delude herself into thinking that it was part of the extensive foreplay that he loved. He would let her fall asleep with her head in his lap, stroking her hair, and she knew it was because he cared about her, but she also knew that it was because he was Jack, and that he couldn't _help_ but care about her. It was why she had fallen for him. Why she was still in love with him.

She wished now that she hadn't been so quick to tell him not to touch her, hadn't let him believe that she had flinched because his touch repulsed her and not because it turned her on. But now it was too late, and she was too proud to tell him that she wanted him.

If he dated, he did so discreetly – so discreetly that Gabrielle knew nothing about it. Neither did Rachel, and she went to far more effort to find that out than Gabrielle did. He certainly didn't date anyone from the hospital; like any hospital in any part of the world, something like that would have been found out soon enough. Gabrielle liked to think that was because he _wasn't_ dating, but she knew that wouldn't last. He was an attractive young surgeon and many thought he was on the fasttrack to success. That he was in an unorthodox relationship with the mother of his child wouldn't deter women for long. In fact, Gabrielle doubted it was deterring women _right now_.

"Some women are just made like that," Rachel scoffed when Gabrielle confided her fears in her. "Look at how many women throw themselves at Richard Craig and Peter Frost – and _they're_ married."

Rachel had meant it as a comfort to Gabrielle – that there were, unfortunately, some people out there, men and women alike, who didn't respect the sacrilege of marriage - but instead it only served to remind her that they _weren't_ married... and that if she hadn't been so insecure, maybe they _would_ be. "He obviously cares about you," she said, realising she had made a blunder.

"I know _that_," Gabrielle said dismissively, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world – which in kind of was. "I just don't think he cares in the way I _want_ him to."

Rachel let that sink in. Gabrielle had a point. While it was obvious Jack cared about her, no-one really knew in what capacity. He was clearly fond of her as a person – they had an excellent working relationship, and a good home one – and loved her as the mother of his son. But beyond that – that was the thing that everyone in the hospital spoke about. Theirs wasn't exactly an orthodox relationship, and as such, they made for huge gossip fodder. "You know," she said. "It doesn't have to be about Jack. This may surprise you, but there are actually guys around who find you attractive – and who _aren't_ scared of Jack's whole possessive act."

* * *

"What's the deal between you and Gabrielle?" Zoe asked Jack during one of their many wind-down sessions after the shift was over. They had a very compatible working relationship – they always had, and now that they didn't have to deal with the likes of Frank or Oliver, they got on even better – and had taken to winding down in their shared office over a bottle of wine. It was wonderful, Zoe had found, to have both a subordinate who respected her authority and a friend who was fond of her without crossing the boundaries of both relationships.

Jack shrugged. He was sick of being asked that. "We're fine," he said. In truth, he didn't know _what_ was going on between him and Gabrielle. He was the happiest he had ever been, living with her and Ben, and yet – he wanted more. He wanted things between them to be like they had been before Terri, but he had no idea what _she_ wanted. They had a warm, friendly relationship but she had never hinted that she wanted more than that, and he didn't dare press for it. Hadn't she made it clear she didn't want him to touch her? Who was to say all he'd get for his troubles was a smack in the mouth?

God, he wished he hadn't reacted the way he had when he had found out about her stopping taking the pill. He wished now he had accepted it for the gift it was. If he had known then how happy he would be with Ben, he never would have dumped her. If he had known then that Terri was never going to make him happy the way Gabrielle did –

Zoe picked up on Jack's sigh. He never spoke about his relationship with Gabrielle in so many words, but she knew him – and Gabrielle, and their relationship – well enough to know that neither of them was happy with the way things were between them. They were two otherwise highly intelligent stubborn fools, she thought. It wouldn't surprise her in the least that they both wanted the same thing but were scared to do or say anything for fear of rejection. "You ever think of getting back together?" she asked.

"I want what's best for Ben," he said evasively.

Zoe laughed outright at that. "Cut the crap, Jack. I know you of all people are the last to advocate people being together for the sake of their children. Either you want to be with her or you don't. And my money's on do. People don't gel together the way you guys do without wanting to be together."

"So? We've always had a good working relationship."

"More than just a working relationship, Jack. You and Gabrielle have always had something special, and you know it. To be honest, I noticed that when I first started working at All Saints. I was curious at the time why you guys had never had a thing, given, um..." Zoe trailed off, realising that she had put her foot in it.

"Given my predilection for dating my colleagues?" Jack offered. Zoe smiled sheepishly. Jack raked his hand through his hair, remembering just how much trouble he'd caused himself over the years over said predilection. "That's exactly why I never thought about her that way. Least not until..." he trailed off, thinking about all the stuff he had done in his life, all the relationships that had gone sour because he had done the wrong thing. "It seems every relationship I touch turns to dust. I can never work out what I want until it's too late and I've stuffed it up," he admitted.

Zoe picked up the sadness in her voice and was secretly delighted by it. It meant that Jack missed the closeness he had shared with Gabrielle and was aware of the blame he shared in driving Gabrielle to doing what she had done. "To be honest, ever since I found out about Patrick, I thought you'd done a remarkably good job of keeping your life on track," she said. "Don't ever forget that you had to rise through a lot to get to a place most people take for granted."

"I appreciate that," Jack said, and he did. "Y'know, Gabrielle was the only person I could tell about it. I mean, part of it was simply that we were both dunk and rattled about the bomb, but it was more than that. She's always been someone I had this great connection with – even when I didn't realise it." He grinned, thinking about how frosty he had been towards her when they had first met, precisely because he was attracted to her and didn't want to be. Or how frantically he had tried to deny that they shared a certain something when she had jumped into his arms after being scared by a patient's dog.

Or how much safer the world seemed to be when he fell asleep with her body moulded into his. How much warmer it was to go home to find something delicious already on.

He missed her. He loved her. That would never change. But the circumstances had. He had said and done things which he regretted now. "I should have been honest from the start," he said, talking more to himself then Zoe, looking down the road that the last year had taken him, bringing him. He had all he could have wished for four years ago – a beautiful son who bore his name (he knew Charlotte wouldn't have budged an inch on that one), a promotion in one of the most highly regarded hospitals in the country, all the professional esteem he could wish for, and yet – and yet –

It didn't seem as much as it had seemed to wish for it four years ago.

"I should have been upfront with Terri that I was involved with someone. I should have made it clear to Frank that her working at the ED – at the hospital – was a royally bad idea. I should have been willing to go with Gabrielle to another hospital if that's what it came to. But I wanted it all – I wanted the things that made me happy _now_ and the things that made me happy _then_. Except – " Jack stopped abruptly. He had never been very good at recognising the truth within himself ; for someone who had suffered as much as he had, it was too painful. But now something within him wouldn't allow him _not_ to recognise the truth. "Except it didn't even make me that happy. I was happier being Terri's friend than I was being her boyfriend."

"And you were far happier being Gabrielle's boyfriend than anything else," Zoe offered.

"Yeah."

"Then _tell_ her that."

Jack shook his head. "Zo, I can't. She made it very clear when I came to Canberra that she doesn't want to be involved with me again – at least, not any more then we have to be." It was kind of hard to _not_ be involved with someone that you shared a baby with. "You should have seen her when I first came back. She was revolted when I touched her."

"I doubt that," Zoe said.

"You didn't see her."

_And I doubt you did, either_. For two otherwise very smart people who could be very in sync with one another on occasion, Jack and Gabrielle had a phenomenal talent for misreading each other's body language and words. It was what you got when you put together two people who were equally matched in pride and stubbornness.

It was just a pity, she thought, that she only had authority over his professional life and not his personal one.

* * *

"You look happy," Jack commented later that day. He felt restless over his conversation with Zoe, and seeing Gabrielle look pleased with herself was putting him on edge. He wanted her to be happy, of course, but the idea of someone else – and he assumed it was a some_one _else – making her happy made him a little jealous. "Something happen?"

"It's not important."

He frowned at that. So it _was_ a someone. She would tell him if it was a some_thing_. "Pretty big nothing important," he commented.

She smiled at him, not realising that he was jealous. "Michael Peters asked me out," she said.

Michael Peters was the head of one of the palliative care wards. Jack knew he got on well with Gabrielle. He also knew that he was one of the few men who _wasn't_ scared of Jack. Jack was vaguely pleased of his reputation for being possessive. "He did?" he asked, trying not to sound jealous. Gabrielle nodded slightly, as if it was no big deal. And he supposed it wasn't. She was an attractive, fairly well-off woman. The fact that being a single mother might count against her had never occurred to Jack, because it hadn't factored against him. He had just assumed that plenty of men were interested in her. "What did you say?"

"I said no."

"Why?" Jack asked, trying not to sound pleased and feeling a bit shitty that he was taking pleasure out of the fact she had turned the guy down. He didn't particularly care _why_, just that she _had_.

"Ben's too important to me right now." There was a lengthy pause and then she said, "But it was nice to know that someone found me attractive enough to ask me out."

Jack just stared at her, trying to comprehend that men _wouldn't_ find her attractive. "Pardon?" he asked.

"Oh, come off it Jack. You don't have to be nice about it. I know a plain-looking single mother isn't exactly a man-magnet."

"You're joking."

Now she was starting to get irritable; she supposed it was nice of Jack to wanted to bolster her feelings, but you'd think he'd have the intelligence to do it in a more believable way."No, I'm not, and I wish you'd lay off the crap to make me feel better." And she had been feeling so good about herself, too.

Jack looked at her, puzzled. "I'm not – laying on any crap. I really don't get it. I _always_ thought you were attractive. I've never stopped."

Gabrielle turned away from him. He had ruined a perfectly good evening. "Please, don't," she said quietly.

He placed his hands on her shoulders. "Gabrielle," he said. "I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing or not supposed to be doing. I only know I never work out what I want when I need to know it."

"What about Terri?" she asked.

"I stuffed up. I didn't – I've never been good with relationships," he said haltingly, drawing the distinction between _relationships_ and _sex_. Sex he had always been good at. Knowing what he wanted beyond that when he needed to know it – "There were a lot of things I did that were the wrong thing by you. I should have been better to you than I was. I should have been honest with Terri from the start, I should have said something to Frank – I should have taken you from All Saints if that's what we needed."

"What – _we_ – needed?" Her back was still to him, but she wasn't trying to get away from him.

"Yeah, what _we_ needed. I should have put you first. I should have realised I could never get over you. I should have realised that there was no-one who could make me feel like you do."

"Like I do?"

"Whole," he said simply. It would only have made sense to Gabrielle. "No-one's ever gotten me like you have. I was an idiot not to realise that."

She let out a gasp and twisted around to face him. "Do you mean that?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"And about still being attracted to me?"

He laughed, flabbergasted that she should think otherwise. "I thought that much was obvious. If you hadn't been so revolted when I touched you that day, I'd have long since been all over you."

"Jack – it wasn't that. I didn't want you to know how I felt – in case you rejected me again."

He stared at her for a second as it sank in that they had both been hiding their feelings from the other for fear of rejection, then he kissed her. She kissed him back, and it wasn't long before they were making out on the couch. "God, I've missed you," she murmured huskily.

"I've missed you, too," he said. Her body felt enchantingly familiar and new at the same time, and they both knew it would be a long time before their appetites would be sated. Long enough, perhaps, for Ben to have a brother or sister. "I love you."


End file.
